How to tell DP I can't stand the way he dresses

[Michelle56]

Sounds awful I know... I love him as a person and wouldn't be without him.

Been together couple of years now. seems more recently than ever before though he's been wearing these AWFUL jeans... washed out and ripped at the bottom. He is skinny so they don't hold round his bum 🤦🏻‍♀️ the back pockets always undone....

His personal hygiene is absolutely fine. Always smells amazing.

Also never wears smart shirts, even in situations where meeting family or smart occasions, wears the thick awful thick ripped jeans even in this heat lately .... nothing will get him in chinos, shorts or 3 quarter lengths!!

The tops he wears are cheap tops he has got free from a packet or an order or at least superdry, like an 18 year old would wear.

Thought he would change or I would at least get use to it .... I can't.... seems to be getting worse. I do feel awful but I need to say something now.

I have dropped hints about his 'washer out' jeans but he doesn't seem to get it. I don't know what to do without being nasty..... he wears them ALL the time so clearly can't be an issue for him.

As this is MN I am preparing myself for right abuse now

My exH clothes used to give me the ick.I get where you're coming from! Luckily I like all the clothes dh wears and I also buy him stuff for birthdays and Christmas.

As a 40 year old who only really wears jeans or tshirts, if my partner was more bothered about my clothes than me that'd be goodbye.

It's not about standards, it's about values, if he's comfortable and happy wearing what he's wearing I don't see what the problem is.

Has he always dressed like this since you met him, OP?

If he has, you perhaps didn't notice so much at first because you were too busy shagging him. But these sorts of things can become a massive deal later on.

I realise it sounds superficial, but I couldn't fancy a man who wore any of the following: jeans, t shirts, hoodies, shorts, artificial fibre, trainers, or cheap shoes. Though I wouldn't mind him being fat, ugly, bald, etc, etc. So the question is whether the scraggy jeans are a deal-breaker for you or not. He obviously loves them, and there's no reason why he shouldn't. But do you love him, jeans and all?

I would be very pissed off if someone tried to buy me their idea of nice clothes. It would be like my teenage DD trying to tell me that I need to buy a Primark acrylic pullover.

DH has some clothes That if he's wearing them I won't go out the house with him.

Mainly sweatpants that at too baggy and too short!!! They look utterly awful.

In terms of making zero effort to visit your parents for dinner I would just state "I would prefer you to make an effort with your appearance when we are invited for dinner/friends etc"

Those jeans are terrible. I think you could just say, those jeans are a bit tattered now, why don’t you get some new ones.

@FixTheBone thanks for your message and that's exactly the reason I don't want to say anything ....

@ThickFast that's the approach I have taken a few times. All I got was 'yeah they are a bit aren't they' and got shrugged off 😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️

I am looking at some dark jeans online now from Next ... tempted to get some ordered online and then give them to him on his birthday beginning of November 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think it sounds as if you just have different ideas of 'generic' -- his is jeans and a Superdry top, yours is blazer/boots and skinny jeans. I don't think anything elevates your look above his, and some of the alternatives you suggest (3/4 length shorts are appalling on virtually everyone, and chinos suggest an American office on Dress Down Friday) sound worse than what he's wearing.

@HolyPillow Jesus... not trying to 'elevate' my look above his

I don't feel a man needs to wear a shirt except to a wedding or funeral, but that's just my personal preference.

My ex (now bestie) wears T-shirts but they're always quite smart in that if the black goes a bit charcoaly or grey, he retires them. As they look well cared for, I think they're ok. I don't like jeans much personally, but that's just personal taste. He tends to wear combats but you probably wouldn't like the look of those.

I get what you mean that if your OH dresses really scruffy it could be embarrassing and a turn off.

Have you asked him why he dresses like this. Does he have a job where he can dress like this. I wouldn't buy him any new things, I don't like ripped jeans, so I would get my scissors and cut them up, so they are more ripped..... to shreds !

He's 45!!! Oh shit.

Well it sounds like you’ll need to be a bit more directive then. Jeans as a present is a good idea

@1forAll74 his job is certainly not one where he has to wear a suit and tie for, and that's ok with me.

He works in a workshop but had his own work clothes as he works a lot with dust and paint.

To be honest, I'll know what I'll be getting him for his birthday I think

Sorry if I have offended anyone with anything I have said on here

@1forAll74 actually the jeans are ripped, to a point I can't tell if it's the design of he's done it by accident

@SoulofanAggron it is slightly embarrassing in front of family, my family are one to judge... unfortunately. So I do find that difficult. Constantly on edge because of a pair of jeans!! They sometimes cannot see beyond the clothing... slightly superficial.

You need to tell him in plain words.

Don't wait until you've been somewhere and then tell him he should have worn smart clothes.

Tell him before you go out. Just say "I'd like you to wear the smart dark jeans and a shirt - you look so good in them" or similar.

My washing machine drum once chewed up a pair of my Levi’s on spin! Chewed a massive hole out of them... totally ruined.
Perhaps they’re due a wash? 😉

Just do what my DP did

He slowly threw away all the clothes of mine he didn't like, and then would buy me new stuff and tell me we could only have sex of I wore them.

That sure taighte

Thanks @MikeUniformMike I did take this approach once with him and it worked ... it's when I don't say he tends to do his own thing.

You haven't offended anyone. Look, it's not like you're slating him, you just don't like his clothes, and that's OK. Alot of people don't realise that sometimes what they wear looks awful. I thank dh who pointed out to me that leggings were not a good look, and he'd think I looked OK in a bin bag. It's only clothes it can be changed, it's not like you're trying to change his personality. He probably puts them on without thinking, they've taken his shape and he feels comfortable in them so rather than breaking in a new pair he'll just wear them everywhere. And no!! They're not suitable for going for meals. Go buy those you've seen and get him some tops too.

Is it that he only wears the one pair of jeans?

My ex was a terrible dresser.
He quite liked cast off's. He found a light blue puffer coat that was a woman's coat and the sleeves only went to below his elbows!
I made sure that thing disappeared.

I did end up buying him clothes to wear.

I'm speaking from experience @Michelle56.
I'll happily wear a uniform - and have multiples of similar clothes.
Something like black or navy uniqlo t-shirt with sawn off jeans.

Why did he wait until AFTER we'd been out to lunch that I should have worn a tea dress? How was I to know? They were clean.
It was just food ffs. And no matter what he wore he always wore that sodding fat suit underneath it.

Oops should have name changed.

Thank you @Lipz xx