Asking ex for a drink ..am I making a mistake?

[hallybe]

We got together and then he told me he just wanted to still see me but no commitment and he was sleeping with others.
I agreed but then he was sleeping around and I got jealous too many times.
I would shout at him.
He told me he wanted to end it because he was single and he was having chew like he was in a relationship.
We continued to text but he was telling me about girls he was sleeping with and I kicked off again and we fell out.
A month later he text me,we started speaking.
He still sleeps around (obviously not since Lockdown)
My feelings are still there
I want to ask him out for a drink
Should I ?
I miss him

Of course you shouldn’t.

You want a relationship with him. He doesn’t want a relationship with but he will use you for a convenient shag.

He sounds like a total treat, I can see why you want to go for a drink. What a delight.

Cider and side of clap please!

No. You really shouldn't.
He's only not sleeping with others because of lockdown.
Why would you put yourself through that again?

Hmm, what now? You can if you’re ok with the same situation continuing. If you’re not, which you’re not, then don’t.

I don’t get why you are confused on that score?

I wanted to spend time with him.
We get on so well,I thought he was wanting to be with me then out of the blue I found out he slept with another woman.
I'm always confused

Stop all contact with him, block him to stop him using you as a lazy ego boost. That’ll allow you to eventually move on and stop wasting time and energy on this drain.

I actually loved lockdown because he was in the house.
We were speaking every day and I thought he might have changed his mind.

Only if you can accept your spot in his harem, which it sounds like you can't.

I miss him

He was a wanker to you OP, he didn't give you what you wanted. Remember the hurt- you don't miss that.

Your feelings might be still there but you know how he feels and if you get back with him (not that you were even together as far as he's concerned) you're just signing yourself up to be hurt again.

He'll just string you along and use you for sex like he does with all the other 'girls.'

Not only does he not want a relationship, he actively likes rubbing what he is up to with other women in your face. I suggest you Google narcissistic triangulation because that is what that is.

If you are seeing someone and they get too attached when you still want to see other ppl, you stop seeing the first person. That's what's any decent human does. Only a total shit bag keeps stringing them along. And only sadistic scum also tells them about their escapades with other sexual partners.

He is deliberately cruel to you. He doesnt like you, he looks down on you and enjoys hurting you.

That's the sort of person you want to meet for a drink?

Rethink that!

There’s not really anything to be confused about - he’s consistently been clear he doesn’t want a real relationship and consistently been shagging around. He might have given false hope at times but it’s glaringly clear.

C'mon, OP!

You loved lock-down because he couldn't see anyone else.

The worst part of it all which made me loose my temper was ..he would say "Louise" wants me to take her on a date.
I asked if he was he said no.
Then she would be at his house.
Then he would come to mine and we would go for a meal and he would tell me the night before someone was over.
I hated feeling like I wasn't enough.
I wanted him to get rid of all of them.

He slept with other women. he treated you with zero respect. Why would you want to go back to someone like that?

and if you get back with him , he'll treat you worse - I've seen this happen.

Value yourself more and block him for ever.

If you stop contact you'll have the headspace to see this more clearly.

@hallybe

I wanted to spend time with him. We get on so well,I thought he was wanting to be with me then out of the blue I found out he slept with another woman. I'm always confused

There is nothing to be confused about. He has told you from the start that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

@hallybe

I actually loved lockdown because he was in the house. We were speaking every day and I thought he might have changed his mind.

That’s so sad. Even if he did ‘change his mind’ he’s be off shagging around within weeks max. I truly hope you can move on, wash this inadequate man out of your life and do so, so much better.

Just no, look forward not back!

Narcissistic triangulation.

They make you feel like you arent enough or good enough 'in comparison to...'. They play you off against other people.

Ew, where’s your self esteem? I would never allow myself to get in this position. From the first moment he said he doesn’t want a relationship you should have ended it as your wants are incompatible.

So basically no point asking for a drink?
Do you think it's because I'm not attractive enough to him ?

Christ alive, love. Is this how you want to be treated?

No, it’s nothing to do with your looks. It’s that he likes treating women like shit, and you’re prepared to let him do so.

Ignore him. He's not the issue, here. The issue is why you want to be with someone who treats you poorly, and leaves you feeling horrible.

'We get on so well' isn't an answer. Most people in abusive relationships have got there because their abuser is nice to them sometimes, or often. People don't fall in love with people who abuse them constantly.

So, can you answer the question 'Why do you want someone who makes you feel like crap?' If not, invest in counselling.

But definitely ignore him. Miss him, feel awful about it, if you must. This will still be better than getting involved with him.