I’m a family law barrister - AMA

[Paperlantern123]

It’s a sweltering Friday in lockdown, my work is all done for the day, and I though this might be a fun thing to do while I lie on my sofa drinking an iced coffee and trying not to melt! I’ve seen them done before and they look quite interesting

I’m a fully qualified barrister in London, specialising in private children matters, matrimonial finance, and domestic violence. I’d like to think I’m the proverbial MN Shit Hot Lawyer (TM) but you’d have to ask my clients...

I would be happy to answer any questions you might have - about my job, my experiences of working in family law, etc. I can’t offer specific advice, because so much varies from case to case, but I can certainly try and offer general guidance. Go on, ask my anything!

@HopelesslydevotedtoGu - I do some pro bono work, but can’t say that I have ever offered a ‘free half hour’! That could be because I’m a barrister though - clients only come to me when they have already instructed a solicitor, and the solicitor instructs me on their behalf.
Yes, there have been times where what my client wants is not something that I believe is in the best interests of the child. I have told them this, explained why the court are unlikely to order it, and strongly advised them to take an alternative path. We usually talk about it as having to ‘sit on’ the client. Ultimately however, I have to present the case that they want me to, even if I know it’s doomed.
I’m not sure what could be done to make the process easier or fairer to litigants in person - the system has to be applied consistently. I think already, judges already go too far in their concessions to LiPs to be honest. I would advise a LiP to speak to a legal organisation or charity to try and have a better understanding of the process first.
Judges reaching the wrong decision... not all that often. There are some judges colleagues and I privately think are mad. There are some decisions I would make differently. But it’s rare for them to get it totally, totally wrong.

What are your thoughts on emotional abuse in well-educated/UMC households?

Do courts really take it seriously?

Is it usually better for the abused spouse to leave it out of the proceedings and try to negotiate as well as possible?

What impact do you think it has on any custody dispute where there is no solid evidence of abuse to a child who is too young to really express themselves (say 3 years old)

@YgritteSnow So am I right in understanding that there were never any financial remedy claims? The DN and DA were granted, but neither party ever issued a financial remedy claim on Form A? If so, the finance claims remain open. I suggest you seek legal advice as to whether that would be a way to get your desired result, though.

@AgeLikeWine

Hi OP, would you ever advise a person (woman or man) who owns significant assets, eg property, to marry someone who owns none?

Well, from a strictly legal point of view, probably not. But the reality is that we can’t live our lives with a strict eye on what’s in our best legal interests should the relationship end...

@PAND0RA

How do you cope with representing a client when what they what is legal but ( in your opinion) immoral ?

Eg a client who hides assets to impoverish his children or ex or who avoids supporting his children, moves assets off shore or goes ‘ self employed ‘.

If I knew that the client had hid assets, I would either have to inform the court, or stop acting for that person. I have to represent the client to the best of my ability and act on their instructions, but my primary duty is to the court, and so if I’m being instructed to act in a way that I know would be dishonest (e.g. not say that there are assets are abroad, misrepresent my client’s income) then I would have to cease to act for them.

Yes you're right. Nothing except a divorce with DA issued. It has been two years. I don't really care about financial support as he'd make life a living hell but I would like to have my home in my name only. Thank you for replying to me

What are the chances of a man with a history of DV and reduced custody, getting an increase in custody to 50/50?

@dellacucina

What are your thoughts on emotional abuse in well-educated/UMC households?

Do courts really take it seriously?

Is it usually better for the abused spouse to leave it out of the proceedings and try to negotiate as well as possible?

What impact do you think it has on any custody dispute where there is no solid evidence of abuse to a child who is too young to really express themselves (say 3 years old)

I do believe that courts take emotional abuse seriously, regardless of the parties’ backgrounds, but as with coercive control, the problem is evidencing the allegations. EA can be subtle, and it rarely leaves a trail. As for whether it should be included in proceedings - it depends what proceedings you mean. I would say it is rarely relevant in financial remedies proceedings (it would fall under ‘conduct’, which is very rarely something that the court will consider) but of course it would be very relevant in DV or children proceedings. The court, assisted by CAFCASS, will do the best they can when there are allegations of abuse involving very young children, but as you note, this can be extremely difficult.

This is a great thread by the way. Thank you for starting it

What do you honestly think of CAFCASS? My experiences with them both personally and professionally have been poor. Are they highly regarded by those in the legal profession?

Hello Paperlantern,

I have been called to give evidence and would like to not attend but could I be forced to? also with regards to traveling would I be expected to pay for travel for my partner?

@HatRack

What are the chances of a man with a history of DV and reduced custody, getting an increase in custody to 50/50?

The court’s guiding principle in any children case is ‘what is in the best interests of the child?’ This will mean considering a wide range of factors. I’d want to know how old is the child, what are the current child arrangements, how serious was the DV, how long ago was it, and was the child exposed to it, what are the children’s wishes and feelings, what are the man’s reasons for increasing contact... So many pieces of the puzzle, so I’m afraid I can’t give you a specific answer. But those are the factors a court would be looking at.

@YgritteSnow

This is a great thread by the way. Thank you for starting it

Thanks, I really appreciate it! Of course, as soon as I started this thread, my work inbox exploded, so I’m struggling to keep up... I’ve moved from iced coffee to Pimm’s haha!

Thank you

@LilyLocket

What do you honestly think of CAFCASS? My experiences with them both personally and professionally have been poor. Are they highly regarded by those in the legal profession?

I think they try their best, but the reality is that they are overstretched and underfunded. I had a trial recently where the family had experienced so much delay (as in, almost 2 years) and had an endless parade of different CAFCASS workers as people kept leaving... I am increasingly seeing people with more funds essentially ‘going private’, by paying for an independent social worker, rather than experience this. Sometimes CAFCASS recommendations can be fantastic, sometimes they can be insane. The key thing is that they are only ever recommendations - a good, experienced judge will cut through them if needed.

What is the most effective way to get the ex spouse, a much higher earner, to pay maintenance for his son- he currently pays £200 a month, which is ridiculous as he lives with me and only sees him once every two weeks if that. He shuts me down every time I bring it up and I do not know what my rights are or what to ask the solicitor

@HopelesslydevotedtoGu

Do you think some Judge's can tell when a Barrister is representing a client who the Barrister actually finds abusive/ reprehensible/ unreasonable? Does it show in the Barrister's demeanour and does this affect the Judge's decision?

Are you assessed on how many cases you win, and if you win any difficult cases? e.g. if you won a case where probably the decision should have gone against you, does that add to the Barrister's prestige and status?

I think there are certainly times when the judge is well aware that the barrister is being made to argue a point that they know is weak, irrelevant, etc. I have certainly had times where I have strongly advised a client not to argue a particular point, they have insisted that I do, the judge has challenged me on it (as I predicted) and I have to argue something I know is ridiculous. There are times when all you can say to the judge is ‘well, sir/madam, those are my instructions.’ And I think everyone knows that’s code for ‘I have to make this point, so I have, but I have nothing to support it with.’ I’m not assessed by anyone, but obviously my reputation is my greatest asset - if I win a particularly difficult case, the solicitor is far more likely to think well of me and instruct me again in the future. If I ‘lose’ a case, I don’t think it goes against me as such, because solicitors know that some cases are unwinnable, but they would want to see that I have done everything I could. If I didn’t bother, I wouldn’t surprised if they didn’t instruct me again.

If you suspect a young child is being emotionally abused (age 4) by the other parent, how can you evidence this for court? Are things like diaries of behaviour or statements relevant? An assessment by an independent child therapist?

@LilMissRe

What is the most effective way to get the ex spouse, a much higher earner, to pay maintenance for his son- he currently pays £200 a month, which is ridiculous as he lives with me and only sees him once every two weeks if that. He shuts me down every time I bring it up and I do not know what my rights are or what to ask the solicitor

I would start by using the Child Maintenance Service calculator to see if what he is paying is a reasonable amount. If he’s paying less, I would present him with the calculation, and use it as a bargaining chip to try and negotiate a larger sum and make an agreement between you. If he won’t budge, you can apply to the CMS - they will then take control of the assessment. If he is an extremely high earner, you might think of Schedule 1 proceedings, but you would need specific legal advice on this - it is a costly application, and may not be proportionate.

@greysome

If you suspect a young child is being emotionally abused (age 4) by the other parent, how can you evidence this for court? Are things like diaries of behaviour or statements relevant? An assessment by an independent child therapist?

It’s difficult to say without more information as to what your suspicions are. But I think keeping a record of their behaviour before and after contact, any disclosures they make, etc. would be helpful. I would also consider if the school/nursery had any concerns or had noticed any difference in behaviour. It’s very difficult, as children that young are so impressionable, and so you have to tread very lightly.

@MyCatHatesEverybody

I often read on Mumsnet that situations regarding child arrangements have changed in that dads are now granted 50/50 access unless there's a safeguarding issue or similar. How true is this in your experience as IRL I still see EOW as being the default arrangement?

The presumption is that contact with both parents is in the best interests of a child, but I don’t think it follows that there is a presumption that a shared care arrangement is always in a child’s best interests. Particularly if the parents have a very difficult relationship, I think judges are reluctant to order shared care - how can you expect them to effectively co-parent? I still think that EOW, and 1/2 midweek overnights, tends to be the norm - and in reality, is more doable for most parents.

@Paperlantern123

What is your hourly rate plus VST?
Where does that sit in the charging range for similar barristers?
What is the typical bill for a contested financial case that gets either near court or is settled at court?

Ask as I see these questions a lot on MN

Thanks.

@wewereliars

If a party to schedule 1proceedings breaches an undertaking to pay back money, what is the Court realistically likely to do and is the debt counted like a county court debt would. ie is it a court of record so would impact their credit rating? thanks in advance

Sorry , your message got lost a bit! Breach of an undertaking would constitute a contempt of court, and so the party expecting to receive payment could return the matter to court to enforce payment. There are various methods of enforcement: a third party debt order, garnishing of wages, committal to prison(!!!), appointment of a receiver... It really depends on the circumstances, and so I can’t be specific I’m afraid.

Do you ever see cases where the wife has left the family unit, and is she required to pay maintenance in the same way as we are used to seeing absent fathers (sometimes not) paying?

I have never heard of a woman paying maintenance and I wondered if women are legally exempt or have less high expectations put on them?

What are the most common reasons you see for divorce?