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Original poster

Ex husband's new wife wants me to change my surname !

279 replies

Amberskies2020 · 23/07/2020 15:58

This really annoys me!!! I was married to my ex for 24 years and his new wife is furious that I've kept my married surname. I kept it so that I had the same name as our children, plus it's what I've been known as for half my life !

Ex and I despise each other and do not talk but this has been put in a lawyers letter.

Did you feel pressured to change your name after divorce ?

OP posts:
Lightofthephoenix · 23/07/2020 17:07

I am the new Mrs X

And I am the original Mrs X

Alsohuman · 23/07/2020 17:09

@coolestmum

Don't really understand why you'd want to keep the name of someone you are no longer married to and despise, just because its the same as your dc surname. It wont make any difference to them at all.

Is it actually her requesting it or him? Maybe he just doesn't want you to have his name anymore, since you are not longer his wife?

He doesn’t get a say. My husband’s ex kept his name to make things easier with the kids’ schools. Seemed fair to me. I didn’t change my name, so she’s Mrs X and I’m Ms Human. He’s been married to me longer than he was married to her too.
EL8888 · 23/07/2020 17:10

Tough shit is my answer to her. She doesn’t own the name, you probably aren’t the only person with it

Shinyletsbebadguys · 23/07/2020 17:11

Hah I agree with pp suggest sweetly that they are right your surnames should reflect your status. Mrs xyz number 1 and new wife can be mrs cuz runner up or sloppy seconds if she prefers

What utter twunts , I mentioned this to stbexh ( we have been separated for years and just now getting around to a divorce ) and we were only married 10 years. For the same reasons you said he said he was more than happy (I was only asking out of politeness he knows me well enough to know I will do what I damn well like anyway) for me to keep the same name as DC and really for as long as I wanted . He , bless him, took the kick and said " ita bot like you will randomly forget we are divorced and turn up is it ".

MadameMeursault · 23/07/2020 17:12

Start calling her “the current Mrs X”

SecretWitch · 23/07/2020 17:13

I played the same game with my ex. His attorney kept putting the request to vacate last name. I just kept crossing it out with a “no” beside the line. I only changed my last name when I remarried.

LockdownLoser · 23/07/2020 17:13

I kept my married name, it feels like me, it was me for many years.

Definitely sign any correspondence with Mrs X the 1st.

FlamedToACrisp · 23/07/2020 17:15

Must admit I didn't fancy having the same surname as DH's first wife, so I asked him to change his name to a hyphenated version before we married.

In your situation I would definitely write back and ask if she would be requesting her husband's ex-girlfriend to change her first name so it was no longer the same as her daughter's!

SunshineCake · 23/07/2020 17:17

*@MarkRuffaloCrumble why would be annoyed if your ex's now ex partner had changed her name to his by deed poll, as they didn't marry, but you hadn't when you married him? Seems someone else is being silly about names.

InvincibleInvisibility · 23/07/2020 17:18

We bought our flat from a lady in her 70s who was spitting feathers because her ex-DIL had kept her family name...which meant ex-MIL and ex-DIL shared both first and last names 😀😀😀

Poppinjay · 23/07/2020 17:19

Change your first name by deed poll to hers just for a giggle.

Alternatively, engage with the request from the solicitor and ask dozens of questions about whether the law says you have to do it, who will pay the costs, and all sorts of other stupid questions so he has to pay his solicitor to write back to you repeatedly (if only to tell you to get your own legal advice) before you eventually reply saying that you will be keeping your name as it is.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 23/07/2020 17:20

Don't really understand why you'd want to keep the name of someone you are no longer married to and despise

Because it's her name as much as his.

The name I took on marriage became my name. It will be my name until I die or I decide to change it. If I divorced DH I would stop using Mrs and use Ms, probably, but the surname we share doesn't belong to him. It's mine as much as anyone's.

SoupDragon · 23/07/2020 17:22

@coolestmum

Don't really understand why you'd want to keep the name of someone you are no longer married to and despise, just because its the same as your dc surname. It wont make any difference to them at all.

Is it actually her requesting it or him? Maybe he just doesn't want you to have his name anymore, since you are not longer his wife?

It's her name. She didn't just borrow it.
SoupDragon · 23/07/2020 17:23

I think it would make my day if I received a letter demanding I change my name 😂

TheMaddHugger · 23/07/2020 17:23

Icedlatte Thu 23-Jul-20 16:09:15
I would reply saying

"In response to your request, no.
However thankyou for the entertainment, and for providing work and fees for your solicitor during this difficult time. I'm glad it cost you money to send that hilarious letter, and more money for your solicitor to receive this one.
Best of luck for your marriage, I hope you enjoy being Mrs (name) the 2nd"

^^

This, But make it Mrs [name] the 3rd
Make her think for a minute haha

stairgates · 23/07/2020 17:23

I would enjoy winding them up aswell :) I would address all my replies to their solicitor so they were charged each time the solicitor wrote backGrin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/07/2020 17:24

"In response to your request, no.
However thankyou for the entertainment, and for providing work and fees for your solicitor during this difficult time. I'm glad it cost you money to send that hilarious letter, and more money for your solicitor to receive this one.
Best of luck for your marriage, I hope you enjoy being Mrs (name) the 2nd"

Superb response, Icedlatte

stairgates · 23/07/2020 17:24

@TheMaddHugger Exactly thisGrin

FaceOfASpink · 23/07/2020 17:26

It's simply none of their business what you choose to call yourself.

Lollypop4 · 23/07/2020 17:27

@Icedlatte

I would reply saying

"In response to your request, no.
However thankyou for the entertainment, and for providing work and fees for your solicitor during this difficult time. I'm glad it cost you money to send that hilarious letter, and more money for your solicitor to receive this one.
Best of luck for your marriage, I hope you enjoy being Mrs (name) the 2nd"

Yep this!!

Its not the same but when I left DP, he refused to take my name off mortgage for 2 yrs!!! When he moved his girlfriend into our jointly owned house .., I sent HER a rental bill!
My name was off within 6weeks! Hahah!

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 23/07/2020 17:30

@MarkRuffaloCrumble why would be annoyed if your ex's now ex partner had changed her name to his by deed poll, as they didn't marry, but you hadn't when you married him? Seems someone else is being silly about names.

My ex doesn’t have a new partner - I said my DP’s ex. Sorry my post was a bit confusing, too many players in this game!

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 23/07/2020 17:31

I suggested on the other thread that she change her name to "The Real Mrs Whatever."

In your position, I'd be humming a bit of Eminem....

Oh I'm Miss Amber
I'm the real Miss Amber
Would the other Miss Ambers please stand up
Please please stand up.

damnthatanxiety · 23/07/2020 17:31

Weirder still, the ex had a brief affair at the beginning of their marriage and now he and the wife have had a baby girl.... who has been given same name as the affair partner?!?! Is that just odd in the extreme??!!

too weird. Seriously weird

SunshineCake · 23/07/2020 17:33

The question is still the same though. You are with him now so why does it matter ?Confused.

Drinkingallthewine · 23/07/2020 17:38

Reply using your personally monogrammed letter paper and envelopes that has the family crest and motto watermarked into the paper.