Clare's Law Help?

[CagedBirdwithoutAKey]

Hi,

I decided to make a Clare's Law request weeks ago on my DP; not for any particular reason, just possibly a gut feeling of some sort

Anyway, Police guy called me back just now to basically say they're speaking with other agencies etc., but asked me if he stays over, and said if so, don't let him again, for my own safety He said he couldn't disclose much at this stage, so I asked him to just tell me if he was telling me this because something had come back, and he basically said yes

Has anyone had the same happen further to a CL request?

@mindutopia Fucking hell!

And we all know, most abusers get away with it, not even usually prosecuted, so will have a clear Clare's Law screen anyway.

@CagedBirdwithoutAKey What was happening in your 2-year relationship that you felt a CL request was necessary? Did he have a tendency to be aggro etc?

I’d fuck the relationship off it I was you op.

Fair enough you made the application due to past experiences, but like others have said there must be something in your gut telling you something?

There’s plenty of men out there, in time you could find a great one without this kind of bollocks.

@CagedBirdwithoutAKey I'm not sure why you posted really, you asked people for help because of a negatve feeling about your parther, and you acted on that feeling, yet you're calling everyone negative nancies. They were trying to help you, which is why I assume you came on here.

You were obviously not at ease with him in the first place, so that doesn't put your relationship in good stead does it? Or are you at total peace now in regards to persuing things?

My 'negative' feeling was not towards my DP... my insecurities and paranoia got the best of me - no incident, no 'red flag', etc., as much as you would all love to believe!!! In all honesty, I'm telling the absolute truth here !!!

In fact, I think MN is a pretty negative site if I'm honest Surely we're all old enough now not to believe in the whole 'fairytale romance' depicted in the movies?!?! This is real life. We have experiences that make us build walls and want to make sure all is well when we meet new people.

I worked with a girl who used to make sure any new partner of hers had to have an STD test before they were intimidate; something which I completely advocate!

So, call me cynical, un-romantic, blah blah, but it's the day and age we live in, IMHO...

Sorry, *intimate

How are you feeling OP? I mean aside from the way you are feeling about the responses here?

I personally think you need a plan in your head for what you'll do if relevant concerns are or aren't communicated to you by the police. So you feel prepared either way.

Hope you're ok

We wouldn't 'all love to believe' it though. People replied to information you posted. Applying to police for a disclosure, especially years in, isn't the norm

@CagedBirdwithoutAKey

Well I said I'd update you all ...

I got a call this morning to advise that there would be NO DISCLOSURE !!! Yayyy! NO 'domestic' issues, no requirement for me to know anything!!

AND... the Police Officer told me that I wasn't the only one to apply just because of the Coronation St. storyline; it has apparently resulted in many, many more applications since it aired!!

So, for all you 'negative nancies' who put the sh!ts up me, in thinking all kinds, there you have it

What a strange response 😳

And I also don't think anyone put the shits up you, they just responded reasonably.
Anyone who puts a disclosure in usually has a reason to.
If it's your past anxiety etc then you need to work on that and you can't confidently rely on disclosures etc to provide you assurance.
I hope your relationship works out well for you but I do think the response you have given to those who took the time to help you is a bit off.

So you said there was no issues, no DV, he is firmly in yours and your children’s lives, you’ve been together a few years, but to protect your kids (? After all this time ? ) and spurred by Coronation Street you put a request in.

Complained it took so long, whilst those who maybe have genuine cause for concern had to wait longer because of people like yourself applying on a whim creating a backlog. And you’re angry at the Police?

Either you’ve not told the full story and he is actually a concern to you, or you’re as bad as those dialling 999 because their pizza is taking to long to arrive whilst complaining you couldn’t get through.

My ex-hib turned out to be an alcohol, with many skeletons in his closet - and after many years; I think I have cause for concern in any relationship

@FAQs I couldn't have put it better myself.

@CagedBirdwithoutAKey Sure you are right to be cautious, especially when you have kids. It's fair to be extra cautious given your past history. It's not fair to abuse the Clare's Law system to report someone you've already been in a relationship with for a couple of years when you can't articulate any reasons for being concerned other than having watched a TV programme.

If your relationship history is causing you to be "paranoid" or "insecure" perhaps you need to spend some time working on that yourself before going into a relationship.

So you said there was no issues, no DV, he is firmly in yours and your children’s lives, you’ve been together a few years, but to protect your kids (? After all this time ? ) and spurred by Coronation Street you put a request in

If it’s to protect kids then a sarah’s law disclosure is more appropriate surely?