How to tell DP I can't stand the way he dresses

[Michelle56]

Sounds awful I know... I love him as a person and wouldn't be without him.

Been together couple of years now. seems more recently than ever before though he's been wearing these AWFUL jeans... washed out and ripped at the bottom. He is skinny so they don't hold round his bum 🤦🏻‍♀️ the back pockets always undone....

His personal hygiene is absolutely fine. Always smells amazing.

Also never wears smart shirts, even in situations where meeting family or smart occasions, wears the thick awful thick ripped jeans even in this heat lately .... nothing will get him in chinos, shorts or 3 quarter lengths!!

The tops he wears are cheap tops he has got free from a packet or an order or at least superdry, like an 18 year old would wear.

Thought he would change or I would at least get use to it .... I can't.... seems to be getting worse. I do feel awful but I need to say something now.

I have dropped hints about his 'washer out' jeans but he doesn't seem to get it. I don't know what to do without being nasty..... he wears them ALL the time so clearly can't be an issue for him.

As this is MN I am preparing myself for right abuse now

I had an ex once that was always trying to buy me fancy designer clothes. I hated all of them and it really put me off him, because he either didn’t know me or thought I should dress ‘better’. As a busy mother of four, I didn’t want to have to hand wash fancy clothes and so on.

I prefer to get my clothes second hand where possible and usually wear them until they are worn out because I don’t like being wasteful and try to be minimalist mostly to stop drowning in huge amounts of laundry.

Can I ask, would you want him to wear clothes he was uncomfortable in, but you found more appealing?

Also if he has always dressed in this way right from the start, it’s very unfair to now have a problem with it. I remember an ex once suddenly having an issue with me being a smoker (at the time) yet he knew I was from before we even got together.

That said, I took my DH clothes shopping about a year ago because his clothes were beyond on their last legs. He picked his own style out, not really what I would have chosen but it was lovely to see him smiling and strutting about for a few days until the novelty wore off!

Tbh, I prefer someone scruffy - to someone wearing smart clothes and overly concerned with their presentation. It’s fine for work/weddings etc - but for everyday wear - they are just clothes/functional. To me a ‘scruffy’ person would suggest to me that their priorities lay elsewhere - not on the way they look - and I’d applaud that.

Grunge, anti fashion, charity shop style is the best - especially in this day and age.

In case you come back to this thread OP I wanted to say that whilst I totally understand where you are coming from, I would definitely approach the problem together. Not just from your point of view.

If you buy him the jeans you want him to have, surely that is quite controlling? And jeans are a very personal thing - there are so many different styles.

My advice would be to stop hinting, tell him exactly how you feel and then either go shopping or better still online shopping to buy a few pieces, maybe send some back. Then he can try them on in his own home and you can find new decent clothes together.

Give him some of the choice!

Oh, the thing I wanted to ask about was expecting him to dress more formally than usual to have dinner with your parents -- was it a formal restaurant or something? Because I honestly can't conceive of dressing differently to have dinner with my parents in their house or mine.

Lol I'd love to see this if it were a man complaint about a women's satorial sense. Controlling much?

What’s wrong with clothes that are ten years old?

I think you just have different ideas of dressing I’m afraid.

@Saucy99

Lol I'd love to see this if it were a man complaint about a women's satorial sense. Controlling much?

This x 100!

The comments about quietly binning someone else's clothes are awful!

I would imagine he's self conscious about his body shape and believes that what he has already is as good as he can look. I guess he hates clothes shopping as it brings him face to face with his skinny legs or whatever. How's his body image around you, OP?

You lost me at three quarter length trousers for men

Do these exist? Who wears them?

Sorry I know Im missing the point entirely.

Leaving the thread now as I am not getting into the arguing.....

Thanks for all the earlier comments

Sorry but why the hell should he change for you if he turned around and did the same back would you be happy to change all your clothes

Well, I don't think you're awful. I would want someone to tell me they hate my clothes. ( Not just anybody obviously). Not read the whole thread but I got rid of a certain plaid shirt my ex used to love wearing by giving him the nickname "the farmer". "So what's the farmer been up to today, did you check the cows are okay". I know it sounds awful but I was trying to be cute and it worked, he stopped wearing it. It turned into a bit if a joke and he got the the hint. Maybe you should say he looks like "the rapper" or "the gangsta". Or whatever comes to mind. He might see what other people see a bit more.

Oh and nothing against farmers, they probably don't wear their work wear to a restaurant!

Hi op this post made me laugh with the jeans . My partner ten years ago when we 1st met used to wear jeans that you are describing . I met him when out on a night out with the girls so obviously I didn't really pay that much attention to what he was wearing just the we clicked . We met up a few weeks later and I always remember him walking down the street and I thought what the hell have I done 😂 he is so skinny and still is now . But he had these big washed out ripped jeans and were all ripped at the bottoms where they were going under his shoes . And a really baggy discoloured washed out cheap tee shirt . I have always been one for dressing nice in nights out and occasions . He dressed like it for months until I had enough went shopping and spent a few hundred pound in clothes for him . All different to what he wore . I didn't think he would like them because I thought what he was wearing was just his style but apparently now 😢 makes me sad when I think about it still . Turns out that he was really poor and didn't have any money for new clothes ! Only had clothes as gifts for Christmas and would make them last all year . Now the cheeky git has a go at me for the way I dress 😂 I do feel for you op but If there is no other reason for him wearing them other than he can't be bothered to go shopping I would bin them and buy all new xxx