Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I did yes, spent a lot of time on it with more than 1 iron.
Mr R also started off like this a little bit but I kind of put him straight that he had to stop saying this! It wasn’t an ego boost for me and kind of not sure what to do with the information.... I don’t believe in leagues of attractiveness and he has stopped now

I don't have the energy or inclination for new irons just now

Still awaiting Mr Chef to make a plan for next week, if he doesn't, he doesn't meh

For 5 out of the last 7 days I've either had messages, calls, video calls or work messages from Mr Swan. I'm being chill and following his lead this time, history meant I always 'chased' him.

Last night we were on a call and it turned into FaceTime as I was showing my new painting. He was lying on his bed topless and absentmindedly running his headphones across his chest. I just ignored it. Didn't even acknowledge it. Goodness it was hard and I'm very proud of myself today, I didn't flirt, not a single spec of flirting.

Have been lurking on this thread for some time as have been navigating OLD for first time! Have a few irons, one of whom I met on Tuesday (Mr Musician). Had been texting for a few weeks and chatted on the phone a couple of times, I did notice he wasn't the best at expressing himself over text (sometimes seemed a bit short/shirty when I don't think he really was) and there were a couple of times when he went silent for a few days then came back and resumed chatting in a friendly way. He was keen to meet and seemed to be willing to travel as far as necessary to make it happen, we delayed a week or so due to a situation at my work then met in a park on Tuesday (his suggestion). Had a wonderful time - he was sweet and funny and easy to be with, seemed to blink and five hours had passed. Ended with snogging on a bench for quite some time, he mentioned inviting me back but think he knew I wasn't up for that at that point so didn't actually ask. We talked vaguely about making a plan to go to a place of interest near me (I am a member) but didn't make a firm plan to meet again.

I messaged when I got home saying got home safe, thanks for a nice time. He replied saying 'it was such a lovely time, let's do it again please!' But he doesn't seem to want to actually make a plan!!! He's a musician so currently free all the time, and I have let him know when I'm free. I mentioned the place of interest again and he said 'I'm very keen, that sounds fab', but no concrete commitment.

Yesterday I had a HORRIBLE date with another iron, Mr Boring, and (stupidly) messaged Mr Musician on way home. He hadn't texted all day but when I texted he replied immediately and seemed pleased to have heard from me. I had been to Place of Interest with a relative that morning so sent him some pics and he said 'Ah! So pretty! I haven't been there in years!' I was tipsy and feeling a bit fed up so messaged telling him I had had a couple of drinks and was going to bed, said 'call me sometime or let me know if you'd like to meet again, but if not that's fine too! I'll stop bugging you!' He said 'You're sweet. Talk tomorrow. X'

What's going on ladies?!! I am getting such mixed messages! Is all lost? Am trying desperately not to be too invested (but struggling...)

Have been lurking on this thread for some time as have been navigating OLD for first time! Have a few irons, one of whom I met on Tuesday (Mr Musician). Had been texting for a few weeks and chatted on the phone a couple of times, I did notice he wasn't the best at expressing himself over text (sometimes seemed a bit short/shirty when I don't think he really was) and there were a couple of times when he went silent for a few days then came back and resumed chatting in a friendly way. He was keen to meet and seemed to be willing to travel as far as necessary to make it happen, we delayed a week or so due to a situation at my work then met in a park on Tuesday (his suggestion). Had a wonderful time - he was sweet and funny and easy to be with, seemed to blink and five hours had passed. Ended with snogging on a bench for quite some time, he mentioned inviting me back but think he knew I wasn't up for that at that point so didn't actually ask. We talked vaguely about making a plan to go to a place of interest near me (I am a member) but didn't make a firm plan to meet again.

I messaged when I got home saying got home safe, thanks for a nice time. He replied saying 'it was such a lovely time, let's do it again please!' But he doesn't seem to want to actually make a plan!!! He's a musician so currently free all the time, and I have let him know when I'm free. I mentioned the place of interest again and he said 'I'm very keen, that sounds fab', but no concrete commitment.

Yesterday I had a HORRIBLE date with another iron, Mr Boring, and (stupidly) messaged Mr Musician on way home. He hadn't texted all day but when I texted he replied immediately and seemed pleased to have heard from me. I had been to Place of Interest with a relative that morning so sent him some pics and he said 'Ah! So pretty! I haven't been there in years!' I was tipsy and feeling a bit fed up so messaged telling him I had had a couple of drinks and was going to bed, said 'call me sometime or let me know if you'd like to meet again, but if not that's fine too! I'll stop bugging you!' He said 'You're sweet. Talk tomorrow. X'

What's going on ladies?!! I am getting such mixed messages! Is all lost? Am trying desperately not to be too invested (but struggling...)

Apologies for double post! X

@Mattietoes

I’d get back on the apps with energy, balls in his court now? Chances are he’s multiple dating and concentrating on someone else.

If you’re happy sending him light messages then why not but I’d focus on creating new dating options

Welcome

Ps I think if you really like someone then having a “bad” meet can be even worse than usual as you just see the contrast and think it’s “either the one I want or this one!”

Lots of messages from Mr Surprises today. He’s asked to meet up on Saturday evening 😉

Hmm, lots of texts from Mr Musician this evening. Turns out he was working all day. Going to speak on the phone in a bit...

Hmm, lots of texts from Mr Musician this evening. Turns out he was working all day. Going to speak on the phone in a bit...

Was my birthday yesterday.....I got a card through the post from the old iron I had just about stopped thinking about who told me he didn't want to speak to me.

Put me back a little bit 😔

Happy birthday for yesterday @bangheadhere40, hope you had a lovely day. What an odd thing for your old iron to do, it would have thrown me too. I am often struggle to understand how some people's mind work. Try not to dwell on it. Has anything developed with Mr Car since your date ?

Thank you onesmallstep. I am meeting Mr Car again tomorrow. I'm still undecided about him as there wasn't really a spark. If I'm not feeling it after tomorrow I will let him know as i don't want to mess him around.

I'm glad to hear that you are meeting Mr Car again. Sometimes the nerves or adrenaline of the first date impact our reactions - and theirs. It'll be good to see how you feel after tomorrow.

Nice chat with Mr Musician on the phone last night, going to meet next week. Think I have to get better at accepting other people have different communication styles to me... think he's pretty shy!

@bangheadhere40 happy birthday for yesterday. It is a rather odd thing for an old iron to do. Hope you have a clearer idea of Mr Car after your date tomorrow

@bangheadhere40 happy birthday. yeah very odd as he must have sent it after u had stopped talking.

I have got myself in a pickle.

Mr Big (ghoster) returned last week and we decided to give it a proper go, talk of what we wanted in the future etc. things have been ok this week, supposed to be meeting tonight but he says he's feeling ill, being sick etc. I feel like hes lining me up to cancel or cut short tonight. is it bad of me to give him an ultimatum this soon and even tho he's not well?

i was honest with mr positive (who I'd been chatting to 2 weeks and met twice) when mr big returned. he initially said he wasnt being anyones 2nd choice but has been chatting 'as friends' this week. I'm not sure how I feel about it. if it wasnt for mr bigs return I think we'd have been exclusive by now. he is very keen.

I am drawn to mr big for some reason.

@crazycatlady20 I dont think there is any reason against giving Mr Big an ultimatum. He needs to know that you aren't just going to sit around waiting for him. That you have a very fulfilling life that he would be lucky to be part of. Is this the first date since you started talking again and decided to give things another go?

@dancerinthemoonlight yes first proper arranged get together altho we are just going to be at mine. I just feel bad if hes ill. Also I know if he says no then that really should be the end for me and I dont want that really, i want him to say yes 😕

he knows I had met mr positive, do I tell him that someone else is willing to put the effort in if hes not?

I hate this.

well he did stay over last week when we discussed everything and has popped by since but this was the first night to actually sit chat/date night.

@crazycatlady20 it really is a tricky one especially as you have seen him a couple of times. On one hand he could actually be ill but on the other he could be trying to push his luck and see what he can get away with.
You could send him a text along the line of are we still on for tonight, id like to know as I will make other plans. Something better written than that though. It might make him think that he can't just decide last minute of he wants to see you as you have other things to do

@dancerinthemoonlight the popping by was just sex (mutually instigated), he knows I want more than that, which is why I'd be upset if he cancels tonight.

he is sleeping just now, will wait and see what he says when he wakes.

I'm just so impatient I like to know what's happening. I dont want to see how things go, I want things happening now. I'm too impatient for dating. I'm probably what guys consider to be a huge red flag, I just wanna spend (all) my time with them, sick or not lol.

I actually have no other plans even if he cancels. I think having mr positive hanging around in the background isn't helping.

@crazycatlady20 he doesn't need to know that you don't have any other plans.
You sound very similar to me. I like someone so I want to spend all my time with them, that is my love language along with physical touch.

Mr S said that he had been a rubbish boyfriend yesterday. We hadn't made plans to see each other but I knew I'd either be seeing him yesterday evening or Sunday so I made sure I'd done all my errands, workout etc so I had he evening free but he decided to stay in and meal prep. I told him that I was disappointed and was looking forward to seeing him, he said he'd come over then and leave at 5am but I told him not to bother as it was 23:10 roughly when he said he would. Don't think I would have had the confidence in previous relationships to say that but now he knows my standards. He has stepped up the effort today but already has plans for a guys night. While I just want to see him and snuggle up to watch a film together. I know it's not his fault that he has more friends than I have and the ones I do have are still sticking to not seeing anyone even though they have no medical need to.

@dancerinthemoonlight yeah we do seem alike. I know If they came over all the time I'd prob not want it every day lol. I think I'd love nothing better to go home and snuggle on sofa with someone and take it to heart if they dont want to with me.

good for u for saying no. he wouldnt have been away for much of his visit. do u have plans arranged to see him on sunday?

I just feel pretty torn about them both. if he doesnt come tonight, I dont want to wait about for him to up his game. especially when there is someone else telling me they like me etc. i feel horrible saying that, i am def a one man type of lady. I never imagined while I was in my LTR that I'd be here.

*wouldnt have been awake