Anyone else find that trying to divorce an abusive husband is hard HARD work!

[Fightingback16]

I’m getting absolutely fed up with it all now. I just want to be free of this bastard but he is clinging on, dragging it on and on. It’s not bloody fair that the legal system allows them to do this. I’m fuming and I’ve wasted so much money. He’s happy for us both to completely waste everything we have spend years saving!

[Bunnymumy]

...co-incidentily, insure be absolutely shat himself too...for days, after using that toothbrush xD

[Bunnymumy]

• i'm sure he

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Hm. A safe. With cash in it. You know what that says to me? Cash under the table. Tax fraud. And hmrc take tax fraud very seriously. The thing about people who have come from other countries and have criminal records is that they tend to carry on being criminal when they move - it's why they move.

So if you know what he's up to you could also anonymously report him to the authorities. But firstly does he have contacts overseas where he is likely to try snd transfer cash via western union? Family? Is he planning to go back at some stage?

[everythingbackbutyou]

@Fightingback16, my stbxh is a coward also. I noticed during our relationship he was always ready to take issue with women, smaller men or even kids that did something he took a dislike to, but was deferential as you like to the police/border guards etc. Not a very sexy trait...

[Fightingback16]

Mine would take on anyone, he has this attitude, probably from growing up in a really rough country that he just doesn’t care. He used to say to me he was ready to die at anytime!

[crunchiebabe]

My ex , who acted like the perfect husband turned out to be the psycho from hell during proceedings! Sadly for him it backfired and the courts realised what a total bastard he is ... I had no need to prove things because he showed the true him ... and he couldn't explain it away , he had to answer some very difficult questions ! I do not know how I kept a straight face 🤣 I enjoyed his discomfort! ! I'm not a malicious person by nature ... but I must say it gives me great comfort to know that he is so so unhappy whilst me and my children have moved on. They chose no contact with him.
But I fought him ... fight, fight and fight. It is vital that you get the correct people to represent you, my solicitor wasn't so good and we argued loads as he felt I was stepping on his toes .. and I was , I wanted the law to help me . The law is not fair. My barrister was amazing and she " got me" plus I didn't make silly mistakes out of bitterness like he did ! You can do it !

[Fightingback16]

It’s so frustrating the way the legal system operates. I get that you need evidence but if they send you a timetable it should be made enforceable not oh we’ll give him a few chances...why? I still have access to the house as it’s jointly owned but I try not to go In case it’s booby trapped!!!! I might have to go and have a look at his toothbrush again to make me feel better!

[Fightingback16]

He sent me a few grovelling emails begging me not to go to court, I send them straight to lawyer, I think I’ve mentioned it before on here. He ended them with “I didn’t think you were like this”! He thinks I’m this really nice person like I was when I was with him. The only problem that nice person was a fear response, she doesn’t really exist.
I’m not really that nice and I surprise myself!

[Fightingback16]

@Vodkacranberryplease the thing is he made me do the tax returns and he told me what to include and what not to include.
I knew he was hiding money, but I had to keep my mouth shut and do as I was told. He sent me a msg via WhatsApp just after I left reminding me that if I went for him with the tax he would take me down with him. Although there is no evidence I did them.

[crunchiebabe]

He needs to give the court a reasonable response as to the delay in providing the information, he should be able to complete most of the form E and then provide things like pension forecasts, that take longer at a later date. It is hugely frustrating , I totally understand. These bastards try to wear us down ...
Me ex lied , he said he didn't have his pension details .. that it would take months to attain ..funny that I had kept the original paperwork that showed all the details ... my solicitor forwarded it onto him to gently clear his misunderstanding, he wasn't expecting that!

[Shouldbedoing]

The tax thing is coercive control. Tell your solicitor about that. You fled this man.

[Fightingback16]

Yes I was made to do everything in the home so I have all the paperwork for everything. I surprised myself because I made sure I had everything before I left. The only problem is he sends money abroad, so I’m in no doubt the money in the safe has gone.
I took a photo of it tho when I got in it. God when I think about it now I was quite vindictive at the end. I had reached a point fear wise where it got so high it switched off and I didn’t care!

[Fightingback16]

If only there was a way to recover deleted msgs on WhatsApp. He told me that If I went down this route he would take me down with him and then he deleted them before I finished reading them. That and I whole load of nasty threats on that same msg. Now it just shows msg deleted.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

If you have an iPhone they back up all over the place! WhatsApp does backups too.

So you have proof of the pension? Has his solicitor/barrister seen it?

[Vodkacranberryplease]

There will be more money in the safe. That's why it's there, he does cash in hand, doesn't declare it and sends it abroad. There must be a paper trail for done of it there's a limit to how much you can send via western union.

Also when he goes away (home) he will be taking cash with him so alert customs if you know when. Do you know any of his passwords? Can you get into his email? Could you get into the home without him knowing?

[Fightingback16]

He put up cctv and cameras on the house so he knows I’ve been in it. I have proof of his pension, although it’s small. He has an iPad in the house which is logged into his email address but he’ll know I took it. There are large deposits on the bank statements to abroad which my lawyer knows about.

[Fightingback16]

I’m thinking I won’t get him for the abuse because of the lack of evidence in coercive control but I can try and portray him as a dirty tax avoiding, system hating bastard. Seems the system cares more about money then anything else! It’s shit but I’m going to have to stop thinking it cares about me because it doesn’t and use the way it works to get some justice! Like you said he will not get to a point where he gives in!

[OhioOhioOhio]

Omg. Yes. A fucking nightmare. Inexplicable their dedication in keeping it going.

[Fightingback16]

Time seems to stand still for them. I think how many months and £1000’s I spent thinking anytime soon his humanity will kick in, after all he loves his daughter and doesn’t want her to suffer....oh how wrong I was!

[Fightingback16]

Ok I’m going over to the house....if I don’t come back then call the police...lol!

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Before you go think about who you can take with you and what rooms you can go into and what you want to pick up. Take the iPad he can't prove anything and good luck pursuing that through the police without proof.

Can't you go when he's not there? Cctv or not it's still your house. And trust me the police are not interested! There's no way that would get to court though of course they would make a fuss.

You could clean out the safe too if he's not there. How can he prove anything? The money in there isn't official anyway! So he never had it to steal! But get in and out in the time it takes for him to see you and either get there or call the police. And take someone!

Also take very important perdonss as l documents of yours in your bag and say you had gone to pick them up and he wouldn't let you in. What can he prove???

Don't go without a plan!!! And go go without preparing!!!!!

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Sorry don't go without preparing I mean!!!

[Vodkacranberryplease]

Large deposits on his bank statements??? Jesus! Why isn't your lawyer standing up in front of the judge screaming about financial fraud??

Ring hmrc when you've cleaned him out. They love a bit of unexplained money!

[Fightingback16]

Haha I’ve been. I am good friends with the neighbour so she kept an eye on me. The house is an absolute mould ridden pig sty, it’s disgusting! I can see he is communicating with his solicitor about form E, they are requesting more info form him and more explanations. I can’t get into the safe, it’s digital and needs the master key in his key ring. Believe me I tried all sorts to get it open before! I pad not there.

[Fightingback16]

She will only see those transactions on the statements when the documents get exchanged... then I will have leverage.