I need help I have kids scared to leave my partner

[lovemychildren27]

Hi everyone just looking for some advice or someone who's been in a similar situation I have kids and have been with my partner for a long time but I'm scared of him I no this isn't right but I don't no what I can do about it please if anyone can help me out thanks

Hope you’re doing ok. I know it’s hard to even get a moment to speak to any refuge.

What about An appointment at the GP take the kids in with you??
ASAP hopefully tomorrow ??

The only reason I said hotel is that if you wait and wait it could only get worse
It took ages for organisations to get back to me

Refuges are mostly full
But again don't let this put you off as they will point you in right direction

OP, could you email you GP and explain your situation? Get an urgent appointment on Monday? Others have suggested the GP can help find you somewhere to go. You wouldn’t necessarily need to bring the kids to get the ball rolling. You need someone to help looking for a refuge for you and the GP could be a good first step. Do you get any time away from your partner at all?

Yes agreed gp can act fast

Some GPs are part of the IRIS (Information and referral to improve safety) scheme which is where all staff have had special DV training and will know what to do in an emergency. They will have close links to local dv service who will be able to help you.

You are not stupid. You have been traumatised by the very person who was meant to protect and love you. You are going to get through this. I really don't think you need to think about what happens afterwards. You just need to leave safely. The fear that you are in is leaping from your posts and it will be really clear to the police and women's services that you need to leave and be protected. I don't think that you will get these plans in place whilst you are simply trying to stay alive and safe. You can work with the agencies once you have left. Sending you hugs and strength

OP, I am not an expert or experienced in these things, but honestly, if you get any time away from him I would ring 101 and say you need help. Tell them you can’t talk easily, give them your email address if need be so they can send you instructions and listen to their advice. They can help you with those steps for leaving safely and hopefully even somewhere to go, even if it’s temporary. The rest can be dealt with later. If your in danger ring 999. I hope you’re ok.

Thinking of you tonight op. Stay calm, stay strong. You will need to keep your nerve and keep up your strength for when your opportunity comes. Try to eat and sleep and rest as best you can whilst you are on such high alert.
You can do this.

Hi everyone that’s for all your replies and I’m so that I’m being so frustrating with this thread I’m feeling really rubbish all day yesterday and last night I feel like my nerves are shattered all I am doing is thinking and thinking it’s really not helping.

I don’t no if you no what I mean but do you just ever get that gut feeling that something is going to happen that’s how I feel my hands are shaking
I feel lost overwhelmed and scared

Deep breaths. What’s going to happen is you’re going to get out. Soon. You can do this. Can you get any time away from him at all? Even for an hour? Half an hour?

Don’t feel pressure from this thread, dear OP. We are here to support you, not force you to do anything you are not ready for.

I’m so so sorry you are having to live like this.

Where do these men get off thinking they are fucking King of The Castle and can threaten and terrify the person they have promised to love and care for?

Trust your instinct. You are doing great protecting yourself and your children. One day at at time. He sounds like an absolute monster. We should create a MN task force of burly ex soldier types to go round the country and give these men a taste of their own medicine.😀

Keep thinking. Prep as much as you can. Your opportunity will come. I hope the agencies prove more helpful. You are not alone.

Yeah I can get away for abit later today I can’t stop my hands shaking I don’t no what’s wrong with me I sense a really bad feeling though

Do you think the feeling is because he hasn't hurt you for a few days and it feels like 'time'? Or is it that you're starting to feel like a different life is possible and that's also scary? Hope can be terrifying, but it can also get you moving.

Everything you and the kids have can be replaced, if someone comes back to you and offers a refuge place you can just go. It's going to be hard, but you've already proved that you can do hard things, over and over again. You can do this.

Thanks I’m shaking today I’m getting a really bad feeling if you no what I mean sounds stupid I no I get like this sometimes and sometimes I am right something bad will happen he hasn’t done anything really bad lately so should I be feeling like this I really feel like I’m having a bad day

I can’t put to much details on here but he hasn’t done anything but am definitely sensing something he is angry most days though not always with me but I still have to walk on egg shells so I don’t say the wrong thing

I don’t want to feel like this anymore but I am scared aswell

Oh my gosh you are doing fab

Naming it for what it is
Coming on here

Thinking ahead
So strong

It took me ages to do that

We are here to help not judge
Stay strong
There are so many great people in this world ready to help

I learned this when I fled
Wishing you all the best

Xxxxxxx

Sending love and strength. We’re here to support you, whatever you do or don’t do, whatever you are able to manage, we care. We are here, not to judge you but to support you.
You are doing so well. You are an amazing, strong woman.

You've been managing his anger for so long it got to be automatic - but now you're thinking about living free you're noticing your feelings again. It's like you've been walking a tightrope for so many years it's second nature, but you've just looked down and so you're having a bit of a wobble.

If you're not able to eat properly right now, could you at least put some sugar in your tea? Maybe hit the biscuits? Whatever energy you can take in you should. And if you can take a walk, with or without kids, with or without him, and just be around some green stuff for a while that might help too?

Thanks I’m starting to think I wish he would do something then if I escape I can say ... is why I have left but I no straight away if I do that he will say why now why not any of the other times he has an answer for everything and can never be wrong he holds all characteristics for having a narsasistic personality. Wow I’m over thinking everything feel like I’m driving my self crazy

Try to keep your phone in your pocket so you can press the on off button in an emergency xx

Thanks it’s like a light bulb turning on in my head about him I can’t turn it off all I can do is think and think I really want to just go get out and disappear but also I’m scared of what consequences will happen

Thanks I just practiced that I think I might be going crazy

People like Women's Aid will be able to help - find you somewhere to go, help you rebuild, help you and the kids with access to counselling, maybe even help you change your names - it's something they've done before.

Keep hoping, keep in touch with all the possible helpers you can find.

And stay safe - you can do this

You are doing great.
What he feels and says about you leaving is irrelevant. It’s your decision not his. Don’t worry about what he will say after you have gone.
It’s your decision, your life in danger, only you have a right to choose when to leave and how many chances you give him, how much you can take. Only you. Not him, not us.
Getting through the next few hours and being ready to go if there’s a chance is all you need to do.
You can do this.