Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Monday update, Mr Van was here again yesterday and we seem to be doing pretty well. I don't like the build up to him getting here as I am always slightly doubtful that he's not going to appear, don't know why particularly, I think probably because we had the major hiccup back in February so I guess he has form.
But each time I have seen him since lockdown eased things have been easier each time. Last night he said we should go away somewhere in a few weeks. I know that I have feelings for him, not sure exactly what they are, but I am scared of being hurt. And sometimes it worries me that I am not allowing myself to fully enjoy it in the moment but worrying instead that it'll go tits up at any given moment.

Thanks for the advice. Will let you know how I get on!

@mummygoingitalone loved ur updates 😍

I have a new iron erm Mr Positive, only been chatting a few days but met yesterday. weather was terrible in Scotland so just went for a drive. I'd been holding back during chatting as didnt want to over invest. he is much better looking than his pics and seems really nice, we got on, had a kiss and both want to meet again.

my dilemma is... I had already arranged to meet an old iron that I keep in touch with (as friends with a sexual vibe) this saturday for a drink and some 'fun' that we'd spoken about 🙈 it's the first time I've ever arranged anything like that. I had just gotten myself ok with it, as it's not usually my thing. but now not sure I should if I've been chatting to someone else. it's only been a few days chatting but I think hes more interested in the relationship route which I'd like.

I'm hoping old iron cancels, however he helped me the other week when I was stood up and said it was rude etc so think he might make an effort to keep to the deal.

I'm torn, part of me thinks do it, it's fun then focus on the new iron? what's your thoughts?

@dancerinthemoonlight that sounds horrible. did you report him to police when it happened last year? could you give them an update? make sure to save screenshots etc

I agree with meeting early, I have spoken to people who I seem to get on great with via chat but meet once then they dissappear. Also I like to check they are who they say and that I generally get on before getting to involved in texting.

@dancemom I'm not sure if it's him who has sent me the messages today with another foreign SIM card or if he has given my number to someone.

@notcoolmum I did and got told "go ash your father bitch"

It's just beyond pathetic. If someone is not interested in you then just move on don't either keep harrasing them or posting their number somewhere so other people can

@unambiguousbeard I completely agree and well said. Dating is hard and all of us here who are actually dating are supporting each other through it. We aren't entertainment for married people. I don't mind previous posters on here popping up and sharing their success stories as that completely different as they have been through it and know how crap it can be at times.

@onesmallstep67 I don't know if it's the same one or not. He just sent me a dick pick and told me to suck it bitch 🙄 it looks familiar to one I have been sent before.

@crazycatlady20 it happened end of may/beginning of June. I'm just going to block and delete because I don't know their name. All I have is a foreign number to go off. I have gone to the police before about online harassment/bullying and they did nothing.

I'm just thankful that I'm thicker skinned than I used to be. Saying things like that to someone could really get to them. Hiding behind a foreign number with no profile pic is pathetic and I think he is just out to cause trouble. I can't be bothered and he isn't going to bring my day or week down.

Oh @Dancerinthemoonlight definitely sounds like the same person then. Can you report to the police? Does he know where you live?

Just read about dick pic. I'd def report to the police. Block that number. What an idiot. Sorry you are going through this.

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Sorry to hear that - I actually suspect it’s the original guy pretending to be someone else. Sadly it’s more common now - with technology a lot of people can post our personal details. A lot of people have experienced similar. I haven’t had identical from online dating but I think I once just had loads of anonymous late night heavy breathing phone calls which I think were from an online dating contact (and I hadn’t even had a confrontational date!)

As far as I’m aware the police have got marginally better on dealing with and understanding stalking over the last few years so there’s grounds for you to report, but of course I’d understand if you didn’t feel comfortable.

Like pps say keep a record, keep on telling people, make sure your social media is all on lockdown and is private etc. You’re not alone in this and the guy is just an abusive nutter.
Keep on living your life

@bunkbedpeople and @notcoolmum I'm going to talk to a friend who is in the police to see if it's something that should be reported or not. The language does seem very similar to the original man and that it's another foreign number. He is incredibly pathetic. I'm going to contact tinder to see if they can find out if my number is posted somewhere on there.
He doesn't know where I live. When I was on the apps I just told people I live in a village between x and y because it's a small village with not many houses and now most of the village knows me as they see me out on my daily walks and stop to say hello.

I'm seeing Mr Smile tomorrow so it's not going to bring my week down. Going to see him at least twice this week as we didn't get to see each other last week as he was on work visits. He does something to do with water in petrol so was on the road last week going to different places.

Glad he doesn't know where you live @Dancerinthemoonlight Good idea to ask your police friend. It must be him and I doubt your details are posted anywhere.

Feel like, in light of conversation about observers, I should be clear my position (given i dropped into a conversation a few pages back, but also said i was a lurker). I'm in a relationship (well, two, actually) but am poly and so still date. I've never really posted much on this thread before because i wasn't sure how much of that I wanted to put out there, but I have always found the advice on here really helpful, especially when i first ended my long term (monogamous) relationship and had to start dating basically for the first time as an adult. I hope I didn't add to the sense of 'being watched' with my posts to @cravingthelook.

I'm not actually dating at the moment - within our web of relationships we all decided that maybe now was not the time for introducing an extra potential viral vector, and managing existing relationships with social distancing rules has been hard enough - but I'm thinking about dipping my toe back in at some point....maybe later in the summer....

@wishfuldreamer I think the posts on here have been more aimed at the posts that have been saying they are boring and married so cheering on the daters from the sidelines and living through us.

please fuck off. If you haven't dated you can't offer advice or empathy

My thoughts exactly @unambiguousbeard.

If this thread makes such interesting reading to the happily married, I'd suggest there's something missing if you need to live vicariously through the lives of posters on here.

And no that isn't aimed at you @wishfuldreamer I also lurked for quite some time before plucking up the courage to post about myself. Wasn't sure if a bloke asking for advice would be particularly welcome, but happy to say it has been the complete opposite 👌

It’s an open forum so we have to assume a large number of people are always enjoying our triumphs and disasters in all sorts of ways, a lot of which are not exactly tasteful. I was more curious as to why these people felt the need to post. @wishfuldreamer has given an insight there, plus some smug married spectators may not feel they’ll be smug married much longer, so they need to do some research.

Thanks - i knew it wasn't specifically at me, but felt compelled to be clear. especially as i had mentioned a partner in a previous post, and figured it might not seem obvious so should be clear. I get that the sense of being watched for entertainment isn't much fun...

@mixedandproud have you forgotten what you said about why you wanted to join the thread? "I live vicariously through this thread us boring married’s need a bit of excitement?!

What you said is what was offensive. We don't need people living vicariously through us or being your entertainment. You can hardly say that is the same as posting good wishes.

Yesterday 14:58Sunnytimesahead

I've just discovered this thread. I'm a boring married but I hope you don't mind me tagging along, I like to hear about new romances, good luck to you all!

And @Sunnytimesahead we aren't here for your entertainment either.

Hi to everyone..am with the other posters about the married folk posting here
Can anyone advise on doing the whole ‘letting someone down gently’ thing -I’m not interested in taking things further with Mr Posh . He hasn’t been in touch since our date nor I with him but just want to close it off without ghosting.

I have another date on Wednesday with Mr BlueEyes which I am so looking forward to..we get on so well while chatting on phone and messaging so fingers crossed it translates into real life chemistry:)

@ZoZoBo if he's not been in Touch I'd let it fade. But if you need to box it off I usually say something like 'it was lovely to meet you the other night. I had a great time but sadly, for me, that evasive chemistry just wasn't there. Take care.'

I have a married friend who says she lives through me, but at the same time she is there for me to give help and advice etc, not just getting the gossip

I would just not bother sending anything really if it’s a mutual fade out! I just am unsure sometimes whether it opens the communication back up (bad experience talking here!)

I would report tinder creeps/harassment for sure Dancer. It’s horrible though I had that nasty message in April from like a 10 year ago date and it made me feel sick!

I keep having weird anxious thoughts about Mr M getting in touch on my birthday. I just wouldn’t put it entirely past him... he’s blocked anyway and I have no idea what he’s up to. Am pretty sure he would have a new woman by now and has forgotten about me hopefully and not around to cause any problems

Mr R is still lovely as ever, going at a nice pace. I’m not going to bring up too much sex stuff as I don’t want to pressure or rush him - like I said I think we are both having a good time so maybe it would just make things weird. I will play it by ear. Planning to spend some of my birthday with him later in the month which I am looking forward to. He’s doing well with trying to sort out his job/work situation and I helped him a little - staying positive is a good sign for me

@crazycatlady20, just picking up on your earlier post. Firstly great to hear that you had a good date. I would give it a day or two with Mr Positive and see if plans actually firm up for another date. And then if you feel it's right either be honest with the other iron who you are potentially lined up for some 'fun' with and say you are focusing on new man. You're not obliged to have sex with your friend because he was supportive. Maybe see him for a drink. I always read into your posts some similarities with me and I think ultimately you are looking for a commitment with someone. So sex with your friend now feels less appealing because your attention has been caught by the potential with Mr Positive

Thanks @Menora and @Notcoolmum I might just leave it and if he makes contact I will use exactly your wording notcoolmum! It’s kind but final!

I love hearing the positive stories like yours Menora and @MummyGoingItAlone -it makes me so happy that some people do have the lovely experiences we are all hoping for.

@Menora imo thats a sensible approach regarding the PE. Whilst I agree with notcool about not ignoring an elephant in the room, particularly if it's affecting both of you, the two scenarios described are quite different.
But... if he ever raises the topic or apologises when it happens, then don't shrug it off as insignificant. At that point he's admitting it bothers him and may be showing a willingness to discuss it.
If he does neither then he either doesn't think it's an issue, or isn't willing to openly admit it let alone talk about it. So tread carefully if that's the case.
Obviously all of the above is assuming that you're very happy in that department, if you're not then of course you should be talking about it.