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Original poster

Is it OK for dp to have naked photos of ex-girlfriends on the family computer?!

131 replies

bigwombat · 30/09/2007 20:49

Just browsing randomly through the family laptop (kept in living room) when I came across 2 photos of one of dp's very treasured ex-girlfriends (tasteful but still naked!!) along with loads of other clothed ones. She was basically the love of his life but dumped him. I started seeing him a few months after they stopped seeing each other for the 2nd time (first went out 15 years before, he then left his wife for her more recently but it didn't work out).

There are also naked photos of another mysterious woman!

Is it commonplace for men to keep such photos of past lovers or am I right to be a bit bothered? It was on a computer used by everyone including dd1 so he obviously didn't feel he needed to hide it. Also he has never shown any interest in photographing me naked!!

OP posts:
Original poster
bigwombat · 30/09/2007 21:40

It is a sort of retrospective jealousy re this earlier girlfriend if that makes any sense and makes me feel insecure, although with time this is reducing. And now I find these nude photos, plus loads of others - it bothers me because he hasn't taken many pictures of me. Stupid really.

OP posts:
fransmom · 30/09/2007 21:40

ladies, don't bother sending your teenagers to school for "life lessons" - let them read mumsnet threads

fransmom · 30/09/2007 21:41

it's not stupid at all if it makes you feel horrible sweetheart x

Original poster
bigwombat · 30/09/2007 21:41

The pictures actually didn't show any j&d's!

OP posts:
fransmom · 30/09/2007 21:42

would've been horrified and thrown somethign at laptop if i were you and they were showing!!!

(ucm has now explained to me what they are )

newy · 30/09/2007 21:43

UCM, just thinking about MP who says she has naked pics of her exes but doesn't seem to be holding any torches. But no, I wouldn't be happy about it and would severely bollock him. My dh went on a few big holidays with his ex so think most of the pics are from those. Not sure why this bloke is daft enough to put them on a computer where others can find them though.

Charlie999 · 30/09/2007 21:47

It is not OK - I would delete them....remember to empty the recycle bin as well

haychee · 30/09/2007 21:51

Good god NO!
Get them off, delete them totally.
Most definitely NOT commonplace! Id be farkin furious!!!!!!!

Original poster
bigwombat · 30/09/2007 21:58

OK, I have challenged him - he says he can't understand why it's such a big deal, and that I can delete them all, no problems (ie why I am making such a fuss, silly woman ). Of course, I know he's still got all of them on his own (password-protected)PC. He has said he'll delete them off his own computer as well if I want - but still doesn't really get what the big deal is...

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 30/09/2007 22:02

then he's an arse.

fransmom · 30/09/2007 22:04

pillock more like.

could you accidentally crash his pc, wiping all known files off

purpleduck · 30/09/2007 22:31

totally, totally NOT ok!!!!
You already knew that though, right!?

fransmom · 30/09/2007 22:34

am off to bed now, will post tomorrow to ask how you are. nite x((((((((((((((((((bwb))))))))))))))))

Original poster
bigwombat · 30/09/2007 22:34

Yep, I suppose so! Just tend to doubt my judgement... Anyway, pictures now deleted so I suppose the fuss is over

OP posts:
Original poster
bigwombat · 30/09/2007 22:35

Night fransmom x

OP posts:
madamez · 30/09/2007 22:41

Well pardon me but how would you like it if someone insisted on vetting rights over all your memorabilia? Or just went through your belongings tearing up your photographs or deleting files from your computer because they felt 'fwettened'? Obsessive monogamism does not confer the right to destroy other people's property.

Ok it;s reasonable to agree with a partner that material of an adult nature is not left lying around anywhere DCs might accidentaly encounter it, such as on a computer that is used by all the family, but if he wants to keep his souvenir photos on his own computer or on a set of discs somewhere, then that's up to him.

Original poster
bigwombat · 30/09/2007 22:47

Absolutely, madamez, I have not asked him to delete them from his own computer and don't intend to do so. Although most people seem to be objecting on here, responses like yours are why I asked this question in the first place, as I doubted my own judgement! You are fortunate to have been given the type of personality to go through life 'unfwettened'.

OP posts:
UCM · 30/09/2007 22:47

Shuddup Madamez, you are too late

Original poster
bigwombat · 30/09/2007 22:50

lol at 'obsessive monogamism'

OP posts:
Megglevampire · 30/09/2007 23:13

Madamez...go and decant some chickens into a box or something...all is done...nothing more to see over here...

BecauseImWorthIt · 30/09/2007 23:14

Whilst it's a bit insensitive of him to have these things on a machine that others can access, I think you have absolutely no right to delete them.

I have letters from ex boyfriends that in many ways are more explicit than naked photographs - because they express emotions - and I have kept them because they are from people who were very important in my life. They do not impact in any way on how I feel about dh because they are from my past. But if anyone were to destroy them I would be not only gutted but also furious.

You do not have the right to destroy things from his past.

Equally, he needs to make sure that his 'memorabilia' is hidden away a bit more!

singledadofthree · 30/09/2007 23:15

i think its ok - will get some of my next gf hopefully - last one wouldnt let me...no idea why

UCM · 30/09/2007 23:18

My Dh has loads of love letters and stuff. I burnt mine as they were reminders of crap relationships.

I let him keep his because I know that shit or bust, he loves me and thats that.

But porn where our children could find it....

BecauseImWorthIt · 30/09/2007 23:21

I'm sorry - naked pictures of an ex gf may be upsetting to you, but is it really porn? That implies something degrading and distasteful. One assumes that they were taken in the spirit of a loving relationship.

You may not like it once you're in another relationship but you can't deny the feelings that they must once have had for each other.

mylastrolo · 30/09/2007 23:26

weird and i would be fit to be tied. ok for morning paper though at old people's home. i know totally contradicting myself.