Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

Should guests have brought their own food due to the virus guidance in your location?

One plate of food (assuming it wasnt the size of a dustbin lid) really shouldn't decimate a buffet.
Nothing worse than a stingy buffet, surely the whole point is that you can go back to it a few times and keep the leftovers for tomrw.

It doesn't sound like you made enough food. A friend does this. She thinks it is loads but she has tiny portions. I know most stop for a takeaway on the way home.

We over cater so there is enough for at least two large plates for each guest as I have noticed the men that come always eat loads. My DH would probably pile a plate high with food and he is nowhere near overweight.

However, it could well also be an eating disorder and unfortunately the only one who can help that is him.

Enough others have commented on the food issues, but as an infection control nurse it never ceases to amaze me how apparently intelligent people don’t understand the basics.

You’re much better off practising good hand hygiene than wearing gloves to protect from Covid. Gloves are easily contaminated, much better to avoid touching your face and to wash your hands regularly (and properly).

The same goes for those who insist on wearing gloves to the supermarket .

Though the best yet was a neighbour the other day who I saw spraying cleaning fluid on the outside of her takeaway after it was delivered - struggled to keep a straight face!

I don't understand why you didn't just go and get some more crips out? If food runs out when I'm hosting I get some more out. There can't have been that much left over if it all fit on one plate really.

I'd serve everyone at once, including dh. If he isn't there then I'd cover his plate and leave it on the table or on the side, etc. Then I would cover the serving dishes and put them somewhere where they won't be obvious to him but his own plate is unmissable.

With any luck he'll just pick up his plate and eat that,, and in the meantime if others would like more then you bring the serving dishes out again.

Why can't you talk about it?

He definitely does sound greedy or as though he has a disordered approach towards eating but I agree tjay it sounds like you didnt cook enough too.

Just one overloaded plate is not going to fit ALL the food required to give seconds to all of your guests (I'm guessing 6 or so) so it does sound like a food shortage too.

Why did you ask this question in detail and only reply once?

Maybe her dh has eaten her.

Stop buying food. If he can’t behave himself with crisps then don’t buy any crisps at all. Don’t put shared food on the table - serve it out and if there’s any left put it away in a Tupperware box. Being greedy in private is different to bring greedy in front of guests though, especially if he’s eating their food. It’s rude and I’d have to insist he stops.

Tell him to eat before people arrive next time, like a bowl of porridge or a big sandwich. Hopefully then, he won’t feel quite the need to overeat when you have guests.

Why did you ask this question in detail and only reply once?

This usually happens when the OP doesn't like the responses. Or at least the majority of responses.

In this case, she doesn't like the numerous posts saying she didn't provide enough food.

FWIW I agree that there probably wasn't enough food. I personally hate running out of food and tend to make surplus.

I'll ask this again. Why is it up to the OP to tell her husband to eat beforehand, or cook him an extra meal, or think to cater generously for 12 people when there are only 6 in attendance, etc?

The husband is a grown adult. If an average portion of food isn't enough (or the event is genuinely under-catered), he needs to take that into account and mitigate the problem himself. Not leave it all to the OP. Managing another adult's appetite and manners shouldn't be yet another piece of "wife work".

This is a hilarious thread.

Someone nailed it earlier when they said ‘he had ONE plate of food’.

What’s wrong with that?!

If he was able to eat all the leftovers on one plate you didn’t cook enough

@TheNestedIf because it sounded like OP has only cooked enough for 3!! She bought 3 bags of small crisps. Nobody could of cleared all the food on ONE plate.

@Shinebright72 OP hasn't clarified how big the bags were or all of what other food was available. If it didn't seem enough, her husband needed to do something about it, not just hoover it all up. He was a host. Not a guest.

What was his childhood food situation? Were they ever short? Did he have an emotional attachment to food? Does it represent something more to him (safety, or perhaps power)?
I think an experienced councillor will be able to untangle his food issues.

OP hasn’t clarified because anybody who doesn’t agree with that she may be at fault by not cooking enough.
OP however did say she tipped 3 bags of crisps into a bowl and there was NOthing left I doubt her husband scoffed 3! big bags of crisps onto his plate plus his food

Of course some people don’t want to acknowledge the fact other than her husband eating all the food and he may have a eating disorder (I doubt this as it would have been mentioned in OPs) as she said herself “it never crossed her mind”.

What a nasty thread, clearly OP was hoping for a pile on on his greedy, disgusting husband with his snout at the food who should be publicly shamed, he got this from some posters, of course, because fat shaming is alive and well!

OP, as PPs have said, you clearly did not cook enough, even if he overate, it was one plate, so at best you would have had, what? half a plate left over for seconds if he had a smaller portion? yeah...

also, you clearly don't like this man, joking about his overeating in front of everybody and actually shaming him so much he went bright red, this is not very nice in a loving relationship.

Obviously you think his weight is an issue but that is separate from this 'incident'.

You clearly didn't make enough food.
You clearly didn't put enough food on guests plates.
Your DH waited until everyone had been served, that's pretty nice of him.
Its DH home, why is he not 'allowed' to have as much food as he wants?
Your DH doesn't do this in other peoples house so he clearly has control.

It just sounds like you are food shaming him. Next time maybe make him a large filling meal before all your guests turn up.

Why don't you just talk
DH - today you took all that was left of the food when we have guests I want to make sure people can have seconds - next time just have a medium portion please

Have you EVER had a discussion about it? You need to sit down with him and say quite clearly, "No one ever gets to have seconds because you finish EVERYTHING off. This is not a once off, you always do this. Especially as a host you need to show some restraint." He can sulk all he wants, but he knows damn well what he's doing. The fact that he waits until everyone else has had a plateful means he is fully aware of it. But he hasn't factored into his thought process is other people wanting seconds.

The other thing you can do is to not serve everything up. Leave about a quarter of the food somewhere else, to be brought out so that everyone can have extras, with a very pointed - hissed quietly if need be, "you've had enough, this is for our guests" to your DH.

I hope that you haven't told your Husband, that you have posted on here, and now hundreds of people will know that he ate all the crisps and chicken etc. It made me laugh really, I was trying to imagine the scene in your garden!