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Relationships

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Original poster

Ex husband's new wife wants me to change my surname !

279 replies

Amberskies2020 · 23/07/2020 15:58

This really annoys me!!! I was married to my ex for 24 years and his new wife is furious that I've kept my married surname. I kept it so that I had the same name as our children, plus it's what I've been known as for half my life !

Ex and I despise each other and do not talk but this has been put in a lawyers letter.

Did you feel pressured to change your name after divorce ?

OP posts:

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 23/07/2020 16:38

Alternatively they could both change there names by Deed pol to your maiden name....perhaps suggest that

I still have my married name after 8 years. I really can’t be arsed to change it and tbh I thought I’d probably wait until I get married again then just change it to DP’s rather than going back to my old name, as that just doesn’t feel like me anymore.

However, my passport is up for renewal in a few months so I may do it then, if I can be bothered. XH has never mentioned it, but he did change his back (we double barrelled) a few years ago.

DP isn’t fussed but he usually just shortens my name to my maiden name rather than adding XH’s onto it when asked, but I’d probably be a bit annoyed if his ex had his surname (they didn’t marry) and I don’t. But not enough to pay a solicitor to try and pressure her to change it! Ridiculous.

Maybe send them a letter saying you’ve had a think and have decided that you will change your name. Then sign it from her first name and surname

GilbertMarkham · 23/07/2020 16:39

I am the new Mrs X now !

I don't think I could've resisted saying "it's a time share, love - haven't you realised that by now. I thought his affair might have made you realise".

ravenmum · 23/07/2020 16:39

Write back and say that in accordance with his wishes, you will be changing your name and that of your children to your maiden name.

FizzyGreenWater · 23/07/2020 16:39

Send back to them:

'Me and my children's family name is X.
That isn't going to change.
If you two don't like us having the same surname as you, then perhaps it would be better for you to either use X (wife's) surname for your married name, or to choose a new surname?
We have no issue with you sharing our surname, so if you feel differently, I'm afraid it's your problem to solve.'

Bemorechicken · 23/07/2020 16:40

Madness. Call yourself whatever surname you like.

I never changed my name when I got married -a bone of contention.

His solicitor kept referring and sending me letters to Mrs Hisname. I'm not a Mrs and never had been Hisname.

Every single time -my solicitor responded to it by saying -we do not have client of that name. And she never charged me to do this. She hated it as her ex husband had done something similiar to her. He got the message eventually.

BurtsBeesKnees · 23/07/2020 16:41

Can you change your email address to [email protected] and tell him it's your new email

MulticolourMophead · 23/07/2020 16:43

@EthelMayFergus

I find it really odd that they named their daughter after his affair partner, yet she's too insecure to share a surname with you. Nowt as queer as folk

But does she actually know it's the name of the OW? That could be interesting if she doesn't.....

Lightofthephoenix · 23/07/2020 16:46

Good point

OnceUponAPotato · 23/07/2020 16:46

Ridiculous! Part of the reason I didn't change my name on marriage was that I didn't want the same name as his ex... but it would never have occurred to me to suggest she change her name, especially with kids involved!

MashedPotatoBrainz · 23/07/2020 16:48

If you want to set the cat amongst the pigeons point out that changing your name won't change the fact that you were the first choice of wife and the new wife needs to come to terms with being the second choice.

Or just ignore it.

PenelopePitstop49 · 23/07/2020 16:50

I'd say fine as long as the children change theirs.

Jesus, are people really that insecure

coolestmum · 23/07/2020 16:50

Don't really understand why you'd want to keep the name of someone you are no longer married to and despise, just because its the same as your dc surname. It wont make any difference to them at all.

Is it actually her requesting it or him? Maybe he just doesn't want you to have his name anymore, since you are not longer his wife?

silentpool · 23/07/2020 16:51

I didn't change my name but had I done it, my husband's new wife would have been told to take a flying leap, if she'd asked that. It's not your problem that she hates being the next one in a line of wives. I would start referring to her as Mrs X the second, while you are Mrs X the original (and best ).

DeRigueurMortis · 23/07/2020 16:52

They sound monumentally stupid.

I can't think of anything less likely to make you want you to change your name than the knowledge that it pisses off your Ex and the OW he had an affair with.

I'd just reply back saying the clue is in the wording "my name" and neither he nor she have any say over what you call yourself.

If she wants to be the only Mrs Ex then perhaps your ExDH should change his name to her maiden name and their child's surname - problem solved.

emmetgirl · 23/07/2020 16:54

Tell her to go and f*#k herself

lightyearsahead · 23/07/2020 16:57

I think I would have years of fun with his.
Do not change your name if you don't want to.
And so the the stuff advised above.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 23/07/2020 16:57

Your ex had an affair at the beginning of his new marriage ? he sounds like such a catch

MulticolourMophead · 23/07/2020 16:57

@coolestmum

Don't really understand why you'd want to keep the name of someone you are no longer married to and despise, just because its the same as your dc surname. It wont make any difference to them at all.

Is it actually her requesting it or him? Maybe he just doesn't want you to have his name anymore, since you are not longer his wife?

But it's equally her name now. Men don't own names, no one does.

And yes, having a different surname to DC can sometimes cause issues. Most obvious example being if you're travelling abroad. Also, sometimes it can cause confusion in schools, because teachers look for the adult with the same surname as the kid. I've had a friend who went to collect her DC, and the supply teacher wouldn't let her have her child because the name was different. It took someone from the office to vouch for my friend before the child got released.

I have a different name from my DC (long story, if I had the chance to do things over again, I'd give the DC my name, and would have left soon after youngest was born). I didn't have any problems, but from the issues this and other friends had, I think I was just lucky.

Notcoolmum · 23/07/2020 16:58

I kept my married name. I don't see it as my ex's surname. It's mine and my children's surname.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 23/07/2020 17:00

It would be the boring admin that would really put me off changing my name, that's the main reason that I didn't change my name when I got married.

oakleaffy · 23/07/2020 17:03

You should call yourself
Mrs Smith the Numero Uno😂
Or whatever your surname is.

The barefaced cheek of the newcomer.. Number One Wife Says No👍

netflixismysidehustle · 23/07/2020 17:04

@coolestmum

Don't really understand why you'd want to keep the name of someone you are no longer married to and despise, just because its the same as your dc surname. It wont make any difference to them at all.

Is it actually her requesting it or him? Maybe he just doesn't want you to have his name anymore, since you are not longer his wife?

Maybe she has a 24yr professional reputation with that name? Maybe after 24 years her maiden name feels alien to her? I changed my surname in 2003 and divorced in 2012. I kept my surname the same so it matches the kids. Having a different name doesn't do any harm but people may assume that she's not their mum (a guardian or stepmother) which is annoying. If the ex husband feels so strongly he should become Mr OWSurname

diddl · 23/07/2020 17:04

If you're not using the name fraudulently or to imply that she isn't married to him, then I'm surprised that any lawyer would get involved tbh.

MacduffsMuff · 23/07/2020 17:05

I am the new Mrs X. I don't think I could have resisted responding 'For now ...' and leaving it at that.

KingOfDogShite · 23/07/2020 17:05

I’d quite enjoy winding her up to be honest.

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