Should your OH have a say in the car you drive?

[Handy123]

I drive a VW transporter (which I bought on my own) as at the time I ran my own business and needed the space. I’m now not doing that business any more and have had a new job for two years now. Husband loves the transporter more than I do (but he has two cars of his own anyway).

I’ve got to the point where I can afford to buy something that I’d like to drive. He keeps going mad whenever I mention it, saying what a great car the VW is for us and our family needs. We’ve two children, a large dog and another baby on the way.

Should I:
a) sell the VW and buy the car I really want?
b) give him the VW and then buy the car I really want (technically I can just about afford to do that)?
c) keep the VW just to keep him happy

Does anyone else’s OH have a big say in what car you drive or is this bordering on controlling behaviour? It sounds so daft but it’s getting me down.

[SarahBellam]

I choose and buy my own car, and my DP chooses and buys his. He loves coming to look with me though, but that’s because he loves cars and knows a lot about them. It’s like a day out for him! That said, I pick cars suitable for the family needs, and so does he. His is more suitable for longer drives and he uses it mostly for the 60 mile round trip to work, while mine is more practical for a quick trip into town as it’s nippier and easier to park. I’d say look at what you need as a family then sell everything and get something suitable. His crappy van and dodgy Golf are no more suitable than a too big vehicle for you.

[SandyY2K]

Why would you just give him a 19k car and then have to buy another one yourself?
You must keep on letting yourself get used in this marriage and he knows you'll do just what he says.

Time to change the narrative and stand firm.

[Annasgirl]

Oh dear OP, as some wise poster said on page 1, this is not about the car (although yes it is the straw that broke the camel's back) it is about his constant abuse of you.

So you have a valuable car and he wants to keep using it but not pay for it ? And to that end he expects you to put aside your needs and that of your family of 2 nearly 3 children (who do NOT need to be driven in an 8 seater van, never mind the environmental waste) to suit his needs.

And then you tell us you always put him first, have moved to suit him twice, have said for everything

Can you see a pattern here?

I hope OP that this is the start of the scales falling. When you are ready, come back to us for support. And try to get counselling IRL for tips on how to deal with him and his temper until you realise that you can do so much better.