Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Welcome @WolfRun and @Backonthehorse1

@Backonthehorse1
Yes definitely bring up meeting and cut conversations short if he isn’t discussing that - he could be a catfish or just be too busy to meet anyone or have someone he’s dating seriously and looking to keep you as a fallback plan. It doesn’t have to be a big plan right now - just a drink or coffee. Don’t be drawn into more “and how was your day?” interaction

@Lovemusic33

Maybe it’s my antisocial soul talking here but MrSnake sounds like a bit of a pushy PITA not respecting your boundaries.

I mean rejection sucks and it’s nice to be nice but he’s acting like a pest? Having a “friend” who was trying to guilt trip me into taking them on romantically would definitely negatively impact on my MH.

I’d send him one formal brief message saying you don’t have time to communicate/discuss anything with him now due to your personal issues (no wiggle room and don’t say you’ll be back in touch) and ignore anything else he sends. He doesn’t have your best interests at heart, just a source to solve his neediness and tolerate his kinks

@Backonthehorse1 definitely just ask Mr Indie and then you will know one way or another. My recent experience is that men who want to meet will meet, there are lots that just seem to want penpals at the moment

Back from date number 1 (in the park) with Mr Legal. Totally totally blown away. The instant chemistry and connection was hard to ignore. There were no negatives at all. He did explain his marriage breakdown in more detail, which did make me feel better about that side of things.

Date number 2 tomorrow

So mr Tea is here, it feels different, I feel like it's coming close to a natural end. I'm sad but just doing me.

Mr Swan asked for a video call this evening.

I ended things with Mr BeachHut as he'd not replied for 2 days, I sent a kind message, he's read and not replied says it all.
I ended things with Mr NewHouse because he messaged multiple times a day for a week then nothing for 5 days. He then made up all sorts of excuses after I kindly ended it. Says it all for me.

Right now I don't want any of it

Right now I have a wall to build, a one that can withstand any look Mr Swan throws at me. I'll make it 51 layers thick.

I met with Mr Snake last night, mainly for sex but he got all mushy with me and keeps telling me he really really likes me, he obviously hasn’t listened to anything I have said about slowing things down and has asked me to meet him tomorrow, I told him I’m busy (I’m meant to be seeing Mr ski for lunch), he’s being a bit pushy but won’t get anywhere with tomorrow. I probably won’t see him now for a couple weeks as he has his dd next week but I’m sure he will try and get me to meet up with him anyway, I think I’m meeting Mr motorbike ( a old iron) next week to go kayaking purely as friends but will give me an excuse not to meet Mr Snake. Mr Snake kept moaning about spending the weekend in his own but is now saying he’s out with his friend today so I’m sure he will cope with not seeing me. Not sure I can handle all the mushy lovey doves stuff 🤢.

Remember @Lovemusic33 you don't need an excuse not to see Mr Snake. No is a complete sentence.

lovemusic just end it with mr Snake as he is far more emotionally involved than you. It would be the kindest thing to do.

Some new faces on pof and some good chats going on :)

@30somethingandstillsingle great update about your date last night. Hope today's date with Mr Legal is equally as enjoyable.

@lovemusic33 I'm just really going to echo everyone else and say that no is a complete sentence. Although it may not seem like the nicest thing to do sometimes it is better to be cruel to be kind. You need to be firm with him and it won't end well when he is over invested in you and you don't feel the same way.

@cravingthelook hope you are doing well today and that the video call with Mr Swan goes as well as it can later. Just focus on you and what you want at this stage.

An update of sorts from me Mr S video called me last night while he was on a guys night with his friends. They were doing the typical guys in their late 20s oh is that your girlfriend etc and he said yes it is with the biggest smile on his face ☺️ Should be seeing him tomorrow, just had my hair cut and gone from mid back length to collarbone length. I'm loving the new look though

I have to agree with @kerkyra, @Lovemusic33 If you don’t see things progressing with him, he’s getting a very mixed message if you’re sleeping together, and it’s cruel to lead him on because he could be deeply hurt down the line (been there).

@bunkbedpeople Pest or genuine and open hearted character ? Hard to say in this case as I could speculate that he appears to not be listening because he is wearing his loved up rose tinted specs and maybe getting caught up in an anxious-avoidant dynamic.

@Lovemusic33
I would be inclined to agree with the others, he's probably getting rather mixed messages if you are having sex with him.

I am having the age old dilemma of what to wear for my 'proper' date tonight.

I bought a lovely LBD yesterday but I'm not sure if it's too much. Maybe I should stick with jeans and a nice top. I don't know! I feel like a teenager

I don’t think it’s going to get better with Mr Snake these things usually decline quickly and he’s going to be resentful towards you - he’s not listening but you may be giving him false hope. It’s so much kinder just to say loll we want different things!

Mr R and I had a lovely Friday evening/Saturday and we are disgustingly soppy and tactile now 😂
He is so relaxing to be around. It’s like I’ve been at a spa. He says the same about me. It’s not that we don’t have fun, we do but it’s not all high octane stuff it’s really calm and relaxing on the mind. Sex is getting better - no PE problem this time and we had a giggle searching if I have a g-spot 😂

@30somethingandstillsingle
Where are you going?

Are people still opting for socially distanced dates? If so, where are you all going? I may have a second date on the cards, first was a walk in the park, what next?!

Eesha I have just done walks or picnics up to now but have a first meet with an iron in a few hours in an actual restaurant/bar. Limited time on table though so not a completely normal date but at least we're getting back to some sort of normal

Cheers for all the advice on Mr Indie - the iron I was worrying was becoming a penpal. I decided to listen to you all and try and steer him towards a date. He mentioned that he was meeting up with friends in the pub yesterday so I messaged him saying 'I'm going to have to twist your arm someday soon and get you to take me out on a pub date.' He replied - 'There will be no arm twisting necessary'. And then NOTHING! No date, nada!

I'm going to have to write him off I think. He's either not interested or is extremely shy/coy which to be honest wouldn't work for me. I'll reply if he messages again but I'm not going out of my way to make any further effort with this one. I'm really disappointed, sigh!

Good news - date number 2 with Mr Copper tonight. I'm not as attracted to him as I hoped I would be but he is a genuinely lovely bloke.

Good luck to all on dates tonight

@Menora we are going to a nice gastro pub, I've opted for skinny jeans, heels, nice top and jewellery. Thought the dress might be too much.

Some lovely updates on how things are progressing with irons.
@Lovemusic33, I think if we flipped your situation around and it was Mr Snake who was
asking you to chill out a bit and take it slower but was then seeing you for sex we would probably be critical of him and say that you deserve better. I know we mostly do what is right for us but as someone said it would really be kinder ( and probably ultimately less messy ) to end things and let him move on.
Things jogging along quite well with Mr Van. He's over this evening and my best friend and her DH are coming round so that will be an interesting step forward. Makes it seem a bit more real. Talk between us is beginning to include plans for things we can do over the summer which is nice.

@Backonthehorse1

Just say 'so when are you free then?'

Odd evening tonight. I’d asked Mr Surprises On Thursday if he fancied a restaurant date tonight but he had already made plans to see his brother, who he hadn’t seen before lockdown. No problem.

Ive not heard much from him the last few days. He texts every day, just not much comes out of it. He’s wonderful in person though but of our last 5 dates he’s only suggested one of them. I decided this morning I wasn’t going to message today as I’m child free and busy (it’s my sons birthday party tomorrow and I’m prepping and baking) can you guess what happened? He hasn’t stopped texting all night! I’ve replied intermittently but I just don’t understand men.

Had a little wobble with Mr S today. He had invited me to go down to the south west to meet some of his friends but they didn't confirm the plans so it did happen. Apparently they phoned him late last night so he drove down at 2 am to see them today. Apparently he didn't want to wake me or get me up at that time so didn't tell me until this morning.
He knows I'm annoyed or at least was annoyed with him. He is the first person who has made me feel like being me is more than good enough but when he told me i felt like I wasn't good enough. It's an insecurity that I'm working through. Even my dad told me that I'm a disappointment.

Mr S knows no one had ever kept a promise they have made so I don't know if I should explain why I was annoyed or to just leave it and work through it

Well our wobble didn't last long. Spoke to Mr S on the phone, didn't mention my insecurities. He thought he was doing the right thing by not telling me a few hours before he was leaving but can see why I was annoyed. I told him that I appreciated his honesty of what he was doing today and that he could have easily hidden it and said that he was just having a lazy day at home or something. There will be many chances to meet them in the future and that he is still going to see me tomorrow

[quote cravingthelook]@Backonthehorse1

Just say 'so when are you free then?'[/quote]
I just did. His reply - "Ha, I'll let you know" Yeah I need to give up on this one don't I?

On date with Mr Copper now. Going well but I think he's definitely into me more than I am to him. When I first saw him tonight I wasn't attracted to him, yet 10 minutes later he's making me laugh and I'm looking at him completely differently. Same thing happened on the first date. Really strange, but I'm going with the flow and seeing what happens.

i have a confession to make... I've been back in touch with mr big who stood me up and blocked me a few weeks ago.

he messaged to apologise, I tried to stay strong and gave him an earful, but I ended up meeting him. we had a good chat and are going to try again, exclusively as bf/gf. honestly I dont know what it is about him. I wouldnt entertain another chance with anyone else. he appeared to be very open last night and happy to discuss the needs in the relationship.

I know these all sound petty but in the 10months I've known him he hasnt done these things but done them last night of his own accord - stayed over, added me to fb (bone of contention and he refused lots before), took a pic of us both, said hes told his mum about me, said he'd move in tomorrow if I asked him as he wants to show his commitment. would like a baby with me (I've never mentioned wanting more kids). do u think they hold any significance or all talk?

I have been honest with mr positive but obviously it hasnt gone down well and I feel really bad about it altho we'd only been chatting about 2weeks.

@Backonthehorse1
If there is something there then explore it, it doesn’t always happen with instant fireworks. Mr R and I were platonic friends for about 2 months or so before even having a date! I kept seeing him in a nicer and lovelier light each time - he’s not my usual ‘type’ and he’s shy, I am outgoing. But holy crap we have so much in common and he is so respectful towards me which I feel like is a first

I’ve been trying not to get too smitten but I think I might need to come on the bench. He’s just literally the best nicest kindest funniest sweetest person. He has a genuinely lovely heart and you can’t help but have a huge soft spot for him, he’s so consistent and so thoughtful, and so affectionate but not OTT 😂. We only see each other once a week but it’s such good quality time. I’m in no rush this time though - we haven’t even talked about meeting kids or anything future.