Need urgent mortgage help

[Help1307]

We are buying a new house and current house is joint (both earned equally until I had DS2). I was doing bedtime with screaming tired DC and DH asked me to sign a paper saying oh it’s nothing just about how house is shared between us. I signed.

Just seen the email he sent to solicitors and opened the attachment which tbh I wouldn’t usually do bc I trust him and it is now saying we are buying as tenants in common - him 80pc and me 20pc.

Wtf does this mean?

If we buy the new house and we divorce - does this override the fact that we have been together 19 years and have 2 DC?

Does it override fact that normally assets would be split?

Or would it mean that if ever we did divorce I really would only get 20pc of house?

I can’t understand why he has done this. I only earn less than him now as went part after second DS. Otherwise for last 19 years we’ve been pretty much equal.

I’m mad and I don’t even know if I should be.

Am I potentially losing money from last 19 years or just extra that would be paid in respect of new house?

Thank you

You contributed half of the equity that would make up one third of the new house purchase price so that's 16.6% you own fir a start, you'd be paying proportionally (?) for the third covered by the new mortgage , and the only reason you're not paying half of it is that you're working four days instead of five because you're doing free childcare for your (his and your!) on the fifth day. Even if you worked five days a wk and earned less than him, most people would not think they owned more than 50% .. because they'd acknowledge both your contributions and roles. You're doing childcare and household work as well as dropping a day's salary to save money and give your children one day off childcare. So, taking your half of that third as well, you're up to 33.3%. The inheritance he could argue is his only, but if he put it into a joint asset, like your joint, family home .. it would be up for division (as part of a joint asset) in a divorce. Even if he didn't put it into a joint/marital asset like your family home, it could possibly still be up for grabs to some percentage by you as his spouse etc.

So, even putting the inheritance third aside (which wouldn't happen in a divorce if he put it into a marital asset like he's planning on doing) hrs trying to fk you out of (33.3% - 20%) .. 13.3% of your share of your home - how much would that be as a value of the new house?

As posters have said the arrangement may not hold sway in a divorce settlement, but it's the fact that he's tried to do that (and I've got to wonder if he'd be happy to let you put an inheritance or similar into the new property and not do the reverse, why do I thinjmk that's the case).

And he's tried to do it in an underhand, deceptive, sneaky, disrespectful etc. way.

Whatever you do, know that this man is not to be trusted.

I was with my ex around 18 years, 11 married and 2 DC. He moved all our savings into one account when preparing to leave me. So I know it isn't unusual for someone to move money and lie to your face. In my case I found out about his affair and moved the savings, which were then legally divided through an agreed financial separation. I could afford the mortgage and he didn't want our DC overnight at all at first so I kept the house. This was better than being owed money from his pension as I wanted a clean break and for security for DC and me.

What he has done is in no way normal. Assume he is lying and look through bank accounts for anomalies.

Just read poster above's post - yeah, I wonder who he's leaving his share to in his will.

Sometimes people might do this to avoid their spouse getting it directly and the possibility of them.eg remarrying and losing half or more to their second spouse due to divorce or being outlived ... The person could make sure it goes to their kids.

But I have my doubts about whether ops dh is doing it for that reason..and even if he was, he's over the mark at 80% (and in a divorce it would probably be irrelevant).

Oh love... I hope you’re ok. This sounds dodgy as hell and I’d want it all rectified YESTERDAY - how did it go with the solicitor?

(i mean van Gogh's dog's post)

I'd probably calmly ask him - "Honey, I need to see that paper you had me sign."

Even if a third is being put in due to an inheritance, rather than being underhand and devious he should have spoke to you and you could both agree a way forward.

What he's done here is tried to trick you out of 30% of what you will pay in. Just imagine what would happen after years of paying into the mortgage, plus house price rises (here's hoping), that you decide to split and he claims his 80%. So not only his inheritance he takes but also a % of what you've paid in already and inflation

I'd be questioning the entire relationship. No wonder you're stressed op

Even if he put inheritance in it's all one pot when you are married with a family in my view.
You have had good advice here op. Hope it goes well with the solicitor.

Good luck today OP.
As for the mention of inheritance, even if he had genuine concerns about protection he could have had an open and upfront discussion, he was underhand and conning!

Ouch. What a dick!

What does your letter to the solicitor say?

Are there any issues in the marriage?

Wow - this must be a shock for you OP.
I'm really sorry.
Even if he wanted to protect his 30% inheritance it would be a 65/35 split.
Where he has got 80/20 from I can't imagine.
Even so... you have DC together and you've been together a long time.
How could he think that was even OK is beyond me.
Do get some legal advice today.
for you.

Omg that is horrid!
Take action ASAP... do not wait!

Nice to know how much he values your input to family life. He doesn’t equate all the things you do with you pulling your weight.

He just looks at how much money you pull in.

He doesn’t see that your sacrificing your career to look after dc as being relevant. He expects you to do it and doesn’t think it’s worth anything. Probably thinks it’s an easy life for you and wishes he could do that too. He’s needing to remove his rosy tinted specs as childcare is NOT an easy life!

After you speak to the lawyer and sign whatever rescinding document required?, I’d be telling him that if you return to work full time the cost of childcare is going to be £1000 or whatever (look it up and quote it). Which you would both split in the same way as other household expenses.

Once he gets that round his thick scull he may appreciate you more. As you are saving on wraparound care (or whatever) so if you add that to your current part time wages that’s how much you are ‘earning’. I bet it’s not 20/80.

start going through any paperwork, general legal and financial
Stuff to make sure you and the kids are secure and maybe try and find out Wtaf he's playing at

Wise advice, but that might not be easy with someone deceitful enough to con OP into signing something so obviously against her interests. It would be a huge red flag if he'd even suggested this, but trying to organise it behind her back is a clear invitation to wonder what else he's planning but not yet mentioned

Fortunately the solicitor will have seen this before so can advise OP properly, but once the DH knows he's rumbled I expect a lot more to crawl into view, none of it especially pleasant

I'd be massively concerned that your husband is deliberately lying to you in an attempt to secure a large share of your joint assets

I imagine all hell as been let loose in your house today op
He will no doubt play it down

Why now ? to decide he’s wants his inheritance back?
Why not share it with you and dc
In the event off, instead of having it written as tenants in common percentages?
It’s not like there’s just the 2 off you and only been together a short time or children from different relationship.

This rings alarm bells to me, especially after 19 yrs together

I would be do hurt and am also interested to know if that would supersede marital rights.

Even if he wanted to protect is inheritance that would only be 33% plus half of 66% nowhere near 80:20 split!

Similar thing happened to my NDN. He left her the week after they moved in.

Similar thing happened to my NDN. He left her the week after they moved in

Same here with a personal friend - unsurprisingly the "D"H was well ahead of her in the planning, and needless to say there was an OW waiting in the wings

That's not to say there's an OW here of course, but once the deceit starts it's wise not to discount anything

How underhanded and diabolical! I'd be preparing myself for more shit to hit the fan-he might be planning to leave you,OP

You OK OP?

WHAT THE FUCK.

OP what happened?! Are you ok?

This man is an absolute bastard.

OP hopefully all your questions in your first post have been answered by a solicitor with the simple words 'He's trying to do you over' and the document will have been retracted, you will have stopped the house purchase and currently be having some very big conversations with him.

I would not let him worm his way out of this one.

If you divorce now, with dependent children that you are primary carer for, you'll get more of the equity than him. I suggest you do that!

I don't think tenants in common is considered normal in marriage. Fundamentally if he dies he can will away his share to someone other than you.

He may get have put more cash into it but presumably that was a choice.

You can also get a deed of trust drawn up that says if you divorce you sell the house, he takes out xx amount in return of inheritance then you split the rest equally.

It's totally wrong that he asked you to sign without explaining and whilst looking after baby. Feels like deliberate hoodwinking.

How did you go this morning?

Thanks everyone. What an awful day.

I haven’t got very far actually determining my rights with the house as compared to everything else and it doesn’t seem clear cut what happens with this 80/20 split if you divorce and have small children. Safe to say solicitor I spoke to was useless - no definitive answer and just said it can go either way. That courts could require house to be kept for dependants. But also might not. That I might have some rights in respect of house and in some circumstance they might look beyond the split. But they might not. What I have learned for definite is that I would be absolutely ruined if courts made us sell and divide (which they can do) as no way I could ever afford that. I would be relying totally on the Children’s Act and some principle that says the division has to be in the best interests of the children which isn’t good enough to rely on.

That was a free call but I have an appointment on Thursday that I’m paying for and I hope it will be more insightful.

Obviously things with DH horrendous today. He is adamant it’s nothing to do with anyone else that he is just protecting his inheritance. I said we could have talked about it. He said it’s not a big deal. We have gone round in circles over this.

I feel overwhelmed by it all and am struggling to process it all. I have zero idea about any of our finances and I’m so ashamed of this. We have joint accounts and I’ve always just paid in and never worried or thought about what happens to what I pay in like a lot of couples in long marriages I guess.

I am going to spend the next day (in between caring for two small children and working) trying to somehow get on top of our finances but not even sure I can trust him to share the truth with me on any of it.

Solicitor did say some people do this to protect inheritance but it’s unusual in long marriages with children and where husband and wife contribute equally (which we have done until I went on mat leave).

The stories above are worrying me a lot. All of it is. Feel pretty distraught today tbh.

Thank you again to everyone who has provided advice and help.