Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@eesha I'm very smitten and he seems to be aswell. He had a guys night last night but didn't cut it short like last week. I really missed waking up next to him this morning

After my lovely date with Mr Technology on Wednesday he has really upped his communication game. He’s text me more in the last 3 days than he probably has the last 3 months. He has been more complimentary too. I think previous posters have been right about poor communication being a sign somebody isn’t really into you/the relationship. We’ve had lots of dates but a lot have been at mine (I have a toddler) where we just chill, watch TV and have sex. I think he may have gotten the impression that’s all I was after so hadn’t been giving me much of himself. After loads of talking Wednesday I made it clear I was interested in a relationship with him and that seems to have pushed things forward a bit.

Hes mentioned a couple of time’s wanting to go to the seaside so I tentatively asked (after think about it a lot) if he’d fancy a day trip with me and my son (just turned 2 so to little to understand relationships) and he said he’d love to 😊 it’s been a tough decision regarding my son. He’s just 2 and I am more than aware 3 months is too early to introduce, but my son won’t understand and Mr Technology is just mummy’s friend. Plus it’s important to me to see how Mr Technology is with him as he has no kids of his own, but he does have nieces and nephews.

This morning we’ve decided (lightheartedly of course) that we'll move to NZ and buy a farm when I finish University 🤣

We are out for lunch on Monday and I genuinely can’t wait 😊

Hi all....can I have some advice please?

After a month of being dismissed so horribly by the old iron ( and the birthday card) I got a message today

"Hi Bang hope you're well x " It was on email as I blocked his number.

It's like he just doesn't want me to forget about him. I think it's cruel and this is the second time he's come back like nothing has happened.

Do I ignore?

Yes bang, you do ignore. What positive things could come from you engaging with him again?

Bangheadhere I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a reply I'd ignore and make sure that email account is blocked also. He doesn't deserve your headspace

Nothing good can come of it! I didn't know whether to ignore or just say please don't contact me again.

It's fucking crazy his he thinks he can do that then waltz in a month later all lovely with his "fake caring ".

Ignore, but don't delete it, I do not want to sound alarmist but this stuff he is doing is what some instances of stalking look like in the early stages, if it were to escalate then some evidence of his behaviour may be useful to you.
It's probably just standard arsehole behaviour, you shouldn't worry yourself about it.

Dont give him the satisfaction of any response. Better off he thinks you read it and were so not bothered that you didnt waste your time on a reply.

@bangheadhere40 attention is like oxygen for men like that - ignore

Ignore, block the email and stay strong

It's thrown me again tbh. He's done this before....as in the book mr unavailable and the fallback girl. Finishes it on his terms then breezes back in and presses the "reset" button to make me confused and doubt myself.

I can see it for what it is and thanks for all your encouragement. I agree about the need for attention being like oxygen. Needs to still test the water to see if I'm still there for him to mess with.

Everything this man has ever done is textbook narcissist, I didn't understand until I read up on it.

I've ignored!

Seems to always be when I'm moving on as well....got a date tonight. It's like he can sense it! Not too sure re the date he hasn't messaged today to confirm. I'm not chasing, will see if he confirms, seems a bit of a lad!

@bangheadhere40 as everyone else has said, just ignore. I've been reading Mr Unavailable and this is textbook behaviour. If you respond he'll take that as a sign you're still interested. He'll disappear again and then do it all again. Just ignore him and it'll help you to move on.

So I have a date tomorrow. It's only 6 weeks since I was suddenly dumped after 22 months. I was bored last week and joined Tinder. One man was lovely and we seemed to get on. We've moved to WhatsApp and FB (we have a friend in common). We're going for a picnic. I'm not getting my hopes up and I'm not even sure old ready to date properly. But he's been a nice distraction this week and stopped me texting my ex. For info, my ex would never friend me on social media and refused to label our relationship. Classic avoidant/Mr Unavailable. I'll call this man Mr Bike.

Well done @bangheadhere40 he's deliberately messing with you. Is used to you being at his beck and call. He knows he's blocked and he hasn't even acknowledged that... ignore for sure.

Good luck for your date tonight @bangheadhere40 leave the narcissist in the past and don't look back.
I have a date tomorrow with someone I'll call Mr Potter. I'm slightly cautious because I got a hint of him mansplaining my job to me, but we shall see!

Thanks, it's Mr Funny tonight ( I hope he is IRL)....will try and do a loo update.

Good luck with Mr Potter....what are you doing?

And good luck with Mr Bike tomhardy....

@bangheadhere40 we're meeting at a cafe on the coast so if the weather is fine there's a nice walk we can do. What are you doing tonight with Mr Funny?

That sounds lovely.

He is driving up to where I live ( an hour away) and we are just going for a couple of drinks.

And notcool that book is truly amazing...it's crazy how someone's behaviour is actually textbook!

Good luck on dates!
I am throwing a small and wet birthday party this evening for myself
Mr R came over, erected a gazebo and is currently making me a pornstar martini and blowing up balloons with DD16 (DD17 is at her dads and DD16 is quite keen on Mr R!)

Hi all

Have posted on here recently looking for advice (male poster). Not looking for advice this time, more just to vent.

Got talking to a lady via Hinge recently. Good, flowing conversations, including late at night. Quite a lot in common. If anything she seemed a little keener than me but mainly as I probably had a bit more of a guard up.

She suggested a phone chat which we did after a few days. Had a fairly long chat. Talked about meeting in person. Slightly complicated as I'm shielding but we talked about seeing each other once that was over.

In the days following the phone call, less chat and longer to reply to messages. Last weekend she went to visit her family and I asked her to take a picture of a local beauty spot. Since then, no messages at all. At first I was expecting she would message, but as the days have gone by, it's be one harder for me to be the one to break the silence.

I'm now left feeling really gutted. I was really liking this girl.

Ooohhh Mr Technology is on his way over unexpectedly. Apparently he can’t get me out his head today so he’s on his way over with a bottle of wine. Sounds a bit like a booty call but Incan deal with that 😉

@Dan88Bourne

Sorry you’re hurting it must sting but tbh that’s the nature of current internet dating (in my experience).

Lots of people are multiple dating so even if you think you’ve got a “good connection” and have done nothing wrong your potential interest could be chatting with you slowly over two weeks, have a quick last minute in person date with someone on the Friday and then they’re “in with the other person”? It’s not personal.

My front runner in dating now is the guy who was a “little” more pushy about meeting than the other guy who was also a good prospect.

She might actually be back - but in the meantime be kind to yourself and start swiping yourself. You don’t need to have great expectations, but don’t obsess over one person and hold yourself back.

Hope it's going well tonight with Mr Funny @bangheadhere.

@LivingMyBestLife2020 have fun with Mr Technology!!

@menora enjoy the birthday celebrations!! A pornstar martini is a great way to start a party!