Anyone else find that trying to divorce an abusive husband is hard HARD work!

[Fightingback16]

I’m getting absolutely fed up with it all now. I just want to be free of this bastard but he is clinging on, dragging it on and on. It’s not bloody fair that the legal system allows them to do this. I’m fuming and I’ve wasted so much money. He’s happy for us both to completely waste everything we have spend years saving!

So your solicitor has those documents? But they have not been given to his? So as yet you have not exchanged evidence?

When my ex biz partner sued me his solicitor wife acted for him. We had to list our arguments and I was sure to put a lot of damning information that I knew she would not be happy about regarding his conduct in my statements. So she didn't see the evidence till later (before the hearing) but she did see the accusations. She didn't represent him at the hearing 😂. He lost.

So the solicitor for the other side should be aware of the accusations and I think in this case also the evidence. The barrister can't go to court and lie for him. And they really hate shifty clients who lie to them.

There was also a book on the table called how to get rich...by not pissing it all down the lawyer drain!!!!

You should also be going for costs as this is entirely his fault. And I hope you have already mentioned in your submissions to his side that you have proof of everything and that there are large cash sums unaccounted for being transferred out of the country which you also have proof of. And that you would like to raise money laundering concerns as this is cash without a trail,

Money laundering is a very serious crime. Worse than tax dodging. It can come under the proceeds of crime act too., where god the money come from? He needs to prove that part. No wonder he doesn't want to do this form!

It's not just you - he's a fucking criminal!

The solicitor has my completed form E and all my supporting documents, we were suppose to have exchanged yesterday. I know what will be on his statements because I have access to them online, once my solicitor has them we will have a chance to raise any questions. Like please explain why £5,000 has been sent abroad???

However you don't want his money being taken by HMRC or as proceeds of crime before you can get to it.

So you might be able to reach an out of court settlement. It's essentially blackmail (nothing wrong with a bit of blackmail!) but the trick is to catch him before he runs. Get the house in your name only if there's enough equity (sneaker Vicky has probably remortgaged or taken out debt against it).

He is a criminal. You need to understand that and realise that whatever he does he doesn't care about the law.

Sneaky fucker I mean! What is with autocorrect??!!!

House and mortgage in joint names so he can’t do anything, and he hasn’t as I have the access. He was stupid making me do all his work for him. He was lelying on me staying forvever. He never realised I hated him and was waiting for my opportunity to run! It feels very sneaky being underhand! I’m planning on the blackmail route which he will not be expecting from me at all because I’m supper nice but I’m not feeling like being super nice anymore.

*relying!

He was genuinely sending money home to help his mum, but she has never done a single thing for me and that’s not really my problem anymore!

He stole 12 years of my life in a fake set up relationship and tricked me into staying, so I know longer give a shit about him.

Or his mother!

Well if you have access to the house and a friendly neighbour your options open right up!

Firstly it's unlikely that he's kept up his subscriptions for cctv - you need a SIM card to keep recordings you could test it by going in and getting something of yours fairly innocuous. Paperwork or photos.

You can put little gps trackers on cars, they are magnetic and could be put on the inside of the underside in seconds. Practice on similar cars first though. Probably would even go on a bike. So then you know where he is.

Blackmail is a more tricky one - best to go for evidence you can send his solicitor and take to a hearing. For example if you have the right evidence you may be able to force him out of the house and you and DC move back in.

Talk to your solicitor and ask what it would take.

Also if you can get in you can pick up things that might have value. He's siphoned off marital assets and so you are completely entitled to half of anything in savings accounts and other marital assets.

You might be able to put some kind of hidden cctv inside do you can see him entering passwords. Of key logger software? Or if you can use any of his computers reset sone passwords and get into various emails and accounts. Your trusty gps tracker will show you where he is.

I'd take a friend though. And ask the neighbour to keep an eye out! Snd have a great excuse ready for police!

Unfortunately He has taken all the savings and money in accounts in the beginning when I was too scared to do anything. There are lots of bags of designer clothes in the house and boxes of products and appliances. I expect he has spent it all!

I’ve put on the Form E that the joint account a year ago had over £10,000 and now nothing and you can see all of his transactions on the statements. He has also wasted his entire £35,000 salary which he could have saved to of put against a deposit. I’ll bring it all up. He kept sending me emails to say he needs equity out of the house to put down a deposit on a flat for him and his daughter (who he hasn’t seen since December). He has wasted over the last year on shit over £50,000. He is such a twat and I hope it goes against him.

Ugh. I suggest some of those bags and boxes end up in your car and on eBay. They are yours too. You need to lose the fear and get sneaky and angry. There will be expensive watches too.

Highly illegal and not suggesting it but if he were to fall deeply asleep after having his nightly beer/whatever which may or may not contain something that makes him sleepy you could do all of this/get into the safe when he's there.

Your solicitor should be screaming blue murder too. Instead of sitting on their hands while he pisses all of your money away. Maybe you can self represent and raise injections/apply for injunctions etc? You gave all of the proof.

He can mortgage against the house without your permission I imagine so you may be in debt by now too. What a grade a cunt. Fuck the blackmail you need to take control now. By force if need be.

I have the mortgage account on my phone and he hasn’t but I didn’t realise that so I’ll call them today and ask them what I can do.
The arse took my rings also when I said I’m not happy. So that’s my engagement ring in the safe, about £6,000. I’m sure he has sold that. I don’t want to keep it but I would have sold it. I just want this man out of my life.

If it makes you feel any better, jewellery is a big hype and worth a pittance once you leave the shop, but any buyback money should have been yours.
Hes' a prick but he really will get his comeuppance. Stay within the law and the moral high ground though.

Oh you need to get into that safe! Think Op, think. Does it just have a key? Or a combination too?

If he's always with the key you have two ways - force ie two big men to go to the house with you or stealth ie he is 'fast asleep' and you go in when he's there.

If there's a combination too then you need a cctv pointing around the combination so you can see it or two big men.

But if he's like 90% of people he leaves it unlocked a lot of the time so if you know when it's unlocked you can just walk in. A cctv in that room would do that for you. You can buy ones that look like nothing at all for £80.

You can tell I watch far too much crime drama but honestly what are you going to do? Let him take his daughters future away? Leave you a struggling single mum with no retirement? Destroy you financially as well as everything else?

Don't call the mortgage company without a plan. Otherwise they will tell him and you won't have access any more. You really need proper advice. Your solicitor sounds fucking useless. Are you in France? That's a real shame. You need to get in touch with the various DV charities and find an adviser, pref free, who can tell you how to play this.

And you might have to act decisively. You have access to most things including the house. It's your mortgage too. They were your rings. It's YOUR MONEY. Get a plan and don't try and do everything by the book. Just don't do anything you know can be proved and is a serious crime.

I've been burgled 3 times. Have the police looked for the burglars? No. The last ones wore gloves. It's your home and you are entitled to enter it and retrieve marital assets.

Stop being frightened and get a partner in this. A big, strong partner, even if you hire a bouncer by the hour.

Slow and steady wins the race...it’s just frustrating, I want to move on and he’s holding my money ransom!

Haha slow and steady wins the race! Oh dear my aching sides.

No. Actually they don't. The person with the least to lose wins. Which is him. The person who is prepared to do the worst things wins. Which is him. He has no morals and will behave as dishonestly as he has to. You will not see a fucking penny unless you can convince a court to get him out of that house leaving everything behind and freeze all assets.

If he had loans secured by the house, which I'm pretty sure he can do, then he can stop paying and you are jointly liable. But he will be living in whatever shit hole he comes from (is this the African hairdresser btw?) and you will be fucked. He's got the loan you've got the debt.

You want cliches? You snooze you lose. Nice guys always come last.

Get in, nick some stuff you can sell that he won't notice gone and get a psychopathic solicitor instead of a wet rag. The only person that can beat him is someone who is hard as nails and who knows how to hurt him. That's not you and it's CERTAINLY not your fucking useless solicitor.

People on here talk about sunk cost fallacy re relationships. It's exactly the same with solicitors. You want him in court being done for not filling in that form and for behaving fraudulently, plus assets frozen, house handed over to you, all debt removed from house.

You know why he won't do that E20 form? Because he knows if he lies on it he is FUCKED. But not doing it is the same as lying if you make the right submissions have the right solicitor.

Yours has told you that you can't do anything. Go and interview some real bastards and see what they say because the law is FULL of loopholes and ways to get stuff done.

I've just managed to get my STBXH in court for a financial remedy after 5yrs (some delay due to not being able to afford and also sheer exhaustion of it) He wouldn't communicate and if he did it was very patchy. Wouldn't turn up to mediation, said he didnt get the 1st court date, didn't provide the court with everything they requested, lied to court, the list goes on.

Finally in Jan we had the final hearing but he waffled on so long we couldn't finish up so we got another date, then Covid happened.
I finally managed to get it finished on 10th August (via video due to covid).
Awarded 100% of the equity in the house (£26k), 70% of his pension and he has to pay £8k towards my £17k legal fees.
The judge was fab and saw all the lies and avoidance tricks he was using and ripped him apart in her judgement! It was sooo satisfying to watch!!

Just need to wait to see if he will appeal (I doubt it) and then this will all be over and we will finally be free of him.

Remember, these partners who are causing issues are usually narcissistic and are used to bullying and manipulating the situation to get what they want and most importantly the LIE! Unfortunately for them, they can't remember all of the lies when in front of a judge and the court have seen it all before. It's shit that we have to play the long game to finally get what we are entitled to but hang in there, it's worth it.

@MaryBear who does the talking on the phone hearings? I have the first one soon, does the solicitor talk?

Yes, you just confirm who you are. That was the only thing I said during the whole day. The solicitor speaks for you. I'd recommend having a chat with them before hand so you know what to expect to be said. Feel free to PM me if you want. Be strong, honestly it's the best thing I have ever done.

Him not doing what the court have asked is not a clever move from him, they don't take kindly to it at all. Is it your 1st hearing?