Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hi all, I posted a fair bit on here a year or so back and have been lurking and reading since & figured it was about time I started joining in again. Everyone posting appears to be so in control of their OLD lives right now, I'm in awe - kudos to you all!

@Flippityflippityflap75 sounds great, have a fun day tomorrow, long distance relationships can certainly work and, like you say, you can figure that all out at a later date.

@MummyGoingItAlone glad all is going well with Mr Surprises.

@bangheadhere40 doesn't matter how lovely a guy is, if there's no spark of fancy it's just not there is it, good for you telling him.

@crazycatlady20 I'm sorry Mr Big let you down again. You aren't stupid, he told you what you wanted to here and appeared genuine in telling you those things. I think most of us on this thread have been in the same situation before, I know I certainly have.

What were your thoughts and feelings for Mr Positive before Mr Big came back and messed with your head?

Go and have lunch with Mr Positive @crazycatlady20, and don’t beat yourself up. Mr Big has behaved like a dick - again, because he doesn’t respect you - and you have done the right thing in blocking him. Please never go back there. I’m sorry you’re sad, will 💐 help?

@dancerinthemoonlight and @tigerdater

I liked mr positive and felt horrible for letting him down. hes been nothing but nice the last week as well. I just feel like a horrible person.

You aren't stupid crazy don't beat yourself up... you are a nice person who takes people at their word. I can't understand how men get a kick out if leading us on and letting us down, they seem to though!

Keep him blocked and if you do like Mr Positive maybe try and arrange a date in the week if you aren't feeling upto it today.

I keep dreaming about my old iron! I don't miss the anxiety of is he going to text / finally meet etc that went with it. I think he's weak for not being upfront with me and that shows more about him than me.

@crazycatlady20 Mr Positive sounds really nice. You have been talking even when you were exploring the possibility of Mr Big which he knew about.
I'd say arrange a date with him. Wether that be today or during in the week. You haven't been a horrible person, you have been a nice honest person and unfortunately some men seem to get a kick out of leading us on.
Explore the possibility of Mr Positive

Little update from me. Went on my date with Mr BlueEyes despite exH still bombarding me with how much he loves me etc and still begging for another chance. He really got inside my head and made me doubt everything. But then I remembered the progress I have made this year - have lost 2 stone and feel and look the best I have in years; am tapering off anti depressants that I have been on for years and am so much happier- I can’t go back there and need to remind myself regularly!

Anyway back to my date- he booked an amazing place in airbnb and we met there. It was just lovely - fantastic sex, loads of lovely chats and dinner out. I can’t wait to do it again

Glad you bad a nice time zobo.

I honestly don't think I will ever meet anyone as I like as much as the faulty iron 😄 I wouldn't go back but it's so rare I feel like that.

I wish these awful dreams would stop....I wake up most nights panicking and have had the worst dreams about him. Not sure what I can do about that though!

Hi all sounds like some lovely dates ☺️

Crazy go out with Mr Positive! I think blocking Big was well deserved

Mr R took me away to a hotel for my birthday present. It was literally 10 miles up the road but felt like I was a million miles from home. So relaxing. And we had good fun. Nothing crazy, but I really like the slow pace to be honest it is doing me good. When he dropped me off I invited him in, my DC were home (they nearly 16 and 18) and we played uno and he fixed my tap. DC are ok with him popping round it seems and he makes the effort to try to talk to them a little bit. I always feel awkward about this part but they are around so much sometimes it’s a hard decision, so I went for informal popping in for a cup of tea in the daytime. Not met his DC and no discussion about that. It’s been 3 months now and I’m pleased I returned to Mr Return so don’t rule out Mr Positive Crazy!

Love reading about everyone's escapades! Sounds like lots of fun being had in amongst all the stress 😂

I am struggling with Mr Musician's communication... we texted yesterday morning to arrange next date but I've had nothing since then. I know it's not a long time but I struggle not to think 'if he was thinking about me surely he'd be texting'... Feel like I am usually the one to initiate conversation and possibly slightly more so since we met in person - which feels like a terrible sign!! I know I'm over invested and it's so early on. Must stop getting ahead of myself. Have two other irons I need to arrange to meet - think that would help take the heat off Mr M.

@bangheadhere40 I woke up the same way pretty much every day for ages and still do occasionally. It's grim, but I'm sure it will pass. As my dating remains very low key at the moment, I watched a film last night called The Incredible Jessica James on Netflix. One of the characters in it has the same problem but at least watching it happen to her was hilarious. It's a rom-com with a modern slant, surrounding mid life dating. I laughed a lot at her antics.

Re sleep, can you use a meditation app?

I might check the film out thank you hairy🙂

I have no problem getting to sleep menora it's just the waking up panicking in the night. I woke up shouting him the other day....😬

I hope it will pass soon....

Hooray for all the staycation nights away I really want my night away with my front iron soon but timing will be tight.

Just had a meet with a tinder contact (not really a flirty/date vibe but we’ve exchanged chatty messages and as he seemed quite bright and interesting and we had stuff in common thought we’d intercept for a friendly coffee )

it was ok but a bit shit.

You know when someone is a nice guy and we got on ok but clearly a bit of a fantasist?

Like saying he’s been to x prestigious university on his tinder profile and he hasn’t? 🤷‍♀️ I mean how do you react to that?

Or coming up with all these “famous name-dropping” anecdotes? Nearly dated lots of movie stars, that kind of thing

Which is silly as I think if he genuinely was just himself I’d be like “oh, nice new person with stuff in common” . But I don’t want to be in touch or mates with a bullshitter.

thanks all. I havent blocked mr big on my actual phone, just whatsapp, i might do that tomorrow. i still secretly wish he'd show up. i dont know what's wrong with me!! I think that will pass, just a bit raw and think I want to know it wasnt me (altho I know it wasnt). i wouldnt put up with the crap from anyone else!

I gave Mr Positive a lift today as trains were off and we went a quick walk and had a talk. we are now dating and exclusive. I know it might not seem so, but i only like seeing 1 guy at a time, and can understand why he wants to be exclusive now.

I feel horrible for going from mr positive, mr big then mr positive. I'm not sure if it's the way I was brought up. I know it's not really the best behaviour. anyways it's done and mr big is in the past.

I am so tired. crying and this dating malarkey really take it out of u!

thanks all. I havent blocked mr big on my actual phone, just whatsapp, i might do that tomorrow. i still secretly wish he'd show up. i dont know what's wrong with me!! I think that will pass, just a bit raw and think I want to know it wasnt me (altho I know it wasnt). i wouldnt put up with the crap from anyone else!

I gave Mr Positive a lift today as trains were off and we went a quick walk and had a talk. we are now dating and exclusive. I know it might not seem so, but i only like seeing 1 guy at a time, and can understand why he wants to be exclusive now.

I feel horrible for going from mr positive, mr big then mr positive. I'm not sure if it's the way I was brought up. I know it's not really the best behaviour. anyways it's done and mr big is in the past.

I am so tired. crying and this dating malarkey really take it out of u!

Having a bit of a down day today which was bound to happen after spending nearly 24 hours with Mr S. I just miss him so much. I want to say I shouldn't be feeling such strong feelings after a month but it just feels natural and right.
I'm not sure if he is going to come round this evening or not as he went to the BBQ/party after he left and got in at 5:30 this morning. He didn't wake up until 3 this afternoon but then went out of his way to go and pick me up an ingredient I couldn't find.
Im not sure how meeting friends will work during the easing of lockdown, will bring that up with him when I next see him. I have told my best friend about him tonight and she said in 3-6 weeks time I will probably find out everything he has told me is a lie given my track record but she also hopes he is genuine and a good guy this time.

I'm finding I'm not getting asked out on any socially distanced dates. It's just quite a few messages with chaps that look nice and then they stop messaging. Pre lockdown I had lots of dates. Is it just me lol? I'm not forward enough to ask someone out.

I haven't named my irons here before but now I've decided that I should definitely stop seeing at least one of them, I'd appreciate your help in getting me to stick to my resolve.

Mr Local who I started chatting to at the start of lock down but then had a big break in messaging during which I met and fell for Mr West Coast online before realising that it was completely doomed due to distance. Mr Local and I then had a couple of nice dates and dtd a few times. Saw him last week and messaging since has been sporadic (one, maybe two messages over 5 days). He's not 'the one' and I'm not messaging him because I don't think I can really be bothered. If he messages me, I think I'm going to call it (whatever it is) off

Mr Royal Parks - we started chatting last year, fell out before we even met but kind of stayed in touch. We met recently and got on as friends but there's no passion on either side I don't think.

Mr Peripatetic - another Tinder USA find. I can't see that there's any hope of us ever having an actual relationship but I really enjoy his messages and when we had a video chat I couldn't stop smiling, and got unfathomably hot. I don't need to stop this one as its a non starter anyway, sadly.

I would love to meet someone who makes me feel like this in real life but it just doesn't seem to be happening & all the faces I see on Tinder etc have become depressingly familiar!

I was here last year but dropped out of the thread, just carried on dating without much success but concentrating on other things in my life too. I was widowed 8 years ago, and have been single after a short relationship for 2 and a half years.

I matched with Mr Rugby as lockdown rumours flew about. We messaged but my heart wasn't in it and (to my shame!!) I stopped responding. A couple of weeks ago, I went back on Bumble and we rematched! He'd deleted his profile, set it up again, and I didn't recognise him. He was lovely, we had a laugh about the previous conversation and we had a date. It went well, no red flags - just like chatting to an old friend - and we've pencilled in a second date. The trouble is, he gave me a hug at the end of the evening, and I can't seem to think how odd it felt seeing that my friends and I aren't even hugging each other!

We live in the Surrey/Sussex border area which is pretty safe. I'm not anxious about catching covid but it seems really hypocritical to allow a stranger into my life in a way that friends aren't at the moment. Hope that makes sense? And tonight I found out about the sudden (non covid related) death of a 50 year old acquaintance which makes me realise how fragile life is even if we didn't all have this virus to contend with. It looks like a lot of you are physically close with people you've met in lockdown but I don't know how I feel. I suppose I'm trying to justify meeting him, and hoping not to get any disapproval from friends. I don't know really! Just want some reassurance from someone in the same position I suppose.

@nestofswipers honestly if you feel comfortable meeting him and hugging him then it has nothing to do with your friends. They aren't the ones who are meeting him or hugging him
(I'm also saying this to myself because my best friend doesn't exactly approve of Mr S because of his job)

@NestOfSwipers I've been physically close with 2 people I met during lockdown. There were more than 2 weeks between them and neither of them or I have had any symptoms before or since. I wouldn't tell your friends. Its easy to be judgemental when you have someone.

@dancerinthemoonlight I'm always trying to justify myself instead of ploughing ahead and pleasing myself in all areas of my life! If we didn't have this virus, I wouldn't be thinking twice! But the nagging feeling is there that I'm being careful virus wise in one aspect of my life but not another. I suspect some friends would be cheerleading me on though. They're not living my life though.

@nestofswipers I'm sorry if it came across a bit abruptly, I didn't mean it in that way. I'm having a rough evening even though that's no excuse.

I'd suggest if you see him again that you talk to him about your concerns regarding the virus and being physically close

@dancerinthemoonlight,oh no, I really didn't read your post as abrupt! No apology needed!