Ex husband's new wife wants me to change my surname !

[Amberskies2020]

This really annoys me!!! I was married to my ex for 24 years and his new wife is furious that I've kept my married surname. I kept it so that I had the same name as our children, plus it's what I've been known as for half my life !

Ex and I despise each other and do not talk but this has been put in a lawyers letter.

Did you feel pressured to change your name after divorce ?

[LaLaLandIsNoFun]

Ignore the silly bint

[RhianFuckingMorris]

Stupid fucking cow.

I'd keep.it for ever now evening had been considering a change.

I'd take greatvdelight in windingbher up after all as another posterbsaid you are the "original Mrs X" not the "2nd Mrs X"

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Its not the same but when I left DP, he refused to take my name off mortgage for 2 yrs!!! When he moved his girlfriend into our jointly owned house .., I sent HER a rental bill!
My name was off within 6weeks! Hahah!

Genius!

[BIWI]

@mathanxiety

As an aside here, the title Ms can be used by any woman married, unmarried, formerly married, whatever.

It's not supposed to just denote someone is divorced.

Up to the invention of the term, women's titles, Miss or Mrs, indicated their marital status. It was coined in order to provide an information-neutral title for women that was the equivalent of the information neutral title Mr that is used by men.

I find it amazing that women have to be told this! So much for feminism, eh?

[Highlights12]

Think I'd say you were about to change it but now you know it annoys her so much you've decided to keep it

[MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously]

I think that solicitors who write letters pandering to client gripes, where there is no legal wrongdoing on the part of the recipient, are bringing their profession into disrepute. They are using their legal authority to infer that the OP has to comply. People who don't know any better might be intimidated into doing so. It's unethical imo.
If I was a solicitor, I'd be too embarrassed to put my name to a letter like that.

[MissTemple]

Throw her a bone, agree to change your name to ‘ The first, original and best Mrs Amberskies’.

[BreatheAndFocus]

Unbelievable! What a poor insecure woman she must be!

Do you have to reply? I’d ignore it as I wouldn’t deign to give the silly thing reasons like I owe her an explanation. If I did have to reply, I’d suggest she retained her maiden name if it bothered her so much.

On a vaguely related point, I do wish I’d kept my own surname when I got married and given it to my children. Like most people, the main reason I’ve kept my married name after divorce is to have the same surname as my children. I also have another child with a different ex, and I felt obliged to give that child his surname because it would have been weird to give him ‘my’ surname which is actually my ex-husband’s surname.

[DeRigueurMortis]

Dear Solicitor,

Thank you for your letter dated xx/xx/xx requesting on behalf of your clients that I revert back to my maiden name.

Having given the matter the very minimal consideration it deserves, I have concluded that it is only fair that I afford Mr Skies and the second Mrs Skies the same consideration of their marriage and the latter's name in respect of that union as they afforded to me (as the first Mrs Skies) when they embarked on an affair.

As such, I have every intention on retaining my current name that mirrors that of my children indefinitely.

I do however commend them for supporting the legal profession in this difficult economic climate in engaging you, albeit with overly entitled and legally unenforceable demands.

Kind regards,

Mrs Skies (the first)

[MNX42]

I'm amazed that anyone would resort to sending a solicitor's letter about this. What with his affair and her insecurities I can't see this being a long and happy union can you?

How about this one; when my brother got married they double barrelled their surnames into something very pretentious grand. When they divorced they both kept the double barrelled name. Brother then married his affair partner and she takes on the double barrelled name. 6 years later they divorce and she has kept the name, so half of her surname is my brother's first wife's maiden name!

[MrsFogi]

Bloody hell - the only thing I would be doing in response to that request would be to change my first name to her name and taking advice on how to register it as a trademark.

[SeasonFinale]

You should write back and say no but also put the cat amongst the pigeons and ask why they have called the baby after one of his girlfriends.

I was in the bizarre opposite situation where when DH and I got married although his ex wife had always retained her maiden name suddenly she started using the married name. Which was rather strange but whatever

[Sugartitties]

i think it’s a little sad when the ex wife keeps the name. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t go back to your actual name after divorce. Small kids bring the only good reason. School is the only place I use my married name. It was pointless really as my daughter wants to drop her surname for my maiden name and when she’s older will change it by deed poll.

[Zilla1]

Aquamarine, as sunbathing says, they'll generally send anything provided it isn't unlawful (some threats) or breaches their code of professional responsibility (when when you see some of the things English solicitors have done, you might not have too much faith in). They'll sometime couch the obviously bonkers with 'my client instructs me to say' or 'based on what my client has advised' or similar weasel words. I suppose they can justify almost anything by reverting to the ethics of supporting their client.

[netflixismysidehustle]

@mathanxiety

netflixismysidehustle, it's possible the double barreled name was the exH's name, which the OP adopted upon marriage, not a hyphenated name consisting of his surname and her maiden name.

I know but if he's inconvenienced by OP maintaining her name then he needs to change his.

[MandosHatHair]

I think that solicitors who write letters pandering to client gripes, where there is no legal wrongdoing on the part of the recipient, are bringing their profession into disrepute. They are using their legal authority to infer that the OP has to comply. People who don't know any better might be intimidated into doing so. It's unethical imo.
If I was a solicitor, I'd be too embarrassed to put my name to a letter like that.

This!

[SantaClaritaDiet]

New wife is not from this country
that might explain it, in some countries you are legally not allowed to keep your husband's name.

[IdblowJonSnow]

Wow! That's hilarious! Say you'll do it... for 10k!

[GilderoyLockdown]

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

I think that solicitors who write letters pandering to client gripes, where there is no legal wrongdoing on the part of the recipient, are bringing their profession into disrepute. They are using their legal authority to infer that the OP has to comply. People who don't know any better might be intimidated into doing so. It's unethical imo.
If I was a solicitor, I'd be too embarrassed to put my name to a letter like that.

What legal authority? Solicitors give people advice and provide representation on the law. There's no power to make anyone do anything they don't want to do.

[SoupDragon]

i think it’s a little sad when the ex wife keeps the name. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t go back to your actual name after divorce.

I think it's a little sad that you can't grasp that it is her actual name.

[pussycatinboots]

@DeRigueurMortis

Dear Solicitor,

Thank you for your letter dated xx/xx/xx requesting on behalf of your clients that I revert back to my maiden name.

Having given the matter the very minimal consideration it deserves, I have concluded that it is only fair that I afford Mr Skies and the second Mrs Skies the same consideration of their marriage and the latter's name in respect of that union as they afforded to me (as the first Mrs Skies) when they embarked on an affair.

As such, I have every intention on retaining my current name that mirrors that of my children indefinitely.

I do however commend them for supporting the legal profession in this difficult economic climate in engaging you, albeit with overly entitled and legally unenforceable demands.

Kind regards,

Mrs Skies (the first)

Please do this.

[MandosHatHair]

I would be tempted to send them a cease and desist letter back to them via thier solicitor, telling them that you have already told them that you will not be changing your name and that you will consider any further requests to be harassment.

[IceCreamSummer20]

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

For anyone wondering why someone might choose to keep their XH’s name rather than change it back ...

For a start:

Passport
Driving licence
Professional registrations/first aid certificates etc
Utility bills
Insurance policies, including several life insurances
Bank account
Business banking x 2
Mortgage
Online shopping accounts - Amazon, Tesco, eBay,
PayPal x 3 accounts
Schools
Car lease
Doctor/dentist
NHS/hospital records
HMRC self assessment
Tax credits
Council tax
Electoral role
Vets
Sky
Mobile phone

Plus just for extra fun, the email address linked to all of above is my name *@icloud*

Ha ha! I really don’t buy this argument at all.

Before a woman married and changed her name she would have also had to change all of these! However this is NEVER a problem then...

[MzHz]

Did this woman know about him shagging this Ow? Does she know their kid is named after his affair partner?

[IceCreamSummer20]

Has anyone had deja vu? There was exactly the same thread a week or so ago?!