Page 6 | Distasteful thing said during sexting.

userabcname · 12/08/2020 19:19

You don't need to talk about shit. Block him. He was clearly an abusive/rapey arsehole who used this whole BDSM thing to manipulate and assault you. Block block block and don't contact him again would be my advice. Stay strong.

Report

WinWinnieTheWay · 12/08/2020 19:22

Vom. Tell him that he's just one big sack of shit that needs to be dumped.

Report

category12 · 12/08/2020 19:25

OP, you agreed previously that you have crappy boundaries?

Well, engaging with him to talk about breaking up is another weak boundary. Telling him it's over should be enough. You do not need a post-mortem or discussion about breaking up.

Report

Quartz2208 · 12/08/2020 19:26

Oh OP he isnt a dom he is an abusive man. he is following none of the protocols for a proper BDSM relationship

You simply block him now

Report

Aerial2020 · 12/08/2020 19:31

The bell thing sounds scary! How awful to make you feel unsafe.

Report

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/08/2020 19:34

Don't tell him you don't want to continue the relationship. Tell him you ARE NOT continuing it, that you two are no longer a couple, and it's because he's no Dom, he's an abusive turd who denies safewords and sexts like Donald Trump without the charm and good tan.

Report

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 12/08/2020 19:42

Wow. I'm not into BDSM but even I know that taking away your safe word equivalent is sod all to do with Dom/Sub and entirely to do with him being an abusive wanker with no respect for you or your boundaries. Everything I've read about this waste of space shows he an abuser and you owe him nothing. So glad you're rid of him.

Be careful about talking to him later - there's nothing to discuss, and he may try and convince you it's worth trying again, or blame you in some way. Please please don't let him. And if you do still speak to him later, don't for one second let him talk you round. Keep repeating something closed, like "this isn't working for me, I'm ending our relationship".

Report

User7458398748 · 12/08/2020 19:44

The bells been playing on my mind, he said he thought it was far too early for me to ring it and I was obviously not taking it seriously and therefore should be punished.

He told me it was gone and I was blindfolded so couldn't see it or anything so I believed it was gone (it was my safe word equivalent), later on he said it was always within reach - so no harm done. I don't think it was though, either way, to my mind it wasn't there.

It doesn't really matter now, but I should have left then.

I won't talk to him. It's a bad idea really. I have made up my mind, thank you.

OP posts:

Report

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/08/2020 19:50

@User7458398748

The bells been playing on my mind, he said he thought it was far too early for me to ring it and I was obviously not taking it seriously and therefore should be punished.

He told me it was gone and I was blindfolded so couldn't see it or anything so I believed it was gone (it was my safe word equivalent), later on he said it was always within reach - so no harm done. I don't think it was though, either way, to my mind it wasn't there.

It doesn't really matter now, but I should have left then.

I won't talk to him. It's a bad idea really. I have made up my mind, thank you.

He's a fucking arsehole. Of course he took away your safeword, as far as you knew it was gone! Scenes can be intense, unnerving, scary, but you should NEVER feel that you're not safe and can't trust your Dom.

If you knew what BDSM really is, the effect it should really be having on you, you'd be booting this twat to Mars with some sandpaper-covered ben wa balls up his arse and grinning while you did it.

Report

category12 · 12/08/2020 19:53

You should never be "punished" for using a safeword or equivalent.

Making you think you have no safeword/equivalent is exactly the same as you not having one. He's a manipulative liittle shite.

(Also being "punished" is not a necessary ingredient of a BDSM relationship - you want that sort of dynamic, sure, knock yourself out - but you can just do things for funsies and not have a discipline/punishment element.)

Report

User7458398748 · 12/08/2020 19:54

@ShebaShimmyShake

Thank you, you've been amazing to me, and you made me laugh. Which is a feat at the minute.

I'm so glad I posted. You all have no idea.

OP posts:

Report

fairlyplump · 12/08/2020 19:59

How disgusting, how on earth can you sext some dirty disgusting stranger, have some respect

Report

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/08/2020 20:00

I'm glad we could all help and that I made you laugh.

If you consent to be my sub for about five minutes, I order you to absolutely end this relationship with this colossal wanker and block him.

Report

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 12/08/2020 20:02

@User7458398748

The bells been playing on my mind, he said he thought it was far too early for me to ring it and I was obviously not taking it seriously and therefore should be punished.

He told me it was gone and I was blindfolded so couldn't see it or anything so I believed it was gone (it was my safe word equivalent), later on he said it was always within reach - so no harm done. I don't think it was though, either way, to my mind it wasn't there.

It doesn't really matter now, but I should have left then.

I won't talk to him. It's a bad idea really. I have made up my mind, thank you.

Sounds like he's read 50 Shades and fancies himself a Christian Grey-esque character. Well CG is an abusive wanker, and 50 Shades is a dangerous 'representation' of BDSM. You believed the bell was gone = your control was gone. Him telling you after the fact is like me telling someone after the fact that I had the life ring all along while they thought they were drowning. I'm so glad you've recognised his abusive tendencies early enough to get out.

Report

User7458398748 · 12/08/2020 20:03

Well , that made me smile as well. I think it might be the best five minutes I've had in a while. I will send him a final message and block him. I promise.

OP posts:

Report

User7458398748 · 12/08/2020 20:19

Well, that's it done... Blocked. Wow.

Thank you everyone. You've been so bloody kind to me today I don't even know what to say.

OP posts:

Report

backseatcookers · 12/08/2020 20:31

One thing that happened was I had a bell that I could ring when I needed to, but one time I rang it "too early" in his opinion, and he took it away. I was panicking after that.... That shouldn't happen, should it? I know it shouldn't happen , but I just want to ask...

This is utterly horrifying, and I say that as a sub in a former life. No discussion with this one OP, tell him it's not working for you so you'll be blocking him. And some guys will absolutely jump on a woman who says they are a bit of a sub / enjoy being submissive. It's perfectly ok to enjoy being a bit submissive without wanting to be in a full on sub / dom dynamic. Don't forget that!

Report

User7458398748 · 12/08/2020 20:38

The bell thing... I should have acted straight away and it was just brushed under the carpet. I am going to work on my boundaries A LOT, who knows, things might change during the work and I decide I'm not into submissiveness. But I do still feel with someone else I would like it.

@SoulofanAggron said a few things that hit a nerve and I need to think about. At the end of the day though, it sparked something in me that I did like.

I will be careful.in future who I tell and how I tell them...

OP posts:

Report

Bbub · 12/08/2020 20:40

@fairlyplump please grow up..

Well done OP for having asserted your boundaries. You're 100% right about the bell thing, that's a massive violation.

Report

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/08/2020 20:41

It's perfectly ok to enjoy being a bit submissive without wanting to be in a full on sub / dom dynamic. Don't forget that!

Very true.

Report

Mumoftwo1994 · 12/08/2020 20:41

@User7458398748

This might be TMI for some people.

Nice guy in every other way said during sexting.... that I am just three holes that need to be filled. We've been seeing each other a year and I like being a little submissive but this still makes me want to leave the relationship.

Quick question? Would it make you want to leave?

It does sound degrading if I'm honest, it's not sexually inviting by saying that.
To me it seems like he's describing you as an object not as a person or partner

Report

User7458398748 · 12/08/2020 20:45

Gosh... I actually wrote "nice guy in every other way", I kind of wanted opinions on that one thing only at the time..... I was sitting 12 hours ago looking for someone to say "dump this loser".

OP posts:

Report

sammylady37 · 12/08/2020 20:51

Oh op. The bell thing is awful. You poor thing.

FWIW, the easiest safe word is the traffic light system. Orange/amber means ease up a bit and red means STOP NOW. You’re not likely to forget/mix up those words in the height of an intense scene. Any true Dom would respect you safe wording. As I said earlier, there are a few abusive misogynists masquerading as Doms who say they “don’t do safe words” as they’ll be guided by your other responses and you should trust them. Run. A. Mile. From. Them.

Report

CodenameVillanelle · 12/08/2020 20:55

@ReadyforTakeOff

Some of the posters here are making BDSM sounds like some sort of art form and a world where only the enlightened can enter....

I am not worthy etc.. ;)

As you were..

I have had friends in the fetish world and a bigger load of pretentious wank you have never seen

Report

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/08/2020 20:56

I have had friends in the fetish world and a bigger load of pretentious wank you have never seen.

There is some truth to this.

Report

Talk

Relationships

Distasteful thing said during sexting.