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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Clare's Law Help?

139 replies

CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 17/07/2020 14:56

Hi,

I decided to make a Clare's Law request weeks ago on my DP; not for any particular reason, just possibly a gut feeling of some sort Hmm

Anyway, Police guy called me back just now to basically say they're speaking with other agencies etc., but asked me if he stays over, and said if so, don't let him again, for my own safety Shock He said he couldn't disclose much at this stage, so I asked him to just tell me if he was telling me this because something had come back, and he basically said yes Shock

Has anyone had the same happen further to a CL request?

OP posts:
EvilPea · 22/07/2020 14:27

There was 4000 dv arrests in the first 6 weeks of lockdown in London alone. Those officers dealing with your application are the same ones dealing with that surge.
I know it’s shit. I know it’s not good enough. But it’s not the police.

Lozzerbmc · 22/07/2020 14:31

I think the fact you were suspicious enough to make the enquiry obviously shows you were deeply worried, and that should be enough to end the relationship. It wont just be drunk & disorderly it would be much more serious surely to be on the list. 18 years is a massive age difference that can only be managed if there is equality in the relationship which doesnt sound like there is.

You have done the right thing ending it- keep going forward and dont look back. You dont need that aggravation in your life i’d opt for a quiet life every time!

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 22/07/2020 14:38

@Lozzer there is definitely equality in the relationship, believe me; all of my partners have been much older, I'm just not into guys my own age.

If I'm honest, the only reason I made the application is because, as I stated previously, his longest relationship before me was 3 years, and then Coronation St!

Police PNC and PND will show everything you've ever been known to them for, whether this be pissing in the street to murder! So that's why they've said he's "known" to them, but just because it's a separate panel that decides whether or not a disclosure is made, I have to wait for it to go to them Sad

OP posts:
AngelaScandal · 22/07/2020 14:39

OP listen to EvilPea and the others.

What is your end goal here? To keep you and your DC safe from harm? You can and have achieved that.

Your instincts were telling you that something may be amiss, hence the application for a Claire's Law disclosure. Grieve for the relationship if you need to, but acknowledge that you were strong enough to get out of a situation which may have proved dangerous.

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 22/07/2020 14:42

I just never to know whether my "gut" instincts are actually "paranoia", as I am a very paranoid person Sad

OP posts:
Glitterandunicorns · 22/07/2020 14:53

OP, I agree with previous posters. I don't know what you want? You want the police to come along and make a decision in your relationship for you, or validate your decisions.

The police have told you he is known. That will not be solely for D and D. They have also told you not to let this guy stay over with your kids (and I would hope that by extension, that this would mean don't let him around your kids at all).

They don't tell you this stuff for nothing. They absolutely wouldn't say this stuff to you for no reason. I am certain of that.

Fortunately and thankfully, you are not dead now. They gave you information immediately which you (hopefully) acted on to keep yourself and your family safe. You might not have the bit of paper yet, but what difference does that make?

The police's resources are beyond stretched. The public protection units who deal with DV issues have not enough funding or staff.

I appreciate that it is frustrating when the standard timeframe is not adhered to, but they have done what they can to help you knowing the backlogs they have. Give them a break.

baileys6904 · 22/07/2020 15:01

Can understand your frustration OP...you've essentially put an end to a relationship for the right reasons, putting your kids before yourself, and are now uncertain as to whether it's a genuine reason. That must sting, so I get it.
However you DID do the right thing, that's the take home here. If he's a good guy, he will understand.

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 22/07/2020 15:08

@bailey Thank you... Smile He's just upset a bit now, thinking I'm completely nuts and don't trust him! He's not angry, but just a little pissed off that I can't continue the relationship fully until I have any info Sad

OP posts:
Itsjustabitofbanter · 22/07/2020 15:12

Have you actually asked him what might be on there?

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 22/07/2020 15:15

@itsjustabitofbanter Yes! He believes the only thing will be the D&D, don't get me wrong, Imm no angel, and if a guy was to apply against me, I'd be "known", though for driving offences only.

OP posts:
Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 22/07/2020 15:19

I will pop back on this thread to keep you all posted btw (I get really frustrated with those who leave us all in limbo and don't update!) Obviously, unless something comes back I can't discuss Smile

OP posts:
Mummacake · 22/07/2020 15:35

OP, I also have 3 children & had a partner for 3yrs who told me he had a drunk and disorderly offence - nothing major apparently........when it was checked, it came back as exposure which led to investigation of me by SS despite me finishing with him immediately. He also was good with the kids but had never been left alone with them - not for any other reason that I never needed him to look after them or anything. He spent over a year trying to convince me that it had been improperly recorded but couldn't produce and documentation to confirm this. If police and your gut are telling you that caution is needed, then take heed.

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 22/07/2020 15:39

@Mummacake I'm really sorry to read this SadDaffodil

Can I ask how long it took for yours to come back, and whether they gave you any warnings in the interim?

OP posts:
Mummacake · 22/07/2020 15:51

Cagedbird, similar warning to you with the addition that it would have to go to SS as there were children in the house. It did take quite a while and I guess I was lulled into a false sense of security given the job he had would require enhanced dbs. I'm grateful that we didn't live together and he had spent limited time with us as a family, mostly due to my caution of bringing someone into our home. Clearly, my caution wasn't enough........Trust your gut every single time.

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 22/07/2020 15:59

@Mummacake but wouldn't that have been classed as an "immediate risk", whereby they have to tell you something straight away?

OP posts:
Glitterandunicorns · 22/07/2020 16:34

OP, did you tell him you'd made the Clare's Law application? You said that he is "pissed off that you can't continue the relationship fully until you have further information".

I really hope for your sake that you didn't tell him you'd applied. Apart from anything else, if there was anything on there that the police felt they needed to disclose specifically, you could be putting others at risk. You're supposed to agree that you won't share the information the police provide to you (except for certain circumstances) and that includes to the person you've made the application against. As an example, say he had previous for assaulting an ex partner, but this was intel only / dropped charges rather than a conviction. If you were made aware of this and told him, this could put any informants/ victims in great danger.

I hope that everything's fine, and that this isn't teaching you (or anyone else) to suck eggs.

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 22/07/2020 16:57

@Glitter The Police constable knows I have made my DP aware and said to do that is fine, but I won't be able to disclose what (if anything) comes out of it

OP posts:
Glitterandunicorns · 22/07/2020 17:00

I wouldn't say it was fine. I mean, what's done is done, but if he was violent, you would have just put yourself in even more danger.

EvilPea · 22/07/2020 17:04

@CagedBirdwithoutAKey

I just never to know whether my "gut" instincts are actually "paranoia", as I am a very paranoid person Sad
Honestly, always trust it. Flowers It’s not worth the risk not to. Especially when you have kids. The older I’ve got the more I’ve learnt, it’s right. It’s always bloody right, even when I don’t want it to be!! We are conditioned to be good little girls and squash it down, comply, always be nice, always smile, never make a fuss. We learn to suppress it, not listen to it.

Listen to it

scotsllb · 22/07/2020 17:20

Why did you tell him you made the application?
Not saying you were wrong to at all but wondering how a relationship can go on long with such a lack of trust.
If I was innocent of any charges etc and had behaved well in the relationship but a partner told me they had done this, I would feel really odd about it and thought they couldn't trust my word.
Maybe I'm over thinking but letting him know doesn't sound like it bodes well for the future of your relationship anyway

Interestedwoman · 22/07/2020 17:27

@CagedBirdwithoutAKey You could tell us the answer when you get it, as he's unknown to us/anonymous.

Original poster
CagedBirdwithoutAKey · 22/07/2020 17:48

@Scots he knows I've been through a rough past with guys (no DV), but knows I'm doing this essentially for my kids.

In 3 years I've known him, I've never seen him violent

OP posts:
MeridianB · 22/07/2020 18:10

I would assume the worst. Because that way you and your children are protected and that’s worth way more than any relationship.

If he was blameless, then the police would surely not have directed you to place extreme limits on the relationship.

namechange753 · 22/07/2020 18:42

Police PNC and PND will show everything you've ever been known to them for, whether this be pissing in the street to murder! So that's why they've said he's "known" to them, but just because it's a separate panel that decides whether or not a disclosure is made, I have to wait for it to go to them

I work with these systems and if it comes back 'indecent behaviour' it could be something innocent like urinating in public but 'indecent exposure' is usually always of a sexual nature so don't let him fool you if something like this shows up

RustyParker · 22/07/2020 18:43

Am I misremembering but I'm sure Clare's law only disclose any information relating to intel / charges of DV, sex offences, offences against children etc. so you wouldn't necessarily be told if a partner had been convicted of say, insurance fraud? So I think it may be extremely significant that the officer gave you the heads up not to allow your partner to stay overnight.

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