Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Backonthehorse1 with that reply from the first iron just leave it, you've been straight up and he's playing not worth it.

Just off a 5 hour (yes 5) video call with Mr Swan. During the course of the call we worked through a lot of our issues in a very natural and positive way. He said his shield is down and we just were us, this pair of mad people who talk utter nonsense that only we get. It reminded me why I get lost in space and time when I get that Mr Swan. I just have to keep myself reminded he can also run away or lift the shield at any time.

Mr legal has just left.

Our date was lovely, he brought flowers, opened every door and was amazing company. After dinner we watched the sunset over the river.
He then came back to mine to watch a movie, not much watching was done he has only ever had sex with one person, he's also not very confident because of that. We did have sex, but he struggled with ED and didn't climax- he's also on anti depressants so I think that doesn't help. He was very good to me in other ways. Hopefully as we try more he will get there.

He's very full on, not afraid to say exactly what he is thinking/feeling and it's almost like he can see into my soul, knows straight away every time when I'm thinking something but not saying it.
He validates everything I say, makes me feel like I could tell him absolutely anything and he would not judge.

In the bedroom, although I'm much more experienced than him, I have some body confidence issues and would normally try and make them less obvious/hide them, but he made me feel a million dollars and forget about them.

He's asked for exclusivity, which I didn't give him an answer to.
I am soo very aware of his relationship history so I am really trying to be sensible, but it's hard as it feels so right and natural with him. I've never experienced anything like it.

I've had a serious workload the last couple of weeks so haven't checked in on the boards much but I'm back!
A couple of irons but nothing really going anywhere. One is becoming a penpal- I think that's the term? He sends long messages almost every evening and we talk about life, the universe and everything but no mention of meeting up at all. Similar vibe from the other one.
Is this OLD business ever straight forward?! Should I mention meeting up? I mean I'm not in a hurry but I also don't want to be wasting my time..... be grateful of your wisdom!!

Anyone else sign up to EHarmony as a result of the promotion on here. Coming to the end of the three month discount period. Why oh why did I sign up?!? Now stuck paying another £270.00 over the rest of the year. Tinder was better in terms of folks actually messaging etc. EHarmony is limp, the numbers aren't great and I am now questioning the sense of signing up during a pandemic...

@Mumtolittleorange yes, suggest a meet, if they don't step up and meet, get rid, they are pen pals

@myrtlehuckingfuge sorry, never used it

Thanks @cravingthelook
What is the motivation for being a penpal? It seems quite weird. Maybe they are just lonely... or married 😂

Lonely. Married. Take your pick. Now that lockdown is effectively over, the one-week-to-meet rule can come back I reckon.

Hi all, I did a brief intro on here last week as just getting back into dating.
I used Match last autumn and had a lovely 6 month 'romance' my first after a 20 year marriage that ended due to my husband's affair. We parted company recently on good terms so I feel ready to move on.
I've joined Match again but not overly impressed, I'm 50 but a very young, active, sporty 50 and blokes my age just seem, well , old! I prefer younger but not too much younger so mid 40s upwards.
What other apps should I consider, Ive tried Hinge but very few on there in my area and my age.
Last time I did POF and Bumble too but never met anyone, just had lots of messages and random ongoing chats! I had 3 dates from Match last time, the 3rd we hit it off and the first 2 although nothing came of them they were nice blokes. Hence why I thought I'd join there again.
I guess I'm just feeling a bit despondent ☹️

Mr Surprises is coming over this evening. We chatted last night a bit and arranged for him to come over to mine this evening. I’d like to talk to him and get to know him more, rather than just ending up in bed (which is absolutely incredible so hard not too!)

I asked him if he wanted to see me again and he said yes, why do you even need to ask? Do I not make it obvious? When I told him he gives nothing away, he seemed genuinely shocked. I’m not sure yet if this will become an issue. I’m not needy by any stretch but he really doesn’t give me much compliment wise and if you read our texts you’d think I was talking to a friend. He’s always with me when we are together but he wouldn’t text after a date to say he enjoyed it, he doesn’t arrange dates but is very happy when I do, he accepts compliments but doesn’t give them back. Maybe he’s just shy, maybe I am expecting too much, maybe he’s just not that kind of person but either way I’ll be bringing it up this evening as I can’t progress this to a relationship without this aspect. I am complimentary and I do say so when I like something but need the same back in return. Apologies if this sounds shallow and self centred. I’d just like to be made to feel special occasionally

@VivaVegas I could've written your post, also being 50, sporty, and on Match. It's a similar breakdown from a blokes point of view. I don't mind too much about meeting someone massively sporty but the young at heart thing is important.

A couple of years ago I tried Fitness Singles but it had very few in my area, and is expensive if you want to message, but it's fair to say most were sporty/active. You can sign up for free and view profiles.

@MummyGoingItAlone it's not self centred, it's having standards and boundaries. If you tell him that's what he needs to do, that you're not psychic, then I can't see how he can possibly object, it's just good communication, IMHO.

I went out with Mr First (and last time!) yesterday. I see why people say to meet up sooner rather than later. I knew within a minute that I didn't fancy him but had spent all week messaging him and got on really well.

It was good to go out though!

@VivaVegas Sadly our choice is limited. 50 year old men are generally really old. And boozy. And dull. I think @EchoElephant is in the same boat. I've given up OLD. I had 3 dates in2 weeks but god. Yeah.

Nice date yesterday with my front runner thinking of having a few days away Air bnb staycation

Feel a bit out of sync because I’m 9 years older so I’ve “been there done that” with the holidays and the nights out/romantic weekends away thing.

And it’s easy to come across a bit “meh” at something that’s a big deal for someone else.

Not sure what to do about other Irons, still chatting to a few on tinder.

Also have my other iron I’ve met who is very good looking who I was sort of drifting away from but who dropped something off at mine last week and was reminded of his hotness

Also think I will get back in touch with MrMilitary towards the end of his tour as...... why not?

It’s just a change in mindset I think I need - being more comfortable with the mentality of “everyone’s multiple dating so you do it too”.

It’s like almost feeling guilty about having a few blokes I kind of get on with who are attracted to me and treat me well, and I “should be” playing the martyr with one bloke.

Even though I’m not wanting a full time boyfriend, and childfree by choice so no deadline....I think it’s also all those subliminal messages I grew up with where having an official boyfriend means I’m “good enough” or internally slut shaming myself....

( I’m not leading anyone on and everyone I’m involved with is definitely still active on OD - changing profiles etc)

Jeez, are we doomed at 50 🤣
It's like you say @HairyArsedMan being young at heart is important. I'd like to meet someone who still keeps active and actually wants to do things. Is it so bad from a mans perspective? I thought there would be lost of lovely woman on offer?!
I had a match with a guy last week who fitted the brief, I found him attractive from his photos, slightly older than me and we messaged for 2 nights and then I suggested meeting for a drink (I hate messaging someone I don't know for ages) and then no reply since. He keeps looking at my profile though, so weird!
Do I need to just get a load of cats 🤔

@Bunkbedpeople i personally struggle with the idea of multi dating though I appreciate this is a rare opinion. I rarely like people and when I do, I really want to see how that goes first rather than juggle a few. But that's a difficult one to communicate when ideally you want the other person to feel the same!

VivaVegas I will be 50 next year and currently just use Pof. I had a good look at Match but didn't join as I could see a lot of the same men were on pof.
I also looked at muddy matches (as i'm out in the sticks) but only about 5 men in my county so discounted that.
I've never had a problem on pof and I've been on and off a lot over the last six years. Though messages these days are becoming fewer and I expect will dwindle in my fifties? It's not fair as I have my shit together and like myself these days!
Been chatting to someone who seems lovely for three days.I mention i'm coming into town(where he lives) for my first clothes shop since march and to have a mooch about as son has a few hours with his dad every sunday…. Trying to hint as he had said he was having a lazy one at home,but he didn't take the hint or didn't want to.
Looks like I have another penpal on my hands so will move on.

@VivaVegas of course you’re not doomed at 50! I only started OLD at 55, have met some lovely, active, interesting men between 50 and 60. Some terribly tedious duds as well of course. I’m nearly 58 now, with a 51 year old. I have more energy than him but he has more wisdom than me. I think it’s a question of staying hopeful and being open to possibilities. And luck.

oooh,just had a first message from wonderlad69 saying 'lets grow old together'.
Um,no. Unlikely he has even read my profile and it just cries out desperation and no social skills ( or he is taking the piss) So yeah,pof has some oddballs but you will find some good ones!

I just read up on Love bombing and I can't decide if Mr Legal is or if he's genuinely just a bit smitten.
I don't think he knows the meaning of taking things slow.
He wants to meet later, that will be 3 dates in 3 days, and I'm shattered. But on the other hand it's my last child free night until Saturday.

30something if he has only slept with one other person he probably thinks all his birthdays have come at once and can't believe his luck meeting someone like you :) just take it easy. I expect his feelings are all over the place but I wouldn't say love bombing. More excited puppy dog!
At least you have nearly a week to cool it all down before you see him again which is a good thing

I'd also like to speak up for the over 50s. I am 53. I have written previously about not really struggling to find plenty of men to chat to despite on paper having various aspects to me that might definitely put some guys off. It really is a case of perseverance and luck.
My evening with Mr Van, my best friend and her DH was good fun. I think Mr V was a bit apprehensive about meeting them but it was all fine. And slowly I am beginning to relax into things. Someone posted earlier about being the one to do the complimenting but not receive many in return. Mr Van is a bit like that. I find it easy to say nice stuff to him which he seems to be unsure how to react to sometimes. It's definitely not an arrogance thing with him so I have taken it as a form of shyness. But we had a really lovely cuddle this morning just talking for ages in bed about everything and nothing. And that's what I miss. I'm quietly optimistic about me and Mr V.

Back from second date with Mr Copper. Ended up staying over and dtd. Oh I'm so confused with him. He's so sweet and genuine, he makes me laugh, and it feels like I've known him for ages. We were chatting for a couple of months during lockdown so I think that has definitely created a bit of intimacy before we actually met. However, he's not really my type, and the sex - oh it was not good. It was bad, eurgh, I'm so disappointed!

I feel the same as you bunkbed when it comes to multi-dating. I feel kind of wrong doing it, even though I know this is kind of 'how it's done' on OLD.

When it comes to Mr Copper, I know he is probably more keen on me than I am on him, but we've not had the exclusivity chat and it's only been two dates. Surely it's ok for me to be chatting/arranging dates with others? Or does dtd change this?

I'm pretty sure he's still on Tinder too - our old conversation is still there which I believe means he hasn't deleted the app - is that right?

ANYWAY! Given up on Mr Indie asking me out (same penpal situation you have been having mumtolittleorange. I couldn't hint any clearer and he didn't take the bait and I haven't heard from him all day. Won't be messaging him again unless he contacts me. I really thought we had something of a connection - been speaking the whole way through lockdown but I'm guessing I was just a distraction for him and now things are getting back to normal, I've slipped down the pecking order for him.

Chatting to Mr Bar. Don't really know much about him but he's keen to meet up and willing to travel 30 miles to my hometown to meet one night this week so I'm going to go for it, I'd much rather that than another penpal situation.

Why was the sex bad?
You need to find out what he is expecting from this, not assume

Date last night with new iron was good. So nice to be back out in an actual restaurant/bar too. He wasnt what I expected at all but we got on well and both had a fun evening. Hes asked if we can meet again when I'm next childfree and I've said yes. I'm not sure we'd work as a couple but no harm in agreeing to another date given we had such a nice time