Ex husband's new wife wants me to change my surname !

[Amberskies2020]

This really annoys me!!! I was married to my ex for 24 years and his new wife is furious that I've kept my married surname. I kept it so that I had the same name as our children, plus it's what I've been known as for half my life !

Ex and I despise each other and do not talk but this has been put in a lawyers letter.

Did you feel pressured to change your name after divorce ?

[Amberskies2020]

We have a very unique double-barrelled name so she is desperate for me to get rid of it! I come up on Google a lot due to my job. She does not appear on anything at all as she's never had a job than being "a lady of the night" which is how he met her.
...you couldn't write it !! LOL!!!

[MarkRuffaloCrumble]

For anyone wondering why someone might choose to keep their XH’s name rather than change it back ...

For a start:

Passport
Driving licence
Professional registrations/first aid certificates etc
Utility bills
Insurance policies, including several life insurances
Bank account
Business banking x 2
Mortgage
Online shopping accounts - Amazon, Tesco, eBay,
PayPal x 3 accounts
Schools
Car lease
Doctor/dentist
NHS/hospital records
HMRC self assessment
Tax credits
Council tax
Electoral role
Vets
Sky
Mobile phone

Plus just for extra fun, the email address linked to all of above is my name @icloud

[Aquamarine1029]

I find it very odd that a solicitor would even agree to write that letter. There is no legal way anyone can force you to change your name and the solicitor knows it. How bizarre.

[Namechangex10000]

I’m glad my partners ex wife doesn’t go by her married name (mind you I say ex wife but they are still married!!!) however, no matter how much it borhered me I would never have the cheek to suggest he changed it 🤣 can’t enlieve a solicitor would even said you such a letter to be honest!!!

[Longdistance]

Send the new wife the solicitor letter back and write FUCK OFF! In black sharpie over it.

[Oldbutstillgotit]

@ BlackAmericanoNoSugar she did keep the married name (even when ex remarried again ) although she died soon after.

[VettiyaIruken]

How can you resist replying how can you care so much about shared names that you want me to change my surname yet you called your child the same name as the woman your husband fucked just after you got married.

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

DH's XW kept her name. We are reasonably civil, and have each other on FB. If we both had the same name, I would feel like we were a bit of a harem I didn't actually change my name, but on FB, I am my name double-barelled with DH's name. It does cause confusion in RL when we have different names despite being married. Not too common round these parts. I imagine in That London it's more commonplace.

[Autviaminveniamautfaciam]

I would write back that I was in the process of changing it when you received this demand and it upset you so much that you’ve decided you are not ready to change it yet.

[mathanxiety]

I love Icedlatte's resposnse. It's perfect.
I like Drinkingallthewine's idea of the monogrammed and watermarked paper too.

I had a married name ding-dong with my exH. Long story, but after we divorced he filed three motions of contempt of court (and one petition for an order of protection) against me over the course of nine horrible years, and in the first one he used my maiden name. This was after he had tried to send me a child support cheque in my maiden name which my bank wouldn't accept (after sending the previous 15 using my legal name; go figure).

So there we were in front of the judge, and I brought up the fact that exH was insisting on using my maiden name, which I hadn't used since we married, including using it on a child support cheque which had to be redrawn and therefore only deposited in my account three weeks after it was due, as a result of his ridiculous pig headedness. exH flat out stated that I had changed back to my maiden name. I denied this and offered to show the judge all the ID and cards in my wallet with my married name on it. The judge gave exH a head tilt and told him to use my legal name and also send his child support cheques on time.

I kept my married name in order to have the same surname as my children.

[Needsomeadvicehere]

You are in the right of course, OP. Dont listen to their nonsense. What a nasty idiot your XH has married. I bet he's now wishing he was still with you! His tough luck.

[SpilltheTea]

I'd have to laugh to be honest. She sounds absolutely pathetic getting enraged over YOUR name. What a piece of work. I couldn't not point out the irony with her daughter's name.

[mathanxiety]

As an aside here, the title Ms can be used by any woman married, unmarried, formerly married, whatever.

It's not supposed to just denote someone is divorced.

Up to the invention of the term, women's titles, Miss or Mrs, indicated their marital status. It was coined in order to provide an information-neutral title for women that was the equivalent of the information neutral title Mr that is used by men.

[SunbathingDragon]

@QwertyZXY

Alternatively they could both change there names by Deed pol to your maiden name....perhaps suggest that

Please do this.

[TheFormidableMrsC]

OH this is marvellous! I have kept my married name, it's been my surname for 20 years and I am not changing it. We also have a son and I will be keeping the same surname as him. This has caused an issue previously and comments have been made. Ex-h is about to marry OW and she will be the 3rd Mrs C. I strongly suspect they are going to choose a new surname, she has already given herself a different surname for reasons unknown and I think ex-h will take that. I might be wrong, will be interesting to see! My surname is not common and often commented on and I like it and it's staying whether they like it or not.

I know it's because they can charge an extortionate amount for writing stupid letters, but it does annoy me when solicitors go along with this fuckery. I once received a letter from OW's solicitor saying that I had been "talking about her jewellery" and some other nonsense. I haven't got a clue about her sodding jewellery so I have no idea where that came from and the solicitor threatened me with a court application. I just replied "If you client believes her assertions to be true, then I suggest you advise her to apply to the court". I never heard another word

[SunbathingDragon]

@Aquamarine1029

I find it very odd that a solicitor would even agree to write that letter. There is no legal way anyone can force you to change your name and the solicitor knows it. How bizarre.

They agree because they get paid.

[netflixismysidehustle]

@Amberskies2020

We have a very unique double-barrelled name so she is desperate for me to get rid of it! I come up on Google a lot due to my job. She does not appear on anything at all as she's never had a job than being "a lady of the night" which is how he met her.
...you couldn't write it !! LOL!!!

He should pick one of the names then. You stay Mrs Amber-Skies while he becomes Mr Amber or Mr Skies

[netflixismysidehustle]

It is weird that he can't change his name but you must.

[mathanxiety]

Letter was about some financial stuff and he used my maiden name 3 different times, only to be told each time to use my proper "married" name.

@Amberskies2020, you need to send a strongly worded solicitor's letter to make him use your legal name in all financial dealings. There is potential to screw you over otherwise.

[Chosennone]

I had exactly the same... twice! Ex's first fiance was obsessive. He mythered me about it all the time, would ring to insist I did it, demanded I change my e mail address (containing the sirname). Once I laughed and she said i was laughing at them and controlling the situation.

They did split and then his new gf was the same. Luckily I got re married before it got out of hand as she is actually a nice woman, unlike the other one 😬 bonkers!

[mathanxiety]

netflixismysidehustle, it's possible the double barreled name was the exH's name, which the OP adopted upon marriage, not a hyphenated name consisting of his surname and her maiden name.

[SlatternIsMyMiddleName]

Start channeling Terry Wogan and refer to her as the Current Mrs X.

On a side note I am a second wife, it never bothered me in the slightest that 1st wife kept the name.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

If you're not using the name fraudulently or to imply that she isn't married to him, then I'm surprised that any lawyer would get involved tbh.

A solicitor will write any letter to any person about any topic as long as it isn't actually illegal.

They get paid for the letter, not the subject, and who can blame them - that's their job.

It's probable that their solicitor advised them that they couldn't compel OP to change her name and they said "Just write it. We're paying your fee - do as you're told."

[SlatternIsMyMiddleName]

Sorry OP, could you Just clarify - your ex has married a prostitute??