Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@crazycatlady20 it would have either been sex then sleep or just straight to sleep. We don't have a time yet but are definitely seeing each other on Sunday. It's just going to be a chill at home sort of a date but sometimes they are the best.

I'm with you on being a one man type of lady. I never could split my time between multiple irons. It's a very difficult position you are in because you want to know that he is in it for the dates etc not just for the sex.

Happy Birthday @bangheadhere40

Thanks for the birthday wishes.

I'm really not finding myself excited to see Mr Car tomorrow so wondering if I should cancel. I know he has rearranged his weekend though 😔

Do you think I should go? Or nip it in the bud now if I'm pretty sure there's nothing romantic there.

Have you heard back crazycat if he is coming over?

@bangheadhere40 not yet, hes messaged again to say hes not feeling great, waiting for him to phone. not looking good 🙁

@bangheadhere40 personally I'd go on on the date. You might feel differently once you're their and it could be a nice night out. distraction from the birthday card?

@bangheadhere40 I agree with @crazycatlady20. Go on the date. It will be a nice distraction from the card. Just treat is as a nice evening out with no expectations.

@crazycatlady20 I'm sorry, it's really not looking good for you tonight

so hes not coming but said he'd come tomorrow so will see.

to be fair we had said earlier in the week fri or sat but he said fri yesterday. will see what tomorrow brings.

meanwhile an old iron who I chat too often, but doesnt want a relationship wants to meet as friends (and more if he can get away with it) and mr positive also still keen to meet as friends.

my head is frazzled.

Okay I will go....it's just an afternoon meet again 🙂

I don't know what the point of the card was...not heard a peep since!

Hope you get to see your iron this weekend crazycat

I hope it's ok if I jump in for a bit of help and support.

I met somebody last year via OLD and I really thought it was forever. I've not had the easiest time since I ended my marriage 5 years ago, either in relationships, or generally - I developed a neuro condition that has affected my mobility/energy and really affected how I saw myself as a potential partner. I was so pleased to meet someone who could see past that, and I was really happy. This week he ended it, completely out of the blue, and I am devastated.

It took me a long time and a lot of counselling to try dating again (when I met him) and now I don't know what to do for the best - I'm worried that withdrawing from it all will leave me bitter and depressed, and in an ever downward spiral of convincing myself I'm unworthy and undesirable again.

I also think I need to do some work on my attachment style and resilience in dating and I'd love any reading recommendations. Really I'm just after a bit of gentle encouragement and a hand hold.

going on my first in person date since before lockdown (bottle of wine and a walk in a nice park). i feel so nervous!! Haven't spent ages chatting but the bloke seems really nice, flirty, friendly. he keeps saying I look familiar from somewhere. I feel so nervous! it's been so long! I've lost weight since I was last dating(about 2.5 dress sizes) but feel really big still and self conscious. argh!

plus had a clothes crisis and now feel my dress is a bit scruffy

@sweetbirdofjuice is the date tonight?
I'm sure you look stunning in the dress you have chosen. You have done amazing losing 2.5 stone so go out and rock your slimmer body

@Welshmaenad you are NOT undesirable or unworthy. If your ex couldn't see your worth then that is his loss and not yours. You are worth so much more than him.

I have a connective tissue/collagen disorder so I know how you feel in finding someone who looks past your condition and actually sees you. There are good men out there who will.

If you need to take some the out to heal your heart and become stronger then do that. If you feel it's more beneficial for you to start old again then set up a profile and start. Now is the time to focus on you and doing what is right for you.

@Welshmaenad

I agree with dancer - make sure that whatever you do you’re mindful of your own emotional needs. Even if you’re not in a relationship you’re still worthy and deserve to be happy and enjoy life.

If you do decide to date, maybe take it quite slow? Don’t put pressure or deadlines on yourself. The goal isn’t “finding love” or “happiness” - you’re enough by yourself. You just want to get out there a bit, meet new people.

I’ve had a stressful 2020 due to illness nearly screwing up professional exams etc.

Don’t laugh but I’m a fan of the Queen and her speech last Xmas was focused on “using small steps to achieve daunting tasks” and I found that very helpful.

So rather than think about the big picture of finding a relationship, have an online dating profile up, chat to a lot of people ( but also screen out or stop chatting as soon as you don’t want to) and have one meet every month or couple months or so?

Pace yourself and take things one week at a time. Don’t overthink your illness or feel you have to overexplain anything or “settle” or compensate in other ways. It’s only a few coffees or meals out at first anyway then you both decide if you want to keep on?

I used to be on these threads ages ago. I became single again at the start of lockdown. I'm more than ready to jump back into the dating pool. I'm in London and looking for a no strings attached fling for sex and hanging out. I've met people through Tinder, Happn, OKCupid and POF in the past. I'm not sure I can be bothered with sifting through all the messages etc this time, has anyone got any good suggestions? I'm 51 if that makes any difference. I'm looking for someone well groomed and intelligent and preferably a bit arty. Is there a better site that I should try? Have a great weekend everyone!

@bangheadhere40 the point of the card was to get in your head, don't let it work

Yes craving I just don't get it! Tell me to go away then send me the nicest card with a nice message, then not to be heard from again.

It's not working.. but it did put me back a little bit and made me think of him again.

sweetbird enjoy the date and well done on the weight loss...that's an amazing achievement

@HampsteadHeathen

I’d imagine if you’re very clear you want sex you won’t have any problems finding someone decent as a female the odds will be very in your favour - I’ve not used it myself but I think others have used fab.com? Or fab? Not sure exactly what it’s called.

thanks all. he was nice and spend a good 4 hours chatting but mentioned ex at least half a dozen times. not expecting to hear back, I don't think he's ready. He said something about how with her they didn't ever spend hours chatting, it was physical. I don't really love that comparison . oh well. Good to get back out there

I have decided against going to the US with MrLegal, it's just too soon for me.

He's coming on quite strong, he told me he's falling in love with me we have only been dating a couple of weeks
I didn't think he got the reaction he hoped for, I told him that I thought he was latching on to the first person that has shown him affection etc since his marriage and that it's just lust.
He did back track a bit after that.
I last saw him on Tuesday, he's been asking to see me every day since but I have put him off, I may see him tonight but I'm not sure I want to. I feel very crowded by him.

When we are together it's lovely and easy and natural and I have a great time, but I like my own space. I've told him to back off and he does listen for a short time but then it creeps back in. Like last night, he was waiting to video call despite me telling him that my dc were still up and we were having a movie night. Eventually he gave in and went to bed.

Just so much pressure.

@30somethingandstillsingle that does sound like a very pressurised situation and you are doing well to stand your ground and to tell him what you want out of the dating/relationship. I think you have probably made the right choice to not go to the us with him as he is saying he wants to see you everyday and not really taking it to heart when you tell him to back off

Mr S surprised me last night. He ended his guys night early so he could come and see me and spend the day with me today. He wants to show me that I'm important to him - his exact words ☺️☺️
He is currently lying in my bed watching me curl my hair

That's sweet dancer....🙂