Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

No we've had stressed on both sides. Including a world wide pandemic!! All good so far...

@Notcoolmum
I should have said, aside from the pandemic

@Notcoolmum

So sorry about his job, how is he doing? Mr R is in a precarious position and I really feel for him too. Also watching to see how he deals with it. He finds out next week if it is redundancy (with no payout as not been there long enough), he needed the job to get a mortgage, the house he was buying is not available for months and months but he’s got to move out when his sells soon and he’s got to take his DC to live with his parents it looks like. I would be in a heap on the floor I reckon. I can’t really help him apart from listen but he’s trying not to let it dominate all our conversation. He came to mine tonight to help me with some DIY. Am sick of it raining and nothing much is open so really trying not to fall into being all domesticated

@Menora the constant rain is so depressing. I need light. He's ok. I just need to see he's not going to settle into being unemployed.

Hi! I have posted a bit here before, but now I am back and interested in hopefully becoming a regular!

My current issue is this: I'm going through a divorce after a 10 year relationship and have started a tiny bit of online dating. Today, someone I know 'liked' me. I assumed he didn't realise that it was me (we haven't seen each other in maybe 7 years) but it turns out he definitely did and he suggested meeting up.

My horrible, snobby quandary: he is obese. I have always really enjoyed speaking with him and I think he is very interesting and charismatic. I would meet up with him for sure because I like him. But it's all a bit frightening.

Interested in hearing perspectives on this!

I think I’d be inclined to say yes but make it clear it’s just to catch up as friends? Then see how you feel when you see him? It’s not snobby at all. We all like what we like and if you don’t find somebody attractive for whatever reason, then that is absolutely fine.

Still feeling rubbish today, Mr Snake has message me again saying he wants to work through things and telling me how amazing I am, I have had to be a bit more harsh and tell him that I can’t be with someone with young kids because I don’t want the hassle, I feel really bad as I do really like him and if the situation was different then I would be giving it a shot. I need to put my teenagers and my mental health first though at the moment my mental health is taking a battering.

Might be seeing Mr ski at the weekend but feeling bad as I’m only really going to take my mind off Mr Snake and because I don’t want to be on my own this weekend.

I really need to pull myself together right now and keep busy with other things, I was in a pretty good place before meeting him so I need to get back to that and tell myself I don’t necessarily need a man in my life.

How obese? Like BMI over 30 or over 40 or 50?
I am BMI of about 31 I think so I do tend to date men around the same

happylittletree I think it would depend how overweight he was. I have been obese myself due to meds (BMI 31) so would not turn someone down for being somewhat over their optimum weight, which could be technically obese.

Bad as it sounds, I have to say that I dont think I would start a relationship with someone morbidly obese.

It's no kind of moral judgement but just the potential health risks to them would put me off. I also wouldn't get into a relationship with a regular smoker, a very heavy drinker or a drug user for the same reason.

a small number of my family members have been very obese and I have seen the health challenges they have faced at relatively young age. I'm just not sure i would risk that with a partner myself but then I do want a family.

Maybe that could change if I liked someone specific who was very overweight, certainly if he had started work to lose weight. Has this chap always been this size?

Happylittletree I prefer skinny men but find it harder to find them these days, I think many men get stuck in a rut when they are single and gain weight but it maybe something he wants to change in the future. I have dated a few larger men but I find it tricky in the bedroom as I’m quite small and I hate the feeling of being squished by a heavy man but there are ways around it. Go on the date and see how you feel.

Mr Snake is starting to get me to meet him, really don’t know what to do, I want to see him but also want to tell him that I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with him (I want to be able to see other people and not commit to anything long term), I guess it would be a a FWB type thing but I don’t think he can do that as he obviously has feelings for me.

@Lovemusic33 you would have no difficulty finding a willing FWB partner allowing you to have what you want. You are clear Mr Snake is not that and knowing he has feelings it would really be messy to keep things going with him.

Put you first - be selfish - it will also better for him because he has young kids, he needs to find someone that is 100% on board with that.

Yes, he has been big as long as I have known him. I think it would be a mistake to get involved with someone hoping they will change.

I'm guessing he's morbidly obese. He's very large.

I have responded with my number and saying that I've always wanted to be better friends. My going through a divorce and the fact that I said that I'm just easing into dating now should be enough of a red flag to let him know I'm not looking to rush into a relationship in any case.

I'm just looking for companionship at this point (I think), so I guess health risks aren't as much of a big deal for me in principle.

@Lovemusic33 I think if you're honest with him, it should be ok? Unless you're afraid that you will allow yourself to become involved in a relationship after all, and you know this isn't the right thing.

Hello! I have been reading for a while and I am tentatively joining in. My relationship ended at the start of the year (I was devastated) and then quite by chance met someone at a meet up who I dated for a short while. I ended it recently as it wasn't going to go anywhere sadly so now I'm back to single!
I'm in my mid 30s and have a child from a previous relationship and don't want anymore so I'm not in any rush from a biological point of view but I would love to meet someone to share my life with.
I'm not quite ready to try OLD again (too demoralising, I can't stomach the thought of pointless chats, disappointments and generally not actually fancying anyone anyway!) but I want to allow myself to be open to meeting someone organically if possible for now.
I may dip my toe back into the world of OLD eventually but for now I shall cheer you all on from the sidelines and hope Mr Right just happens to walk past my living room ;)
All my friends are coupled up and don't really understand so it'll be nice to have some support from people who do. The dating game is tough!

Welcome @WolfRun:) this thread is invaluable for me because I know no one in ‘real life’ that is dating so it’s great at a sounding board or even just to share excitement/ nerves about dates with people who get it!

Update: I'm going to meet the large man for a drink or something in the next week or two! We have always gotten along and I have been clear about where I am emotionally, so it's something to look forward to!

I will call him Mr Big.

@happylittletree nothing ventured nothing gained 😊 you could be pleasantly surprised when you meet -

@Lovemusic33 I think you have to back to prioritising what you want. And not what Mr Snake wants. If you would still want to see him then explain what that looks like for you. Or if you know that really you would just end it now do that. Your wants come before his.

On the size point you have to be attracted to someone. That doesn't mean they have to fit a mold, but they need to be attractive to you. My BMI is much more than my BFs. But I'm fitter.

I have a date tomorrow...not sure if it's a little soon as I'm still missing the other iron. He's not been in touch for 2 weeks though now so may as well get myself out.

A little nervous really, we will call him Mr Car.

I agree re: attraction. There has to be some attraction IMO.

So I'm meeting Mr Legal tonight for a walk. He's VERY keen and couldn't wait until tomorrow when we have a proper date in a restaurant planned.
I'm still unsure as he's so recently single but it's quite nice to be wanted and for someone to be so keen so I'm going into it with my eyes open and just going to enjoy myself and see what happens.

I’ve asked Mr Surprises if he fancies dinner out tonight. He’s going to let me know as he’s seeing grandma his brother’s family but doesn’t know if it’s day time or evening. Exchanged a couple of “what are you up to” messages but that’s it. I’m not that fussed today to be honest. Feeling a bit like I’m making all the running so I’m backing off and seeing if he comes to me

Thanks Notcool I’m unsure what I’m going to do right now, he has been texting today telling me what he’s doing and I haven’t really replied. For it to work he’s going to back off with the asking me what I’m up too and telling me everything he’s doing. I think he’s way more into me than I am him so that could be a major issue. I think I want to continue dating other people and not over invest in Mr Snake but he could make that tricky (then I will have to ditch him). I’m not sure if he’s expecting me to meet him tonight, if so I’m not sure if I will or not.

Hi all

Wondering whether I could ask for some OLD advice from those more experienced than me!

I've recently started OLD and been speaking to a number of guys over the weeks of lockdown - obv couldn't really meet so it has mainly just been chatting in the apps. Now lockdown is easing I've had the chance to physically meet up with some of my irons which has been amazing!

One date he was nice but nothing special, won't see again. One I met last Sunday and he was lovely- let's call him Mr Copper. Got on really well, made each other laugh, and ended up kissing A LOT by the end of the night. He's not my usual type physically and I wasn't as attracted to him initially as I thought but he definitely grew on me over the course of the evening! We've now got a second date on Saturday which I'm really excited about. I get the impression he's really into me and is looking for something long term and exclusive rather than being into multiple dating.

Now I have another iron - Mr Indie. Been talking to him for about the same length of time to Mr Copper and while he mentions that we will meet, he's not actually asked me out. I understood while nothing was open, but now we're able to get out a bit more, I would have thought he'd be a bit more keen to.

So here lies my question - Mr Copper is great, I enjoy his company and really look forward to getting to know him better. However I don't want to commit to anything without meeting Mr Indie. Is it ok to carry on dating Mr Copper while knowing I want to meet someone else?

And what should I do about Mr Indie?! I've dropped hints about meeting but he's still not asked me out. He seems keen on text and he tends to be the one to message me first and we have a great connection and loads in common. I can't wait forever for him to ask me though can I?

If you were in my position would you just to take the bull by the horns and ask him out instead of waiting to be asked?

Backonthehorse I would definitely just ask Mr indie if he fancies meeting up now its possible. If he makes excuses - that don't seem plausible - then you can put that one to bed and concentrate on other.

Agree with slothmomma- ask him

Hey @lovemusic33 me too , my ds is 17 , im not interested in spending time doing kids stuff anymore but my friends think im being harsh but i know what i want.