Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Francesthemute I’m sorry to hear that. If OLD will be a distraction then go for it, just be careful to not get disappointed or disheartened

Morning all. I just thought I'd post in relation to the question of whether you go on a second date if the thunderbolts and lightning aren't there immediately... When I first met Mr biology in real life, I wasn't sure if the spark was there enough. But we'd connected so well over the phone and messages... So I saw him again. And here we are 6 weeks later, very much smitten 😍 the physical attraction grew quickly and the sex is amazing. I've slowly let my guard down and I've shown him some of my vulnerabilities, which he has treated with care. We also chatted about exclusivity early on but were talking about it in relation to online dating last night and he said he'd assume it's one person at a time. So I wouldn't say all people on online dating expect to have to spell out exclusivity once you've had a few dates and are sleeping together...

Anyway, can I join the smitten bench please?

@Francesthemute sorry to hear about your relationship coming to an end are you being kind to yourself?

I’ve just messaged Mr Surprises to say I don’t think it’s going anywhere. I like him, the sex is epic but I get zero romantic feelings back from him and I’m doing all the leg work, so I’ve stopped trying. I quietly left the ball in his court a few day’s ago and I’ve had nothing but boring everyday texts, even when I ask him things or try and steer the conversation. That’s not what I want.

I’m going to post here because anyone I might talk to in real life will be biased and I think there are lots of you out of long marriages.

Have plans to spend this weekend with Lovely Mr Blueeyes and was nervously excited:) I had a bit of a wobble last night about something and he was lovely to me so woke up today feeling good again.

Had to tell exDH that I am away this weekend as we sometimes swap cars but I need my car -didn’t go into details but he has obviously worked out I’m meeting someone.

He has texted and rang to see will I consider giving us another chance go away for a night start seeing each other without anyone knowing to see if we can work things out! This is the man I would have done anything to try and work things out with and who I begged to try lots of things to improve our relationship! We had 5 shit years before we split so it was not a decision taken lightly also given that we have 3 children. It seemed to be mutual at the start but he has since reframed the separation to say I threw him out -whatever!

I only started OLD after he told me he was doing it and had met someone-couldn’t meet in lockdown and then did -introduced her to friends family etc.-after a few weeks they stopped seeing each other. So basically she didn’t work out so I’ll do!
I am so annoyed because I feel like he’s ruined my plans this weekend. My head is fried with what ifs, should I etc ...I’m feeling like I should cancel because of it Because is it fair to Mr BE but then I feel like I deserve to meet this nice man who seems to want me too...I could scream! I’m also trying to be mindful of how I like to talk myself out of scary things even when I want to do them and this could me using this as an excuse for that!
Anyone any wise words if you manage to read through?

Go out with Mr BE. Honestly just go with your plans. Yes you deserve to see where that goes, your marriage had it’s time and even if it does work out in the end, there is no rush. I think you would regret not seeing if you could be happier with someone who treats you better than your EH

Go with MrBE....your ex has had his chance.

As Menora says at least give it a chance to see if it's better. 🙂

I've been there and got the t-shirt- absolutely keep your plans!

@ZoZoBo go out with Mr BE. Although I haven't been married I have been in the same position you have been with an ex. He ended it but when he found out I was dating again it was all you should be mine, your my girl, come and see me etc. I had moved on enough not even to question it and told him that I didn't feel that way about him anymore. This was a man I would have done anything for at the time.

I think your exdh just doesn't like that fact that you are moving on with your life and are potentially going to fine someone who can give you more than he ever could

Mr Legal has asked if I will go with him on a trip to The US next month. It's a work trip for him and it happens to be the week I don't have dc and am off work (I had a holiday booked but it was cancelled due to Covid).

He's reiterated there is no pressure for me to go, but he would like me to as he will have a fair amount of free time.

My gut reaction was that it's way too soon, but then part of me thinks it could be fun (and it's a state I've always wanted to visit).
Opinions welcome!

30 I would definitely go for it!

@30somethingandstillsingle you know him better than any of us. If it's somewhere you have always wanted to visit and are free to go then nothing is stopping you. I'd just say make sure you have enough for a separate hotel room and/or flight just incase something goes wrong.

Mr S and I have been
talking about me visiting his home country with him post covid. I'd be meeting the family he still has there and his daughter as she lives out there. It's in a part of the world I have always wanted to visit so plan of going someday anyway. The way he was describing it to me was amazing. He made it sound so romantic and magical.

@ZoZoBo go out with Mr BE, re your ex. you tried everything, you had sadness for 5 years. Remember that saying, you want what you can't have .... well it's dawned on him that you are moving on AND he's realised that OLD isn't easy. So his response is to go back to the woman who put up with his nonsense before. Don't do it. He blew it. He's doing the panic pick me dance.

Mr BE is giving you what you want now. Enjoy it.

I know I'm so much better at thinking objectively when it's someone else - the irony is not lost on me

@30somethingandstillsingle you only live once, I agree - just make sure you can get another room/flight if needed.

That would be soooooo exciting. I'd do it.

Hello. just wait until you are in your 60's and still very much alive !! Just been for a "coffee". with a guy who seems to think women should go "halves" on everything including holidays. If he looked like and smelled like and dressed like James Bond etc he would stand a chance but Stig of the Dump really doesn't do it for me. Why don't these guys try to look decent and as for the teeth let's not go there ..........

Remember Mr Chef?? Well he's back and I did like him, but he'd been more pen pal after our first date. So I asked him outright, and he said he does want to meet again next week. I'll give him the chance but I'm not planning it. That will show me his level of interest.

Mr Swan is making tons of effort to be best mates again, messaged last night, phone call this afternoon, talking about car sharing Thursday if we are both in, said he'd love to help me house hunting. It's lovely but I'm consciously holding back. It's strange him driving things because I always used to. I'm wondering if he genuinely missed me or wether something else happened in the 51 days.

Nice to hear happy stories. I had a regular iron I let go at the start of lockdown and a number of chats and dates since but am currently feeling overwhelmingly lonely and cheesed off with it all. FWB situation developing with another iron but meh, think I want swept off my feet passion or maybe nothing!

@Deez65 surely the issue is not going halves with everything? I do the same with holidays or dinner etc. Actually it made me feel uncomfortable that Mr Legal insisted on paying for dinner on Saturday.

Thank you. He's coming over tonight so will talk to him more about it then, but I'm leaning towards going with him now

@Deez65 sounds like you had fun

Seriously though as a modern independent woman I'd never expect a man to pay for me. Halves is normal, In fact I'll happily pay for coffees/dinner etc for Mr Tea (a long term iron) as out incomes are not nearly comparable. It's ok with us both.

I feel stressed when men pay and usually end up really trying to pay! I also don’t like getting presents. I am feeling really anxious about what Mr R may have got me for my birthday as I hope it isn’t expensive

I am having such a crap week with work. And I am 40 next week and feeling really crap about that, from a friends and family standpoint. This is why I always end up falling into intense relationships because I think they end up plugging the gap of things I don’t get from my family and long standing friends. My best friend is married and lovely, she’s not in this category of selfish but I never get to see her alone, her DH is always there. My other friends can be flighty let downs or live miles away (but still good friends to me) and my family are demanding assholes. Who wants to organise and host their own bloody 40th birthday? It is really stressing me out (should I shouldn’t I)

I'm the same re paying. Mr Farmer (now Mr G) is very middle class and out earns me but I've insisted on paying for most of the takeaways / meals we have had, it's like I overcompensate as I don't want to be a "princess" .... I'm much more a queen 😆👑

My iron from Saturday tried to pick up the bill which was lovely of him as he probably earns a lot less than me but I insisted on putting my half in. Always pay half, would feel weird not too

Mr Car insisted on buying the drinks...I had to force it to buy one. He said he would never ask someone out and not pay. Unlike the crappy iron the other week who took £1 off me for the chips 😄