Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My Dh's wrist watch is driving a wedge between us...

144 replies

artichokes · 02/10/2007 21:04

... it is a very expensive watch and he loves it. He could never afford another watch like it. Thing is it was a gift from his ex. She got in engraved on the back "To X, I love you every second, Y".

I hate the fact that we are married and have a baby but everywhere we go this memento of his last love comes with us. They are not in touch anymore and I am not worried he still loves her but I find this inordinately annoying.

Am I being unfair, obsessive and mad or do people agree that it is weird for him to keep the watch irrespective of how nice it is?

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 03/10/2007 13:46

The thing that would p* me off the most if I were in this situation would be the fact that your dh has chosen not to wear the watch you gave him. It wouldn't really matter who had given him the offending watch, I would just be upset that he did not want to wear the watch I had given him.

snowleopard · 03/10/2007 13:48

The thing is though that you do care and it does hurt (understandably) - you need to work towards a position where you actually do find it more amusing than threatening, rather than just making a joke as a way of making a point.

PMT though - it can be a bastard. I can get myself into a right old state about DP's exes once in a while - and then the penny drops - pmt again

AitchTwoOh · 03/10/2007 13:48

i wonder if you were to bump into ex-girlfriend and she'd see you with your beautiful child together and think 'ah well, i won, he's wearing my watch'? doubt it.

CountessDracula · 03/10/2007 13:49

oh sorry I didn't realise you gave him a replacement
very annoying

But I do think you are reading too much into it

Original poster
artichokes · 03/10/2007 13:50

LoL Aitch. DD clearly trumps the watch.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 03/10/2007 13:51

re the OP

get him to buy you one, a matching one in expense too, or even more expensive, so you can feel better by

a. showing it off to all andsundry including the ex should she ever pass by one day

b. making dh suffer (evenjust in pocket) - if he wnts to wear the damn thing then he should PAY!

nailpolish · 03/10/2007 13:53

darling, his one. £8000

Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 13:55

here comes naily

all ready to save the world with shopping

Hulababy · 03/10/2007 13:55

Expensive watches normally have good tradein values, although not sure how much the engraving would knock that down by - can it be erased?

I'd have him trade it in ad get a different, slightly less expensive watch with the money he makes from it.

I'd not be hapy with DH wearing a watch like that, not with the message as well.

AitchTwoOh · 03/10/2007 13:55

oh i like naily's idea. dd and a more expensive watch, she'd be livid!

nailpolish · 03/10/2007 13:57

Capp! not sure whther to be offended ornot....

Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 13:57

why should he get rid of it? he is happy with his present relationship, not in contact with his ex, and it is his watch

mp has a belt less said about that the better

I have a pen

they are our stuff

the inscription means nothing as she does not love him every second clearly

but it is still his watch and if he likes it then I can't see a problem

god you could find men with worse baggage than a wristwatch

Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 13:58

no nailpolish you could never offend me

you make me laugh too much

Original poster
artichokes · 03/10/2007 13:58

If he bought me an £8000 watch he could keep her underwear for all I would care!

OP posts:
Cappuccino · 03/10/2007 14:01

and as to the watch you bought him

I don't want to throw a spanner in the works

but you didn't buy it for him did you?

you bought it for you

you need to move on and buy your own tokens of love not try to replace hers

robin3 · 03/10/2007 14:02

Wouldn't worry me and I suspect DH is behaving like most men would i.e. it's a nice watch and it still works. Doubt he has any sentimental attachment to it at all.

meemar · 03/10/2007 14:11

artichokes, please put it in perspective and let it go. He doesn't love and is not interested in this woman. He just likes the watch .

We have just lost our friendship with a very old friend of DH, because his new wife doesn't like the fact that we are friends with an ex-girlfriend of his!

She couldn't bear the fact that there was any connection to his old life in existence and she is making him cut connections with anyone who is still in contact with said ex-gf.

This is extreme, but it smacks of insecurity on her part.

If you say you are not a jealous or insecure person then the watch should not bother you in the slightest.

morningpaper · 03/10/2007 14:14

good points cappucino

My parents gave my brother a watch on his graduation

They had it engraved with

"We're very proud of you"

but when they picked it up the engraver said they didn't have apostrophes

So he now wears a watch bearing the legend

"Were very proud of you"

wannaBe · 03/10/2007 14:19

my dh has an expensive watch that I bought him as a wedding present. So last night I asked him about it and whether he would get rid of it if we split, to which he responded "no" so when I asked why not he said "because it's a nice watch and I like it. Would you get rid of all your jewellery that I bought?"

It's a watch, it's not a token of their love, because their love has long since passed and your dh is now with you. In fact you could look at it as being all that he has to show for that relationship.

None of my previous boyfriends ever bought me anything worth keeping, but if me and dh split I certainly wouldn't get rid of all the lovely jewellery he's bought me.

slightly at the woman who made her engagement ring into wedding jewellery but each to their own and all that.

Original poster
artichokes · 03/10/2007 14:22

You may not beleive this Capp but at the point I bought him the replacement I was buying it for him.

At that point the old watch had been joked about a few times but I simply thought he wore it because he needed a watch. I bought the replacement thinking he would like it (I did not know the finanical worth of the old watch then). The old watch only started to bother me after he opened my present and explained how much the other watch was worth, and how much he liked it. Since then it has rankled but before then it never did.

OP posts:
Elizabetth · 03/10/2007 15:06

Sorry you're getting so much stick about this artichokes. I don't think you are being unreasonable about it at all.

Basically he'll wear the gifts of whichever woman can spend the most money on him, regardless of their relationship. Selfish and insenstive as hell if you ask me.

If it's just a frickin' watch as all the people who are claiming you're being unreasonable are saying, then why can't he wear your watch which is also "just a watch"?

Seriously ask him what it would cost him to stop wearing it. What does he think he would lose?

Elizabetth · 03/10/2007 15:09

Sorry, got to rant a bit more. It's a love token - it's taken all this time for him even to think of getting rid of the inscription on it. Every day he is wearing another woman's words of love. That's just weird if you ask me.

madamez · 03/10/2007 15:21

Well it's possible that he thinks that giving in to one irrational, paranoid, whiny demand will only placate his partner for a brief space of time and then she'll be whining and demanding he give up something else.
OP I am not saying this is the case because I don't know one way or another how reasonable you are. But as a general rule, paranoid insecurity is not easily satisfied and if you feed it by making the required sacrifices, more and more sacrifices get demanded. SO you end up dressed in ugly clothes, your friends driven away and all your freedom of movement restricted...

yogimum · 03/10/2007 15:51

wannabe Just to clarify I'm having the my ex ring reset into just another ring not into wedding jewellry. Yes that would be weird.

cestlavie · 03/10/2007 16:01

Well said madamez.

Actually artichokes, you sound reasonably laid back about it so this doesn't really apply to you but I find it appalling that there are people out there who are so paranoid and insecure about either themselves or their relationship that they require their partners to divest themselves of anything that feeds that, be it family, friends, photos, jewellery etc. If you can't take that person as they are then you simply shouldn't be with them.