Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Dancerinthemoonlight
In my experience the more sex you have with the person the more you mould together better.

If you are using condoms I find they dry me up almost straight away and either I need to add extra lube which isnt great part way through or just accept the soreness.

I'm exclusive with someone now and weve had STI tests and so we dont use condoms but every so often I end up with soreness and I'm not sure what triggers it except I know I got drier and drier the longer the sex went on.

I find hours and hours of just PIV sex really boring and a turn off, I definitely need a lot of mixing it up.

@sortingitout getting it in was sore/slightly painful because I am so tight. It didn't seem to make a difference how wet or turned on I was. Once we got going it wasn't sore but it's more day after/afternoon after soreness. He is definitely not a one and done kind of a guy so I think it's probably just going to take awhile to get used to his size

@Dancerinthemoonlight in my experience your body gets used to it.

I'm narrow too dancer and it sounds like you're doing everything you can. Could you try some completely different positions? Also silicone lube (check compatibility with condoms if using) lasts much longer than water based for reducing friction.
If I'm having a sore moment I don't say 'hurry up' exactly but do warn & he doesn't hold back basically.

@nobloodyfighting he would be very up for trying different positions so I will suggest we mix things up. I don't think I noticed it last time so maybe I wasn't as lubricated this morning as previously as it was a quicky before he had to leave for work

I have a new iron from Tinder. He's another American but as I've already had a Mr America (or USA, can't remember what I named him now ) I'll call this one Mr Legal. Seems positive so far, he's been quick to arrange a date and book a restaurant. I'm not sure if I'm more excited about the date or eating out in an actual restaurant!

@30somethingandstillsingle when is your date with him. It's a huge positive that he seems very keen. I'm not sure what I'd be more excited about to be honest.

@Dancerinthemoonlight Saturday.
We only started talking today, and he's a very welcome distraction from Mr W.

@Dancerinthemoonlight great update.

Re: physical stuff agree you’ll get used to it after a while and (cough) might be a good idea to always go have a wee straight after and drink lots of cranberry juice/water as you might be at risk of honeymoon cystitis...You both seem good communicators so if you mention it to him he can help problem solve

All well here, got my front runner I think but early days yet?

Feeling a bit burnt out with the apps overall , had a massive WhatsApp row with an old iron yesterday (both of us winding each other up).

So think I might just not do much dating wise whilst keeping focussed on other stuff in my life and seeing how my front runner pans out. Without putting any expectations on it.

Have a few ok alternative contacts/chats on the go but generally feeling a bit “peopled out” after a month of lockdown dating.

@30somethingandstillsingle

Whoop whoop for restaurant

I need to update on my date with Mr Surprises today. He came over and I cooked us lunch. He cleaned up after us (Mega brownie points for that) This man does not disappoint me at all.
He is absolutely incredible in bed. Easily the best I have ever had and we’ve only done it twice. I can’t imagine what it will be like when we get to know each other better. I’ve been floating round in an endorphin haze all afternoon. Ive got to be careful now and not get carried away with myself. He left at 3 as I had to get my son (I’d have kept him hostage otherwise!) and I’ve just text him to say I’ve had a great afternoon and thanks for coming over. He’s not great at texting so I’m just going to leave it at that now and wait for him to reply. God dating is hard. I just want to tell him how awesome he is and how much I like him but I’m not a love bomber. I don’t think he’s much of an open feelings, romantic type either. It’s great to have you guys to talk about it all to

I think that’s my issue with multiple dating and OD - I end up with all these little social encounters that can be quite emotionally draining (especially with texting amplifying the emotional intensity).

I’m naturally introverted/empathetic and a low energy person so it’s hard! I don’t want to spend my days analysing someone I don’t know that well but the whole dating carousel does lead me down that mental health rabbit hole.

@Bunkbedpeople I will remember to drink lots of water thank you. Everything seems different with him. We both have the same communication style and preference, we seem to know what each other is thinking just by a look, can speak out minds freely. I look at him and I feel so happy and content. I don't know any other way of describing it than it just feels right and natural

Dancer it sounds perfect, enjoy! Lovehoney blog is good for position ideas too

Hey can I jump back in? I determinedly got back in the saddle after my heartbreak experience with Mr Beard and a weekend of sobbing in the bath to Amy Winehouse. I just don’t think I’m any good at this. I have a good hit rate. So many irons I need a spreadsheet to keep track. Some adoring ones who are my age, solvent, normal, pleasant. Obviously, because l am stupid have gone for a younger and dangerous one (Mr Maniac). And already fully expecting him to break my heart. I was so smitten from the first kiss. Am trying to talk myself out of him, and build walls. If I actually worked do a construction company I would be sacked. My boundaries are fucking non existent. He is beautiful. Charismatic. Successful. Has fucking Aspergers so can not empathise with me. Knock some sense into me folks, please. Was relying on my male best friend to talk me out of him. He looked at his profile and fell in love with him also 🙄

MrManiac 🤣🤣 great iron name!
Beautiful, charismatic and successful?? Sounds great @UtterSocks what could possibly go wrong 😉

Oh can I join the “slap me with a wet fish please be brutal and judgemental” self sabotaging bench please?

Along with @UtterSocks

My MrMilitary - fling late last year, sex obsessed and all over the place, laddish job, that toxic combination of occasional vulnerability which brings out my “oh I could SAVE him” side and self interest.

Massive toxic WhatsApp row yesterday which I’m not proud of.

I’ve had a good run of dating on the apps overall - got a nice date later this week with an attractive man who is a lot safer bet than MrMilitary ( I don’t mean he’s someone I have to force myself to be attracted to - objectively he’s handsomer and a more sorted, successful human being than MrMilitary)

And guess who I want make-up sex with now?

Loving all the positive updates today:)

@cravingthelook I hope you are doing ok?

Update from my date with Mr BlueEyes- O.M.G! It was fantastic :) he is even better looking in real life, he greeted me with a big hug, we walked around in the rain, had teas and chatted loads and then went for dinner.

He is such good company, interested in me, interesting to talk to - it’s funny I work for a government regulator type org and he works in the industry we regulate so we had to keep stopping the shop talk !
We kissed loads and it was hot! He wanted to take things further and I would have loved to but something held me back for now
I know I’m in too deep I can’t wait to meet again - I think he feels the same - hope he does

Been some lovely updates today, great to read 👌

@cravingthelook I hope you got through work ok today and been alright this evening.
Whoever said it before was right, you don't have to be the bigger person now you already have been! Talk to him when you're ready, not just because he's feeling uncomfortable. He already knows that's his own fault and that's why he doesn't know what to say.
If it still feels very raw then in the short term I would keep your distance if possible, otherwise your response is unlikely to be what your sensible head would tell you to say 😉

I'm just watching vampires and drinking wine.
Mr Swan said ... I'll message you later ... no message. I actually knew there wouldn't be but I hoped that he would find whatever pathetic words he needed. My bestie made me food and we popped to the shops. I also got contacted about a new job so I did the online assessment for it tonight.

Today has been the worst of all 51 days.

No message from Mr BeachHut today.

I'm just looking forward to Friday and spending time with Mr Tea

I'm just watching vampires and drinking wine.
Mr Swan said ... I'll message you later ... no message. I actually knew there wouldn't be but I hoped that he would find whatever pathetic words he needed. My bestie made me food and we popped to the shops. I also got contacted about a new job so I did the online assessment for it tonight.

Today has been the worst of all 51 days.

No message from Mr BeachHut today.

I'm just looking forward to Friday and spending time with Mr Tea

@cravingthelook I would put all thoughts of being the bigger person out of your head. It's easy to take the time to send a well thought out message rather than saying it face to face.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt (rather than assuming he doesn't care enough) it just seems to shine a spotlight on his lack of emotional intelligence and/or maturity. That doesn't mean I think you should do anything different, more that you shouldn't expect anything better from him, I don't think he's capable of it.
Hope day 52 is better, good luck with the job application and of course for Friday 👍

Bit of a pointless update but I chatted on the phone to Mr Legal tonight. We laughed and talked and before I knew it we had been talking for 2 1/2 hours! Even if nothing comes of it, what great 'company' he was for that time.

There is only one thing I am unsure of. He was raised and was up until a couple of years ago, a Mormon.
I'm not religious at all so I've been doing some googling. I think I'm going to have to ask him some questions about it tomorrow. As although he has left there must still be some things ingrained

@UtterSocks I read your post with interest! I do think see the positives in that you are getting back on the horse again and now you see there is plenty more fish in the sea. I think try and be aware of the signs early on though and don't put your eggs in one basket.

Re: Mr Maniac and him being Aspergers, it's occurred to me that of my few previous partners, one might have been on the spectrum, one definitely had ADHD and my most recent iron is definitely Aspergers. I now wonder if there is a pattern in what I like, maybe the emotionally unavailable, super intelligent types. And I'm wondering why they like me as I'm in no way as smart as them but I am nurturing and warm.