How to tell DP I can't stand the way he dresses

[Michelle56]

Sounds awful I know... I love him as a person and wouldn't be without him.

Been together couple of years now. seems more recently than ever before though he's been wearing these AWFUL jeans... washed out and ripped at the bottom. He is skinny so they don't hold round his bum 🤦🏻‍♀️ the back pockets always undone....

His personal hygiene is absolutely fine. Always smells amazing.

Also never wears smart shirts, even in situations where meeting family or smart occasions, wears the thick awful thick ripped jeans even in this heat lately .... nothing will get him in chinos, shorts or 3 quarter lengths!!

The tops he wears are cheap tops he has got free from a packet or an order or at least superdry, like an 18 year old would wear.

Thought he would change or I would at least get use to it .... I can't.... seems to be getting worse. I do feel awful but I need to say something now.

I have dropped hints about his 'washer out' jeans but he doesn't seem to get it. I don't know what to do without being nasty..... he wears them ALL the time so clearly can't be an issue for him.

As this is MN I am preparing myself for right abuse now

Do you ever buy him clothes yourself? Buy him some new jeans and make a few jokey comments about these ones. Buy him some shirts as well

@Shoxfordian I have thought about doing that!! I am unsure how it would go down ... I will try and find a photo of the closest I can get to these jeans.

Thanks

I would be honest with him, as nicely as you can be. Sadly, if this doesn't change I don't think you'll be able to get past it. I wouldn't be able to.

Can’t you just say “I’m not too keen on those denims you’re wearing”, top that up with “I can’t objectify your arse properly” so it’s not a purely negative comment.

I’d definitely avoid buying him clothes as above, he’s your partner not your child.

What would happen if you were honest and say those jeans aren’t flattering at all?
My DP had these awful stripey shirts, the sort your grandad would wear, so I just told him they look dated and not very well fitting. Next time we were in town I just went: what do you think of these ones, he tried them on, bought them, end of story.
I just asked him if I offended him by pointing out the old shirts were unsuitable and he just shrugged: no, why would I?
Sometimes I think some men just don’t particularly care, tbh.

They are worse than this ripped at the bottom.

@Aquamarine1029 I will mention something to him next week- I may actually buy him some new jeans. Clearly not getting the hint

@BuddhaAtSea we haven't been shopping lately because of covid, haven't wanted to brave the shops but I think we will have to. I'll mention that I don't find them flattering. All I have said is they are white 'washed out' aren't they. He just said 'yeah I suppose, need some new ones' hasn't bothered to get any 🤦🏻‍♀️

What tipped me over the edge this time was when he worse them to my parents for dinner last week... didn't say a word, just couldn't believe it.

Thnx for all the comments.

Sorry *quite washed out I meant.

You're all very gentle and tactful.
Have you tried "I'm not sleeping with you if you dress like a dosser. Here's some smart jeans and a white shirt. Put them on and get ready for the night of your life"

Men wear 3/4 lengths??

Be careful, think how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot. Buy him some nice clothes but don,t criticice the ones he chooses to wear.

@WineIsMyCarb good one

He has worn some dark smart jeans before and a really smart top and he looks bloody incredible.... this is an example of the sort of tops he wears (all the time)

@CorianderLord I mean like the shorts but a bit longer

What about when watching tv and you see a guy wearing something you think would suit/ like make a comment " oh I like his jumper/shirt/ style of trouser" see if he takes the hint or opens up the conversation

@PamDemic during casual occasions I don't mind the shirts ect. It's the smart occasions.

Also @PamDemic doesn't take the hints 🤦🏻‍♀️😂 i will have to be more fore full I think.

@june2007 that's what I am worried about, don't want to upset him

My husband only wears smart shirts to weddings, funerals and the very occasional work event he can't get out of. His choice. I don't think it's fair you should try and change him if you knew what he likes to wear from the start.

3/4 lengths are not a good look either. My neighbour consistently wears them with orange crocs! 😂

@NerrSnerr I agree, which is why I have tried to ignore it as much as I can...

My dh is scruffy. He just doesn't care or even think about it. He also thinks it's a bit shallow to care. I just buy him stuff as he's never going to bother! That way i get to choose. He does have some basic smart trousers and shirts for work. He'll put some dark jeans/top on for going out - I try to compliment when he does this! He also has a Hawaiian shirt that I hate but he only wears it for his own family parties so I tolerate it. His default is shorts and t shirt all year round.

I have tried to ignore it as much as I can...

And there's the problem. Ignoring something that really bothers you is a fool's errand. It's just not sustainable long term because it eats away at you. You may have to eventually accept that you have different standards and your relationship isn't going to work out.