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Original poster

My Dh's wrist watch is driving a wedge between us...

144 replies

artichokes · 02/10/2007 21:04

... it is a very expensive watch and he loves it. He could never afford another watch like it. Thing is it was a gift from his ex. She got in engraved on the back "To X, I love you every second, Y".

I hate the fact that we are married and have a baby but everywhere we go this memento of his last love comes with us. They are not in touch anymore and I am not worried he still loves her but I find this inordinately annoying.

Am I being unfair, obsessive and mad or do people agree that it is weird for him to keep the watch irrespective of how nice it is?

OP posts:
scarymum · 02/10/2007 21:54

but what about children? People have children from previous relationships and those are far more important than "stuff" and yet new partners accept the children from previous relationships and children are very much a token of love between partners.

Obviously you couldn't get rid of the kids but it's still a comparrison?

If my relationship with dh ended for any reason I would never get rid of all the jewellery he bought me because I love it, would love it even if he hadn't bought it.

Original poster
artichokes · 02/10/2007 21:55

Pillowcases!? For your bed??

If you ever got your head around that one then I take my hat off to you.

OP posts:
iota · 02/10/2007 21:56

I've had a couple of relationships (at least) that ended badly and I felt compelled to get rid of objects associated with them - including non-personal items such as the ironing board given to us by his mother.

It's psychological - I just didn't want the reminders of the relationship around me and I certainly didn't want them in my shiny new home with my new dh.

DottydotsofBloodOnTheFloor · 02/10/2007 21:57

I know!!!! But dp couldn't see the problem - thinks I'm weird for even thinking twice about the odd-ness of it. We've had them years and I still have a twinge of 'grrr' when we use them... (dp won't get rid of them - they're handmade from her ex/best friend and therefore to stay with us forever).

See how I match you in the unhinged stakes?!

iota · 02/10/2007 21:58

Dotty I'm with you - all the bedding from my bad relationship went to the charity shop

moondog · 02/10/2007 22:06

psml Scary.
That is bloody bad taste eh?

yogimum · 02/10/2007 22:27

I occasionally wear my engagement ring from my first marriage. Its a stunning solitaire diamond worth a lot of money. If I could afford another I'd make them into earrings. I'm going to have it reset. DH has never commented on it. If it bothered him I would get rid.

yogimum · 02/10/2007 22:29

get rid of the ring not him.

Dropdeadfred · 02/10/2007 22:35

Its just a watch, he doesn't love her he loves you...(and the watch)
If he had children with his ex would you want him to stop seeing them?

Unless you bought him an exact replacement and he STILL chose to wear the old one I don't think you can moan about it...

empen · 02/10/2007 22:35

I have my old engagement ring from my ex - and from time to time I still wear it. It is the most expensive piece of jewellery I own and I picked it so I really like it. Current boyf would be pissed off if he knew and I would be really pissed if it was the other way round but I know that I still wear this ring for innocent reasons and it holds no feelings or memories for me of my ex. (I would never let me ex see me wearing it cause that could cause all sorts of probs)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 02/10/2007 23:53

The watch is just an object.

The sentiment behind the giving of the watch has long since gone.

If your DH (heaven forbid) were to disappear tomorrow - what would hold most dear to you about him? His wedding ring? His clothes? A special photograph?

Or memories? It's lifes experiences that form bonds and love and emotions. Not objects.

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 03/10/2007 00:03

its a f*cking watch, get a grip

it tells the time, is a classic timepiece (i'm guessing), he looks at it to tell the time.

why does it really bother you? i know you said you bought him a new watch, but maybe he just prefers the style of the old watch.

fortyplus · 03/10/2007 00:08

My dad kept a little teddy his ex gf gave him - he was an RAF bomber pilot and it flew missions with him.

My mum still hates it 60 years later! Didn't stop my dad loving her till the day he died - but he wouldn't chuck it out.

sleepycat · 03/10/2007 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madamez · 03/10/2007 00:14

Get over it. It's just a watch.

fortyplus · 03/10/2007 00:15

If it's the engraving that's the problem and it's an expensive watch but he really likes it for its own sake - why not just buy a new back for it?

Elizabetth · 03/10/2007 00:26

It would annoy me too. A watch is a really personal thing. It's probably the only item that you wear all the time.

Tortington · 03/10/2007 00:30

id be like " its just a watch - porn it and buy me something nice you FECK"

fortyplus · 03/10/2007 00:34

at 'porn' it!!!

MyTwopenceworth · 03/10/2007 09:51

This is classic man v woman!

Woman - watch is symbol of lost love, a tie and a reminder of the past and possibly of what could have been...

Man - watch is nice.

cestlavie · 03/10/2007 09:59

MTPW: funny and very accurate.

DW has jewellery given to her by her ex from ages back and she wears it sometimes for nights out etc. I couldn't care less. We're married, happy and have a great kid. What the bollocks is a bit of jewellery next to that?

theSelfishMan · 03/10/2007 11:14

Wrt artichokes point re: DH ignoring something that upsets you - obviously he is aware it upsets you (unless you've been silently stewing over it, which I doubt given your posts).

At a guess, he ignores it not so much because he doesnt understand why it upsets you, but rather he finds it incomprehensible that despite the fact that he asked you to marry him, gave you the ring, has a child with you, is apparently a good father to said child and good husband to you, you are allowing your insecurity to "drive a wedge between us". Over a watch.

Have a chat with him, see if he will accept replaceing the watch in any way. See if you can get an identical one (ebay).

If you can't, or he won't, (and I don't mean this to be as rude as it sounds), may I suggest a large cup of grow the f*ck up. Some things in life and relationships you can't change - and if you read a few threads on this section, you've got it a lot better than some others.

But sweet baby jesus, get the inscription changed.

maisemor · 03/10/2007 11:14

Sorry too many messages to read them all. Why don't you give him a watch with an enscription from you for his next birthday? or Christmas?

Baffy · 03/10/2007 11:46

It would bother me too. And yes you may have things better than a lot of people on here if he's a good father/husband etc...
But that doesn't mean your feelings should be disregarded!

It bothers you. Therefore, he shouldn't wear it. End of.

Why is the fact that he (or others) see it as 'no big deal' more important than the fact that it upsets you.
Who's opinion is more valid?!

At the end of the day, it's not causing him hurt or pain. But it is affecting you. So he should take the bloody thing off!

CountessDracula · 03/10/2007 11:54

I think it would depend a little on how he split from her and what his feelings are about her.

I, for eg, get a birthday present each year from my first boyfriend! DH however doesn't mind one bit as we met through him, he was best man at our wedding, we are godparents to his ds etc. It is all very obvious that there is no residual feeling there other than friendship.

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