I need help I have kids scared to leave my partner

[lovemychildren27]

Hi everyone just looking for some advice or someone who's been in a similar situation I have kids and have been with my partner for a long time but I'm scared of him I no this isn't right but I don't no what I can do about it please if anyone can help me out thanks

Rooting for you to get our quickly and safely OP x

*out

I tried to get out this morning got ready and said I was going shops there was stuff I needed and he said leave the kids here I’m not going any where so I’m trying to be patient hope he is going to go out in abit feel so tired now

Also I’ve been trying to act normal so he doesn’t become supisous I’ve done everything as normal made food done the washing give the kids activities to keep them occupied I’m really starting to panick but trying to stay calm and positive thanks everyone I am reading all replies thank you all so much

Does he go to the pub? Maybe he’ll go now they’re open?

OP why didn't you go and phone the police or a domestic abuse organisation and ask for help? If you go to Boots you can use their consultation room to make as many phone calls as you want. The police will advise you on what to do.

If he's still willing to look after the children then go and make some calls. If you get through to the National Abuse Helpline they will try to find a refuge space for you.

What is your plan? Where are you planning on taking all your children? As far as I know, you have nowhere to go.

You can find your nearest Boots here.

Oh my love. You sound so frightened but once you get out with the kids you will be free of this fear. I deal with women from your community a couple of times a month in similar circumstances and they are often moved hundreds of miles to keep them safe. It can be done, you just need to take the next step to start that path to freedom. It's not easy but it will be so much better for you than the half life you have now.

Ok so we ha e boots
Call police
Wa possibly free travel

What about a night safe maybe in a hotel then present homeless??
So many refuges full but they will give numbers for potential places xxx

Councilworker You are right I am frightened I’m frightened what will happen if I do go I can’t even describe all the thoughts that are going through my head I’m trying to act normal he’s still in the house now

Stay strong your opportunity will come. You are doing well, you can do this. We're here for you.

I hope so I’m starting to feel stupid like I can’t do this and I’m getting so much good advise everyone I’m sorry for keep Moaning I’m upstairs now pretending to go asleep so will see what happens

I feel like a failure I’m sat here can’t stop thoughts going on in my head all the things I need to do but just too afraid to take the step

OP you are not even a little bit stupid. You are brave and doing something incredible for your kids and yourself. You can do this. I know you’re worried about the next steps but there is help out there to keep you and your kids safe. We are all rooting for you.

Thanks I hope I can starting to feel like An idiot thanks for all your replies

You are NOT an idiot or a failure, you are very scared mum! We can all hear your fear in every post. You are an amazing strong incredible woman! You can do this.

I echo these lovely people

What a brave strong person you are !!

Happiness is around the corner
Peace and freedom
Trust me

It feels great as scary as it will ev now and in the next few days and weeks

Thanks everyone again for replying I’m still awake thinking everything through in my head hopefully I will be brave enough to go when I have a secure plan set for me and the kids

You’re not stupid for feeling frightened.

Thank you everyone I haven’t managed to get out I’m still here but thanks everyone for still supporting me through all this I think I’m going to have to have a proper plan set in place to be able to do this it’s not going to be easy

You are doing fine considering all of this !!

What day this week could he be away for maybe 1-2 hours?

When he goes
Wait half an hour
My ex used to come back right away to check I wasn't packing up

When it feels safe get the kids together and have all your stuff close by - one bag max maybe??
Then call taxi
If you can get a hotel
I know it is not easy
Or get taxi to train ??

Sorry just thinking out loud here
I found that waiting for WA to get back to me and others took a while
For me I had to flee with one bag and baby and have my own just in case plan without relying on staying with others

You can do this

Thanks that what I am thinking I will try and plan and get out and as far away as I can as safely as possible without him realising obviously if I come in danger or suspect anything is gonna happen before then I will have to just get out as fast as I can he’s in a really bad mood today so I’m walking on egg shells abit feeling like I could just sit down and cry but I haven’t I’m staying as strong as I possibly can and thank you

You are doing so well

Stay strong...good luck

You really are doing well, just remember to act as normal as possible so as not to arouse his suspicions. A plan is a good idea, is there any set thing he does weekly, such as see a friend or spend time at family or work etc? It's good to look for the patterns so you can see when it might be a good time to leave. I know it's scary as hell, but you and your children deserve so much better.

OP this post is very frustrating. The plan to 'get as far away as possible' is the most dangerous thing you can do because you're just taking your vulnerable children and running away to who knows where.

I'm very surprised that none of the domestic abuse organisations or refuges you've been emailing over the past few days have got back to you. It's very remiss of all of them and very surprising.

The reason you've been advised to contact a domestic abuse organisation is because they will help you to a. find somewhere to go and b. help you plan it.

You and a load of children booking into a hotel or whatever is pretty identifiable if he has people out looking for you. Then where are you going to go?

My advice to you is to tell him you're going shopping tomorrow and make some calls. If you have a car, (you haven't mentioned if you have or not) you can call from the car. Call the National Domestic Abuse helpline and they can search for a refuge for you. They can help you to make a safety plan and they can advise on the best way to leave.

If you cannot get in contact with the helpline (they can be difficult to get in contact with) then call any of the domestic abuse organisations you have contacted from the link. I'm posting it again here. They will do the searching for you and if they can't find anything, they will advise you on how best to leave safely.

Your other option is what you did before. Tell him you have an appointment somewhere and, if he waits outside, that's great. Ask whoever you're with to help you or use the opportunity you're away from him to make some calls.

Here's the helpline: 0808 2000 247

Other ways of getting help: contact social services, GP, hospital, police, school - all of those organisations have links to services who can help.