How to tell DP I can't stand the way he dresses

[Michelle56]

Sounds awful I know... I love him as a person and wouldn't be without him.

Been together couple of years now. seems more recently than ever before though he's been wearing these AWFUL jeans... washed out and ripped at the bottom. He is skinny so they don't hold round his bum 🤦🏻‍♀️ the back pockets always undone....

His personal hygiene is absolutely fine. Always smells amazing.

Also never wears smart shirts, even in situations where meeting family or smart occasions, wears the thick awful thick ripped jeans even in this heat lately .... nothing will get him in chinos, shorts or 3 quarter lengths!!

The tops he wears are cheap tops he has got free from a packet or an order or at least superdry, like an 18 year old would wear.

Thought he would change or I would at least get use to it .... I can't.... seems to be getting worse. I do feel awful but I need to say something now.

I have dropped hints about his 'washer out' jeans but he doesn't seem to get it. I don't know what to do without being nasty..... he wears them ALL the time so clearly can't be an issue for him.

As this is MN I am preparing myself for right abuse now

Oh my goodness @RantyAnty !!!

He has 2 pairs of jeans and that's all 🤦🏻‍♀️ both light but one pair is slightly darker .... still scruffy. 🤦🏻‍♀️

He is in work clothes literally 40 hours a week. He is such a hard worker.....

Alot of people don't realise that sometimes what they wear looks awful.

Firstly, people have different ideas of what's 'awful'. Secondly, people are under no obligation to dress to other people's standards (unless they are at work and there's a dress code).

OP, he likes to dress really casually. You like to dress smartly. Neither of you is right or wrong, you just have different taste. I don't see why you should get to impose your taste on him tbh.

@CorianderLord

Men wear 3/4 lengths??

I had to Google this to see what was meant! Don't get him to wear these!

@lazylinguist I do get to impose my taste on him as I am in a relationship with him, just like he can with me.

I do understand what you are saying. It is quite difficult as it's a personal subject isn't it ...

Throw everything out, or to charity. Then kit him out.

@CorianderLord

Men wear 3/4 lengths??

Yes from Sports Direct when they go on holiday abroad.

You don't need to go too crazy - a nice pair of jeans and a plain white t shirt is lovely on a man. Baby steps ..

lazylinguist I do get to impose my taste on him as I am in a relationship with him, just like he can with me.

Really?! I am happily married, but I choose what I wear and dh chooses what he wears, because we are adults. Neither of us would tell the other what to wear or what not to wear, or buy the other clothes in order to make them dress how we want them to.

So if he said to you “Here, chuck those blazers and smart jeans out, I’ve bought you some ripped jeans and casual t-shirts instead“ you’d be ok with doing that because you’re in a relationship?

Does he ask you what you think of his clothes? Maybe he likes them and has enough confidence to wear what he feels comfortable in. Don’t knock that confidence.

@Estrellente yes.

@VivaMiltonKeynes you are totally right there.

@Doodar 😂😂

Could you not 'spill' some petrol on his wardrobe whilst, say, trying to clean a mark off the door. Then when you lit a cigarette (although you don't smoke but wondered what it was like) all his clothes went up in a flash and so you'll replace them? Just an idea, might work... (might not)

How about a unique, totally non MN-style idea: talk to him openly?

No hinting, beating around the bush... or confronting. Just talking. Why the hell is it such a terrible thing to have open and honest conversations in a healthy relationship?

I'm 45, half my closet is from Camden market - think goth mostly, other half things a 15yr old boy would wear. Yes, my jeans and shorts and t-shirts are mostly from Gap kids/boys section (I fit into the 16yr old boys clothes).
For most of my clothing choices husband will rolls his eyes, make snarky comments, but he will happily walk with me on any street. Because we had an honest conversation about what is acceptable for each of us many decades ago and we stick to it.
And will call each other out on items that are totally not acceptable. Although that happens rarely.

When you met, did you like his dress sense then? Or has it always been an issue for you from day one?

My 0H has got terrible dress sense, he dresses like a pensioner circa 1984 . He would probably wear grey Farah slacks if he could find them.

He has always dressed badly but it doesn't bother me because I think he looks much better naked than in clothes so I console myself with that thought when he turns up wearing an acrylic jumper.

I get it OP. ExH didn't dress that well. Cheapest jeans he could buy (1 pair were £3 from Asda). Nothing wrong with some clothes from the supermarket at all but these were so shapeless. He also always wore cheap, plain t shirts or football t shirts and trainers. Didn't own shoes apart from his work ones where he had to wear a shirt and trousers. I made many comments over the years. He did make an effort to get some slightly better t shirts and let me help to pick them but generally it was still cheap shapless jeans, crap t shirt and trainers. Didn't help that he rarely shaved and let his hair get mop like before he would then shave it off (another thing I hated).

We're divorced and my DP makes an effort with his clothes and it makes such a difference.

Oh! with him only having the 2 pairs, then he really doesn't have anything else to choose from.

I would get him a nice pair of smart jeans to start with.

I have been known to file my DH's old, gross clothes in the bin.
Sometimes he says, where's my blue hat?
Don't know, I say, have you looked in the car?

Here's Kanye clearing out Kim's closet.

Just a different perspective and most wont agree with me. But I as a partner who was like this, I was never scruffy but I had clothes I was comfortable in like certain jeans trousers and tops, fitted ones that I was comfortable wearing and that didn’t look too bad. He was constantly trying to change me and said the clothes I was wearing didn’t do me justice and recommend designer clothes (think Levi jeans etc) that would suit me better, I’ve never had the inclination to spend hundreds on one item of clothing so I resisted but started wearing things he preferred, he also had opinions on what colour hair I had, how long or short it was, and it was very very wearing and draining. I think as long as someone isn’t going out in pyjamas or stained clothes then they can wear what they like. Just my opinion really coming from the other side.

It's so subjective. I think how you dress sounds pretty awful and the thought of a man in chinos or 3/4 lengths sends chills down my spine.

This is all so shallow. Imagine if a man was discussing women being able to wear certain clothes "if she's got good legs" or binning her clothes because he didn't like them.

Leave the poor man alone and find someone willing to let you dress them up like a doll.

You’re allowed to not like what he wears, it doesn’t make you a bad person. But I think some of the comments and suggestions on here are a bit much. I think it would be really mean to start making jokey comments about them, which would just be meant to destroy his confidence about his clothes.
I think maybe you need to find out if he dresses this way cos he’s not interested in clothes and these are practical, familiar and comfortable, or if he wears these clothes cos he likes them and they make him feel confident/stylish/whatever.
If it’s the former, an honest chat about how you’ve noticed they are getting a bit scruffy and maybe it’s time for a shopping trip for a few new bits. Don’t whatever you do ‘accidentally’ ruin them, how would you feel if someone did that to you?
If however he likes his clothes I’m afraid there’s not a lot you can do except maybe buy him items for his birthday etc in the hope he might like them too and wear them.
You have to think about how it would be if the roles were reversed in this scenario and what would be acceptable to you if someone didn’t like your style.

I get where you’re coming from - my DP didn’t have much interest in clothes when I met him and I wasn’t a fan of some of the things he wore . One day whilst out shopping I suggested a few things I thought would look great on him and luckily he liked them. All very casual , just nice Woolley jumpers for the beach . Now I always compliment him whenever he’s got them on. I let the other things go and have got used to them. He hates my favourite skirt which I wear all the time - to me it’s colourful and very vintage/ retro , but our styles are just so different , so I laugh about it now- we will never have the same taste in clothes and that doesn’t matter .
My STBEXH is still wearing things from when he was 17!! He’s nearly 42!! He has cut the arms off them and wears them fully ripped and with huge holes in ! I actually don’t think he’ll stop wearing them until they’ve physically fallen off him . Think ‘The Incredible Hulk’ ! But that wasn’t the reason we broke up- that was one of the better things about him !
I think some people just get really attached to an item/ items and they feel safe wearing them. You may have to wait until they rip so much they fall off him too - but in the meantime no harm buying him some Items and being very complimentary if he wears them . Good luck OP!