I need help I have kids scared to leave my partner

[lovemychildren27]

Hi everyone just looking for some advice or someone who's been in a similar situation I have kids and have been with my partner for a long time but I'm scared of him I no this isn't right but I don't no what I can do about it please if anyone can help me out thanks

Hi everyone sorry I have been able to post I have had some set backs had to delete everything from my phone it’s been a rough 2 days and I had a complete meltdown I’m ok now thanks everyone for all your support though

I won’t be able to log back in until later tonight but I will read any replies then thanks

Hello OP
Glad to see you back. There are lots of women on here thinking about you and wishing you well.
Sorry you’ve had another miserable time with him. I hate him and I’ve never even met him!
This thread is yours, for you, when you need it. There is no timetable so if it’s not safe to check it, then don’t worry about it!

I’m quite often on here in the early hours, so I will keep an eye out for you. I’m sorry you are suffering so badly. Take good care.

Still sending strong positive thoughts . So relieved you are still with us.
As Starks says, this thread is yours, you use it as you want and when you can. We’re here for you, you don’t answer to us- it’s up to you. We know you can’t be on here as much as you want for your own safety.
Please take care of yourself- don’t worry about us, we’re not the ones needing support at the moment.

Thanks for replying I’m not going to lie I kind of feel like giving up hope at the minute a made a mistake and broke down to a family member not on his side on mine and they just didn’t understand .also I did get through to women’s aid chat who said there where no refuges avalble anywhere. And on top of that I don’t think he has found out about this thread but he keeps making comments on what he would do if I ever tried to leave so my head is all over the place I have completely lost any hope but I am great full for everyone’s support sorry for the long message just need to let it all out I can’t go into detail on the thread what he’s been saying

Thinking of you

Please stay strong

You can. Do this

What about the areas far away?
Get there
Maybe hotel for one night then present as homesless ??

There are options

You are In so much danger

Sorry I keep saying this but it really is a risky time for you as it seems like he has sussed something is up

Please take care

He is so cruel, playing with your mind like that.

Don’t give up hope, OP. I wish I knew you in real life. If you confided in me as you did to that family member, I would have you out of there before he could blink.

Maybe your best hope is to present at a police station (I know this is a scary thought for you). They would have to help you and your local authority would have to find accommodation for you.

Is there any chance of an appointment with your GP, or another health care professional, if the police is too difficult for you? It’s such a shame that you are facing the challenges caused by covid which is keeping certain services inaccessible to you.

How old are your children? Sorry if you’ve told us this before. Don’t answer if you think it’s outing, but I was wondering how aware they are of his vile treatment of you and if they are scared as well.

The kids seem ok I do a lot with them and they don’t seem to have picked up on too much thankfully women’s aid said there are no refuges thery could look for temporary accommodation for me but I don’t think that would be safe or they can refer me to a service called no women turned away I don’t no if anyone has heard of that. I do think he may sense something due to some things he has said or maybe I’m just being paranoid. My family who I broke down to thinks I should tell him they don’t seem to realise I would be in danger this is partly my fault as I have hidden everything for so long they just don’t understand I really feel like I can’t do this anymore

Sorry I can’t say how old they are

I understand, OP, of course. You are doing amazingly to shelter them from the horror of their father.

People are often surprised when someone they perceive to be ‘strong’ or ‘happily married’ turns out to be living a totally different life. I hope that family member is thinking more deeply about what you have told them, and maybe thinking of ways they can help.

Maybe it’s just made me think am I doing the right thing if you no what I mean I have managed this long I really don’t no what to think I finding this so hard I don’t no what to do for the best

I understand why you might think that, but you only get one life. Do you really want yours to be ruined by this man?
I know it’s hard to imagine the future, but you could be living in peace, without fear, just bringing up your children and making sure their childhood is a good one.

You are worth so much more than being a punchbag for this man.

You can't live like this forever, your nerves will be shot, you know he's going to blow, you need to make sure you and the kids are nowhere near when it happens.

I no I was telling myself this the other day I just feel like I won’t be able to do it he will find me so easy and then what I wish I was brave enough to go

Bless you 💐

I know where you are and how it feels. I'm not totally out of the woods yet and he's still very unpleasant towards me, even from a different house.

Hang on in there for now and yes listen to your instincts about being careful about not letting him know you can't do this and want out.

Him threatening you means he knows how awful he's being and he knows anyone would want out of it.

Thinking about solutions ... is there any scenario in why you could move in with your family or a family member? I mean could it be that someone 'needs support' so you have to go and live with them to 'help'?

We need to find a way to get him under a different roof. This can take a bit of time but you will get there.

The alternative is getting the police to remove him, but that needs to be very definitive action and him absolutely gone.

I know it will feel scary talking about this so just delete frequently and write as and when you can.

Have you spoken to the DV unit at your police?

Xxxx

OP I'm here listening.
Do you have any family or friends in another country?
Is he on dc's birth certificates?

Just looked up nowhere to turn. It sounds good if it gets you a space

I'm in another country and more than happy to make any calls etc for you and set things up

You can do it

I did it with a young baby
Had to hide in a toilet for hours
Then get removed safely while he circled
Anything is possible

Two years later the bas---- potentially faces jail

Sending you so much strength
The ladies on here got me out
We can help too!!!!

You are strong enough to do this. Well done for getting this far OP.

I hope you are ok lovemychildren27

OP, if you are watching the thread but too scared to post, don’t worry. We’re still here when you need us.
You don’t have to do anything to an expected timetable. We know how hard it is and how scared you are.

Just know that you have friends here who are rooting for you.

OP, I am worried about your fear and the lack of immediate responses from DV charities. I imagine they are overrun right now more than ever.

I think you may need to accept that the police may be your best chance. They may just save your life, and it's going to be hard to be discreet with 6 children if nothing else.

Can you get a GP appointment or an appointment with a teacher, explain you need to make the call and speak to the police from there? The police will advise you - maybe you return home as if everything is normal and there is a pre-arranged time when they remove you and the children. Police officers are better trained in DV now and will know what to do.

I have listened to a lot of podcasts by a brilliant woman called Laura Richards who is an ex Met detective, and huge advocate and campaigner against domestic violence, and has been instrumental in legislative change to protect women in your situation.
She has also set up something called Paladin, an anti stalking advocacy organisation and trains police officers in DV issues, and one of the things she stresses is LISTEN TO THE VICTIMS.
This is because there are a lot of high profile cases where women have made complaints that are not taken as seriously as they should be and then are killed by their stalkers/partners. You will be taken very seriously if you show half the fear you are showing on here.

x

Great post WitchesAndWizards

Those podcasts sound very interesting, thanks for the recommendation.

I hope so much that OP is reading and will soon be free of this man.

Fantastic post witchesandw
So useful

As someone who has been through it
I rang and rang for days and could not get through

Got to say the police were so lovely
I would go to them
Ask if a female officer is available

Tell the. Everything and all your fears

I am sure they have heard this all many times and have plans in place