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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Asking ex for a drink ..am I making a mistake?

124 replies

hallybe · 27/06/2020 15:05

We got together and then he told me he just wanted to still see me but no commitment and he was sleeping with others.
I agreed but then he was sleeping around and I got jealous too many times.
I would shout at him.
He told me he wanted to end it because he was single and he was having chew like he was in a relationship.
We continued to text but he was telling me about girls he was sleeping with and I kicked off again and we fell out.
A month later he text me,we started speaking.
He still sleeps around (obviously not since Lockdown)
My feelings are still there
I want to ask him out for a drink
Should I ?
I miss him

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 28/06/2020 11:07

@hallybe
If you want to let this go, you can. It might not be easy, but you can do it.

You may have feelings for him but guess what, he doesn't have feelings for you.
He doesn't have feelings for anyone further than getting his dick wet.

A real relationship isn't one sided. Both people truly like each other and treat each other with respect.

Take out your phone and block him everywhere.

Open up notes on your phone. Make a list of the 10 - 20 worst things he's ever done or said to you. Then make a new screen and pin it there.

Every time you think about contacting him or making any excuse for him, open that list and read off each thing.
After each item, say to yourself, and this is how he truly is and he'll never change.

Read it as many times as you have to until the urge to contact him goes away.
If you still feel like it, come post here instead.

Sign up for the Freedom Programme.

hallybe · 28/06/2020 12:29

I have just blocked him on everything
He's totally gone this time

OP posts:
hallybe · 28/06/2020 12:33

He sent me a picture this morning in bed with a woman.

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 28/06/2020 12:43

Good riddance.

hallybe · 28/06/2020 13:11

It was the same woman he was ignoring a few days ago

OP posts:
cheeseaddict420 · 28/06/2020 13:15

omg op its like he literally hates you, who would send a pic of a woman like that?? only someone who wants to taunt you and be horrible to you. are you stalking him or something?? he really seems to want to get you away from him. take the hint! i feel embarrassed for you. pls get help!

cheeseaddict420 · 28/06/2020 13:20

oh sorry i didn't see that you had already blocked him! well done. please still get help though. don't let another person treat you like he has.

backseatcookers · 28/06/2020 13:22

OP.

Are you going to book counselling?

You need to or you'll unblock him and start this madness again.

hallybe · 28/06/2020 13:37

I'm not stalking anyone
He's done this before
Sent a pic of me to another girl
Sent a pic in bed with a girl to a previous girl he was dating
I thought I was different

OP posts:
hallybe · 28/06/2020 13:37

I am going to look into CBT I've heard good things

OP posts:
Crystalspider · 28/06/2020 13:44

Good you've blocked, now delete off your phone and never go back

jellybeans44 · 28/06/2020 13:48

OP I implore you to read Women Don't Owe You Pretty by Florence Given. I think it would really help you. Please read it.

midnightstar66 · 28/06/2020 13:54

You said earlier that you were trying to make yourself perfect but he goes and shags some random skank. What's to say these 'random skanks' arent desperately trying to do the same and feels like that about the rest of you. The good thing is this guy is not just telling you who he is, he's waving it about with flags and bells on, he's not even pretending to be a good guy and you being special or different is in your mind only. You aren't as he's not capable of actual feelings of that kind. Not your fault or any of the other women. Keep him blocked and read some of the things suggested!

NoMoreDickheads · 28/06/2020 13:56

I have just blocked him on everything. He's totally gone this time

Yay! Well done! Please keep it that way.

He sent me a picture this morning in bed with a woman.

So, you see what he's like now? He enjoys hurting you- there's no reason to do that than to hurt you, and I suppose to tell you he has no intention of having a real relationship with you.

are you stalking him or something?? he really seems to want to get you away from him.

@cheeseaddict420 She isn't stalking him at all. He's chatting her up/leading her on and then sending this stuff. Because he enjoys hurting OP/women in general but also likes to keep them at his beck and call, and see what they'll put up with.

LemonFanta123 · 28/06/2020 13:59

Girl find your self worth!!! You don’t need this poor excuse of a man in your life!

Minniee · 28/06/2020 14:24

Don't ever unblock him.

He's an evil man and will bring no one any happiness.

hallybe · 28/06/2020 15:02

Thankyou for all you suggestions
Thanks for the book recommendations too
I'm determined not to unblock this time.
He's cruel
I'm so pleased I didn't text asking for a drink
I would have felt like such an idiot

OP posts:
LJenn · 28/06/2020 15:15

Just read through the thread very quickly. Wow what an arsehole. So cruel. Why would anyone send that?😞😞 I wonder is this woman even aware he's sending pics of them to someone else? Creep🤬🤬. Stay clear of him OP, you'll find someone who wants YOU x

Dery · 28/06/2020 15:43

Good for you, Hallybe. You've taken on some tough love messages in this thread. Keep yourself for a man who truly values you (and shows it through his actions, not just talk which is cheap) and in the meantime enjoy being gloriously single. The world is your oyster! Onwards and upwards.

Neepers · 28/06/2020 15:48

Get this on your playlist!

AnnaNimmity · 28/06/2020 17:29

God he sounds awful. Blatant triangulation.

Well done OP. Stay strong. He'll be back. x

nancybotwinbloom · 28/06/2020 18:48

Good for you op xxxxx

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 28/06/2020 18:53

Perfect song!

I knew a lad like him when I was much younger. He died a lonely drunk.

Starsabove1 · 29/06/2020 19:35

Well done @hallybe - how are you feeling today?
One book I found really useful was ‘Mr Unavailable and the Fall back girl’. Wasn’t nice to realise how desperate some of my behaviour was to keep my asshole’s attention but it did make me mad. So mad! And once you get mad you start to see how not worth your time or affection these men are.

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