@HatRack
Do you think these men ever change? I fled a year ago with our toddler. I know he abused his ex before me (seen the court documents). I strongly suspect he has a new gf now. Would he be abusing her too? Or has being dragged through court by two different women changed his ways? What are the chances?
No Hatrack, I don't believe they do.
The reason why I say this is, as I was in a relationship post divorce and I was on high alert for red flags. So I asked a lot of questions, I have to say though, that many were never answered. But because of this I found out quite a lot about my exs ex wife. I was told she has bipolar, was admitted on numerous occasions to clinics as she overdosed on meds once, then became addicted to others all during the course of their marriage. She slept 90% of the day and their break up happened when she told her daughter about unwanted sexual events, and her daughter messaged him to say to stay away from her mum, and he went off it.
So of course all of this was imbedded in my mind so I was on the lookout for any signs. He told a very tragic story of how bad his life was with her etc.
She blocked him and then one day said to me, guess who unblocked me.. I knew he was referring to his ex, so I asked how she was (I just knew he would msg her when he saw he was unblocked) and he showed me the msg and it was a bit mumbled like someone drunk would text, to which he said she is off her face again. But then he said there's a train wreck waiting to happen as she had apparently gone off her bipolar meds. So every now and then I'd ask him how she was doing, (out of genuine concern) and he'd say she seems fine. Anyway to cut a long story short I found out via a different mutual friend that she is indeed off her meds and in fact is doing very well. I just find it very odd that a woman when in a relationship was so badly in need of medication, but the moment she broke off the relationship, she no longer needed them. I had a year with him and he was starting to break me down and I was on high alert for things that were off. She was with him for 10 years or so, and on so many different medications that she couldn't even function in the day. Yet not even 6 months later she was meds free and seemingly on a good path, and yes still single. I did try to get some info out of him as I really wanted to contact her, but if I asked where she was living now, any info like that, then he knew nothing. But I could see from msg threads that he was messaging her a lot. It didn't bother me at all, but I see now he was keeping in contact as that is what they do. He is doing it with me right now in fact, keeping his options open. Anyway what she accused him of which he vehemently denied, he did the same to me and that is when I ended it. I know she was telling the truth and he of course denied it. I would love to get in touch with her but she has no sm whatsoever. I think this relates to the relationship as he would always question me as to why my active status etc was turned off on mine.
Sorry that was a very long reply to say that no, in my opinion they don't change. I am probably being spoken about in the same way now, that she was.
I think about her a lot tbh, and I hope that she realises now that she was being very abused and can move on from this too.