Secret planning to leave DH - days to go .

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Hi there - previous thread started with DH AWOL , arrested for drink driving . Final straw for me in out marriage , planning to leave in secret on Thursday. 6 days to go . Feeling shit about everything - pain the kids will have to go through , pain and upset his family and him . Wishing he was a reasonable person enough that we could separate amicably. Wishing I could predict which way this is going to go- hating the double life I am currently leading . started this thread just for the hand holding whilst the proverbial hits the fan over the next 7 days !

You are nearly there OP. Just hang in there for a little bit longer. On Thursday you will be able to move to a safe place and start a new life that doesn't include his alcoholism or drug taking. Any man who prioritises alcohol and drugs above his family is not someone you want to grow old with.

Amazing to hear you are getting out. Keep going ok your doing great.

Well done

Has he got any friend s he goes out with? Maybe a gift, tickets to go ape, or something similar where you book the time slot.
Call his mate first and say hey, Arthur been looking forward to seeing you, would be good for a boys day out.

Evening everyone x just checking in to say I have spoken to solicitor today and everything was made a lot clearer from a legal perspective. All ok there - signed the tenancy contract and sent the money over so picking keys up on Wednesday morning. Am ok , bit scared but also cannot wait.. we will have approx an hour and a half to grab everything out and get out - should be enough time. DH is notoriously flaky about arrangements so I have to plan on surprising him with the golf lesson Thurs am morning otherwise he will try to reschedule for whatever reason - tired / busy /etc so as long as he gets to that lesson , we can manage. Got a plan , got to work . Thanks for all your messages , three more sleeps to go . I am a feeling a bit down but mostly numb . Like it is a dream - a PP has said that. I aworry about the children initially , and hope I can do enough to comfort them x but otherwise all ok . Thank u all so much

Great update, OP. Rooting for ya x

A very wise lady advised me, when I was worrying about how the children would react to having the move spring on them, that if I was calm and positive, they would be too. She was absolutely right.

@NCsonoOuting - thank you . Sounds simple enough will do my best! Hope yours were all ok xx thank you for posting xx @blitzen thank you for your positivity !

@Lifeisconfusing thank you xx

Well done! I’ll bet the kids will surprise you with their relief at being out of there too!

Good luck. Did same with my exH and never regretted it. That was 25 years ago 😁

Thinking of you and beaming strength through the ties of interwebbing. Good luck 🌺

Good luck, will be thinking of you x

You've got this. I never doubted you, not for a moment.

Hope you’re ok. Thinking of you.

On the homerun OP. You've never been braver or stronger. We're rooting for you!

Home straight. Keep cool, hang in there. You ARE doing the right thing, just got to get through the next 2 days.

If for whatever reason DH flakes on the golf lesson I think you should get family over and leave anyway. Call the police if e becomes hostile and I’m sure they will ensure you can safely collect your things and leave

When her not so DH was leaving their home (planned legally), SIL knew it would be pretty upsetting for all of them including her small children. She asked DH and I to visit that morning - we lived hundreds of miles away, so didn't see us that often. Her DC were so excited that we were there, it took the sting away from their Dad leaving.

I wonder if your DC would be thrilled to see anyone at the other end waiting for them, to give the arrival at your new home a positive vibe?

Good luck - full of admiration for you taking such a brave step.

Just thinking, what if for some reason the "surprise golf" doesn't work: weather/he's feeling ill/plain refuses for any reason?

You need a plan B or to accept that you might have to wait until he goes out for something that will take long enough/ be reliable enough, even if not Thursday.

Plan B could be one of your family asking him to do something, as you considered upthread?

Are the children going to be at home with you whilst you pack, or occupied somewhere?

I would maybe get family or a friend to have them and then, either way, leave. If STBXH has to be there whilst you pack, so be it. At least the children won't have to watch any unpleasantness from him.

Good luck

Got everything crossed for you love 🤞🤞

You have a good plan op. Well done foe being so strong, glad you have supportive sisters and boss. Good luck x

Are the D.C. going to be there? Probably best if not and if he doesn’t go to golf (great idea btw) just carry out your plan with him there.

Good luck!

What do you think he'd do if you attempted to leave in front of him? That might be a risky strategy.