If you are the more conventionally attractive partner, are you happier?

[HotSince82]

My mum always told me half jokinglynever to marry a man who is objectively better looking than me. Admittedly she had her fingers burned with my very physically attractive but rather objectionable philandering father. Conversely, my stepdad who was absolutely nothing to look at but a thoroughly lovely man, treated her extremely well, sort of worshipped her really. They were blissfully happy until he sadly died ten years ago.

Do you think my mum's theory holds any weight? Are you treated better on the whole by men who aren't quite as attractive as you?
Do attractive men think they have more leverage in a relationship and therefore treat you less favourably?

What a great thread. I don't know what my opinion on this is!

Yes I know what you said.

I would agree there are differences but i disagree with you on the reasons.

Levels of ogling /staring differ massively around the world. If it's innate in men and they can't help it, how can this be?

Women ogle men all the time.

Difference is they're subtle about it.

I have a very good looking work colleague and when on the tube loads of women and girls covertly check him out.

Hey, its fine if you disagree I have no vested interest in convincing you. There are lots of scientific studies which have been conducted on the subject.

My dh is more attractive than me first thing in the morning. When I am wearing make up we are on an even keel.

Those that say they are better looking than their spouses/partners- is this in your natural state or after applying make up?

I'm bothered about you going along with the idea it's natural for men to ogle girls.

I definitely check out men!

Anyway, I'd say DP and I are about equal, slightly better than average. Attractive but not really pretty or beautiful per se. DP thinks he's ugly but really isn't. I rarely think about our looks at all.

I have a very good looking male friend who turns loads of heads but he's lazy and entitled and a bit of a spoiled princess which is highly unattractive.

I have dated men from not so good looking to easy on the eye. My experience is the not so good looking guys did not worship me at all - in fact they were over confident.

Its natural for men to notice attractive women and to look at them, yes.

Why does this bother you?

Girls

Yes it bothers me

It certainly did when I was a schoolgirl

Why do you think so little of men?

Why are you mentioning girls?

This thread discusses adult relationships, not men looking at schoolgirls. I don't know why you have conflated the two tbh.

She was right. We're about equal - both sevens I would say 😀 - but my mum was definitely out of my dad's league and they're extremely happy. I dated up in my teenage years but I was annoying as everyone tried it on with him all the time 😂

Because you said men were visually stimulated and I said that's used as an excuse for them to ogle women and girls and you said yes they can't help it why do you think there's porn.

It's a weak argument that excuses behaviour that makes women and girls feel uncomfortable or scared.

You haven't explained why if men are men and can't help it, the prevalence of this is different in different countries.

You haven't acknowledged that women check out men but are waaay more subtle about it.

Why women push this idea that men can't help staring/ ogling and what can you do, I have no idea.

My dh in my opinion is better looking. Beautiful face green eyes tan skin and great shape, He has no confidence he was so shy when we first started dating he thought I was the best looking girl he ever seen. We would have been even looks wise at start but he has aged better. So I dont think that is the case dh is the kindest wittiest man that I would trust with my life. When I put makeup on and dress up we might be equal.

You aren't reading what I am writing. I never said men 'can't help ogling girls'

I didn't mention ogling at all.

I stated that men are visually stimulated and therefore are likely hypothetically to place greater emphasis on a woman's looks when choosing a partner for a LTR.

I have acknowledged that women appreciate physically attractive men.
It was never my point that they don't.

I don't know who you are conversing with here, but respectfully and kindly, I don't think it is me.

Well if you say that men are visually stimulated and women aren't and use the fact of porn/ lap dancing etc to back it up without acknowledging the massive historical and social issues around it and the detrimental effect this has on lots of girls women but you know men can't help it, then expect to be challenged.

Oh just go back and read what I actually wrote. Properly.

I am not about to provide explanations for things which I haven't written. I'm sure somebody holds the opinions you seem to have a problem with so go and find them and 'challenge' them.

Goidnight.

I'm sorry to have to advise that you can't tell people not to post if you don't like what they say

I wouldn't want to be with a really really good looking guy however they are pretty rare. Although beauty is in the high of the beholder, look at some of the threads on here about celebs posters find attractive, some are very odd.

I know a few men who are very conventionally handsome think perfume ad men & women are quite outrageous in their behaviour towards them. Whoever said women aren't visual must have been an ugly man!

I don't have a partner but.. A man walked past my house recently and told me that my dog was attractive.
Does that count 🤣

Where exactly have I told you not to post?

You are either very drunk, or.....

Well I'm going to presume that you are drunk as that seems kindest.

Good night Shiny.

@Livandme you must have a most visually attractive dog, lucky you

Well, you said goodnight... And you haven't gone!

No I'm not drunk :/

I'm a bit surprised at your total adherence to the idea that men are way more visual than women though, considering the fact that this is used to excuse all sorts of poor behaviour

It's not about looks, even unattractive men can be entitled.
It's about attitude. My first husband was not the most attractive man, but he cheated on me for years before I found out.
I suppose I'm quite attractive, but generally date men I'm attracted to and they are attracted to me. I've never actively sought to date men who are not as good looking as me. Attraction is more complex than just looks, for me anyway

My parents were a very handsome couple, and the on,y advice my mother gave me was to buy my own house, and not have more than one child.