Clare's Law Help?

[CagedBirdwithoutAKey]

Hi,

I decided to make a Clare's Law request weeks ago on my DP; not for any particular reason, just possibly a gut feeling of some sort

Anyway, Police guy called me back just now to basically say they're speaking with other agencies etc., but asked me if he stays over, and said if so, don't let him again, for my own safety He said he couldn't disclose much at this stage, so I asked him to just tell me if he was telling me this because something had come back, and he basically said yes

Has anyone had the same happen further to a CL request?

Everyone should run one in my opinion. At the earliest opportunity. Its common sense. Nothing to do with trust. You'd run a dbs check on someone looking to work with vulnerable people. You might know that person and think you know and trust their character, but that's not enough in the eyes of the law. And its not in this situation either.
Women and children are at risk from violent or predatory men. Its fact. The statistics speak for themselves. Running a CL check on someone is smart. Everyone should do it.

@Avocano thank you!! Thank you fir agreeing, that it's not just a 'lack of trust' thing...!

I know of people who, when they have entered into a new relationship, they've made their DP's have an STD test, and IMO, rightly so!

You're welcome

You've absolutely done the right thing. You should be proud of yourself. I will continue to keep people at arms length until I have proof they are who they say they are. I will not be another statistic.

Take care and good luck

Day 71.....

Have you tried chasing it up with the police officer/ department to whom you made the application?
Any disclosures are made in person. You won't receive any documentation as a result from your application.
Because of that, I'm wondering whether that initial phone call you had from the police officer telling you to not let him stay overnight has somehow been recorded as them having made a disclosure to you. From what I understand of the process, that is the level of response you would get.
I know the officer told you that he hadn't yet heard from other agencies, but he did tell you your BF was known to them and that because of that record, he was telling you to not let him stay overnight.
Just a thought.

I don't understand why you are bothering to still wait for the outcome? Is he the love of your life? Are you wanting him to be the father of your children? Is he a sex god? (millionaire, perhaps?) The police are stretched, one of the police have warned you. It is a no brainer surely. If in 6 or 12 months a report comes back that says he is completely innocent of any wrong doing then maybe you can re start your relationship.... How desperate are you, its just a bloody bloke!

@callmeadoctor it's not about being 'desperate' (!) It's about wanting to move on in my relationship (if nothing comes back), or knowing whether to cut all ties (if there is something); I think you'd be the same.

Plus, if you understand anything about Anxiety, then you will understand

Do you not think that your need to apply for the disclosure is when the relationship ended?

@Pollypocket89 no, because there has not been any domestic incidents in all the time we've been together!

So is he the love of your life then? (If he is, then you will both be able to wait, surely?)

I mean that you lacked trust enough to make the application... That's not something to ignore and go back to being in a relationship again

I find it very odd that your in a relationship for 2 yrs and suddenly decide something doesnt feel right and you decide to do clares law request. I think there must be more your not saying for you chose that path rather than just ending it.

I don’t understand this at all. You were told not to let him stay overnight, which makes it clear he’s a risk to you and/or your children. A drunk and disorderly charge would not be flagged up in that way. It ultimately doesn’t matter what the specific offence was, because he shouldn’t be part of your life any more - you have DCs! You yourself said you checked so as to protect them. I don’t understand why you told your ExP that you’d made the request: as PPs have said, not only could that put you and your family at risk, but also whomever made the initial complaint/was the initial victim. I would focus on moving on with your life.

@CagedBirdwithoutAKey I completely understand anxiety issues, having suffered myself. In saying that, this doesn't explain why you made an application having been with this guy for 2 years.

What is the current state of your relationship? Have you broken things off with him? The way you're talking about cutting off all ties if there are any concerns suggests you're still seeing him even though the police have told you there is enough concern to not allow him overnight stays.

I would respectfully suggest that rather than hang on and get increasingly cross with police for not giving you more information than they already have, you may benefit from giving some serious thought to what it was that caused you to put in an application in the first place. You'd been seeing him for two years already, so it wasn't general concern before introducing a new boyfriend to your kids. Clearly something happened which led you to make the application. Listen to your gut and the police and consider that if there is something in your relationship which means you are concerned or don't feel safe, it is not the relationship for you.

Op, there was a reason you decided to follow through with the enquiry. That means you have red flags, and feel you needed to protect yourself and your dc.
Listen to your gut. Don't go back to that relationship.

I think that them saying he shouldn't stay overnight means there is something that could be seen as relevant to your life (eg being a female partner / having kids) as that was the case when I last acted as a support in a friend's Clare's Law request. But that may have changed. So please be careful.

Well I said I'd update you all ...

I got a call this morning to advise that there would be NO DISCLOSURE !!! Yayyy! NO 'domestic' issues, no requirement for me to know anything!!

AND... the Police Officer told me that I wasn't the only one to apply just because of the Coronation St. storyline; it has apparently resulted in many, many more applications since it aired!!

So, for all you 'negative nancies' who put the sh!ts up me, in thinking all kinds, there you have it

sorry but whilst this may be a relief to you....its is highly unusual to do a claires law disclosure based on a feeling, end a relationship too and I am assuming now you expect this bloke to come running back?

You felt the need to check up on your partner and request a police disclosure and you're celebrating?

Really?

So, for all you 'negative nancies' who put the sh!ts up me, in thinking all kinds, there you have it

—

It's really not a case for celebration when you lacked the trust in your partner to even feel the need to check or throw strangers concern for you - which seems more than you have for yourself - back at them

@CagedBirdwithoutAKey I'm very happy for you, but it is always better to do all you can, you would if you were concerned about having a illness.
For some reason people don't take the same steps for relationships.

Also my ex is a officer and had no prior history or record. He still EA for years, plus his prior dp and as he is still an officer now with a non mol against him but that's it. They dropped the charges, so his next victim will believe she is safe and the public who call out for protection,

Sorry, but it's not a 'lack of trust' - you don't know my past history

If you feel the need to check up on Clairs law you shouldn,t be in the relationship. (Not saying it,s wrong to check, but that you shouldn,t be in that relationship.) Also if you did a naked streak you could get arrested for indecent exposure but that may not be sexual it may be due to alcohol and stupidity. (Think of drunk students and my sisters uni year book.)

It is, whether you want to or are ready to accept that or not. And that's OK. That lack of trust is your gut instinct and you should listen to it x

Fwiw op, I also had a Sarah’s Law application come back now disclosure’. The safeguarding officer told me I needed to trust my gut as privacy laws don’t always permit them to disclose everything. The person I submitted an application on in fact had convictions for sexual assault on a child under 13 and some other grooming and indecent images charges. Spent time in prison for it and was currently in the sexual offenders register. It’s not a perfect system and it very much errs on the side of protecting the offender.