Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Aww @Dancerinthemoonlight that's lovely 😊

Aaargh. Help. I think my heads going to bust. I have, basically just spent 1 week having a fling. Matched on Thursday last, met Sunday, first date explosive sex, backed off in sheer fright.. spoke on phone, bugs hugs all round, met weds, more nutty sex, he cooks dinner, talk all night. I freak out and let him go.. we are staying in touch. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me or cause any more anxiety but we really like each other. The reason? He’s moving to Wales. I knew this from outset and was going to resist. He’s still very happy to communicate and chat but I know I can’t handle long distance. But clearly also thought o could handle the fling. (my usual style btw). Now I’ve spent most of the day in tears and my period has turned up..is this lockdown lust, genuine connection tion (it was all very hot and sweaty), knowing it was something I couldn’t have but we thought we might try (he said he wanted it all to carry on..do the distance). I am so afraid of getting hurt and sad I have let him go. Is this just bloody sex hormones. I can’t cope..I miss him.

@Flipflopflap75

Oh it’s kind of passion/sex bonding isn’t it? You have a few options for this situation

1. Take each other seriously (exclusive) and see how it goes
2. Stay in touch but look to date/meet others so you don’t feel like you’re missing out
3. Go no contact

Either way it’s a case of some positives and some regrets no matter what decision you take?

I mean look at the thread about “dating submariners” - some people emotionally thrive on the long distance thing others don’t.

I think that either way there’s probably been a lot of emotions and passion - and that’s actually cool in itself.

@Flipflopflap75, I would say a fair chunk of what you are feeling is the tidal wave of sex hormones. Lots of times recently we have had very ' wow' posts about the first flush of amazing sex, fantastic connection etc. It's probably a little bit of everything that you have described. Only you know how it feels and what he's like but if the move to Wales is definite then depending on your circumstances it's going to be a commitment on both sides to make the time and effort to continue and develop this.

That’s lovely dancer Nice you’ve met someone solid now lockdown is lifting as it’s nice planning all the social stuff like travel and meals out

Thank you. I think we are going for light contact and see where we are at Christmas etc. It’s is a total tidal wave of sex hormones, yes and pmt related anxiety. I should feel better in 2 weeks. He did suggest exclusivity actually poor bloke. I have tried long distance before and was dumped and it pretty much wrecked the best part of this last year recovering. Just me. Emotional. I knew as soon as he mentioned it wouldn’t work for me but jumped the damn gun AGAIN. I think he’s wonderful deep down and he says too I am lovely. Fuck dating. Seriously. Might go for a run.. xx

#bunkbedpeople it was very cool indeed. I don’t seem to live any other way. It’s just absolutely exhausting and a total rollercoaster..

@Flipflopflap75

Yeh I think everyone’s wired up differently and has a different temperament when it comes to dating (and also we have different emotional vibes at different life stages) and that affects who we’re drawn to?

That’s my “woo” side by the way 😂.

I really don’t think any emotions or feelings are wrong - I know some people who definitely made the Uber-sensible choice in relationships early on settled with the “boy next door” type at uni etc.

but they aren’t necessarily more or less content than those who date around a bit more.

For me at present it’s working out if certain romantic choices and attachments are going to keep me “stuck”, or if they’re going to expand things for me?

I think my concern for a long distance thing (like you I had a very intense emotional thing with a long distance guy and am currently on it) would be putting my life on hold and not engaging with social and dating opportunities around me.

#bunkbedpeople. It’s always such a surprise when it does happen. If he was staying in London I am quite sure we’d be out for dinner tonight as we planned. He will make new contacts in Wales. I don’t think he’ll forget this either though..I feel like my heart has been broken. He doesn’t want it hurt further. I know that. Neither his.

I think I will stop dating for a year actually. Divorce to complete and things to sort. This event, whilst amazing on one level just doesn’t help..

@Flipflopflap75 ... you made me think of Jump the Gun a song by Halestorm.

I'm a firm believer in just going with the flow. But I always get hurt too 😁 so don't take advice from me

Some people actively choose to date a submariner..😱? Jeezus. That must be very messy when they all get out. At least I could potentially drive rather than having to dive..🐙🤣🤣

I was actually surprised by how many responses were on that thread just shows how big/diverse mumsnet is! There’s millions of us

@cravingthelook has Mr Big been in contact today.

Currently on our way to the coast to have a walk along the sea front and an ice lolly. Then he is going to be very fashionably late to a BBQ he was meant to be at hours ago. His friends know that he has blown them off a bit for his girlfriend but they are cool with it.

I'm having the best day I have had in a very long time. He is planning on seeing me tomorrow aswell after he has got all his ironing and work stuff prepped.

@Dancerinthemoonlight do you mean Mr Swan? Or you thinking of the other poster who has a Mr Big?

I got a response to something I sent last night that's all. It took me 5.5hours to reply to that message tho. 😂

Thank you for replying. I just wonder what I'm doing wrong sometimes. Dating with a disability is so dispiriting, I go into every conversation expecting them to run a mile when I bring it. So many do.

What sites do people find best for making genuine connections with actually nice people?

@crazycatlady20 I hope that Mr Big was in touch today and you got to see him.

@welshmaenad honestly I don't think that once specific site is better than others at making connections. I had always written Tinder off as a hookup app but that is where I met Mr S.

@Welshmaenad
I agree tinder and bumble seem to have worked fine for quantity of dates

In terms of finding genuine people I think it’s just a case of screening early, taking your time, and cutting off anything that doesn’t feel right?

Even if you’ve chatted for a while and they tick some boxes, just don’t reply or block if something feels off.

I got some good advice earlier on in this thread which was to work out what you feel comfortable with in terms of flirting/sex chat/dating style and just sticking with that (and reject anyone who isn’t after the same thing)

I’ve had big breaks from dating over the last few years and although I’m up to speed now I do think things move a lot more quickly

there’s more chances to meet new people - you don’t get that “same old faces” feeling.,

but also a lot of ghosting and people often feeling “one swipe away” from a better prospect. So it’s not really -a personal reflection on you if they decide not to stay in touch.

Hello again. Stupid user name and account a bit different as it wouldn’t take to log in.. so, update is that Mr Wales and I are totally back on. He’s leaping in the car and driving to mine to arrive early tomorrow morning. I am 45, he is 47, we met 7 days ago and this fling is making us feel like teenagers. We can talk the move a bit later down the line..🤣

@Welshmaenad i find tinder the best due to sheer volume of people passing through. In the past, I've had dates via there and Bumble. I met my ex long term FWB via POF and he was very nice and kind. I think all you can really do is screen people early as to whether you are picking up any bad vibes and also accept that it's just a candy shop mentality mostly rather than anything particular you have done. For me personally I don't like/have time to multidate and ideally don't want the other person to but most do it. I've been upfront early on with men saying I've just started something and want to see how it goes. Just set your boundaries and be yourself, it's hard at times but there are some decent people looking too.

Good date with Mr Surprises. He’s just left. We talked loads, spent a good chunk of time in bed and then further talked. He seemed much more comfortable tonight and didn’t seem in a rush to leave. I’d love to ask him to stay over but my son gets up really early and I am also in a nasty flare of my Crohn’s disease which is always worse first thing (I haven’t told him about it yet) so yes, all felt good 😊

My date with Mr Car was a little tricky. I knew this time I wasn't feeling any spark so I told him. He was lovely about it but I felt terrible, especially as he had bought me a lovely gift for my birthday. Absolutely lovely guy but I didn't fancy him. 😔

How are you crazycat? Did you get to see Mr Big in the end?

@bangheadhere40 no I didnt see him. started well saying he'd be over later, then at lunch said he was helping with a breakdown, fair enough, didnt hear for about 5 hours then said he was giving a statement at police. wouldnt give me a call but was on/off whatsapp. I did go a bit ott on messages but I was so angry.

online this morning but nothing from him. I've blocked him. I feel so stupid and I'm so upset. I really want a cuddle, mr positive is offering lunch but think it's a but unfair to meet him today.