Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

Ah yes, "I am Sparcarcass". I remember the days

Even I would eat 2 pittas of chicken and I’m a size 10

This has brought back memories of a meal a few months ago when one guest was first to the food and took big handfuls of meat. Leaving everyone else with much smaller portions. It is greed and selfishness.

This has brought back memories of a meal a few months ago when one guest was first to the food and took big handfuls of meat. Leaving everyone else with much smaller portions. It is greed and selfishness.

Had the same at a buffet, first up piled their plates so high there was literally nothing left for us at the back of the queue. I stood there looking at empty platters with a few sprigs of parsley on.

@GimmeAy

You're just making stuff up now! Were you there?

OP has long gone.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

He sounds utterly vile, MitziK. I think that our parents (particularly mothers), don't realise the devastating impact that their words can have.

I absolutely agree about leaving people alone with their eating; there's nothing to be said. An adult is fully cognisant of their situation and they don't need to be pilloried for what is, in many cases, disordered eating that comes from real pain somewhere.

Did you see anybody about this or have you had to work through it best you can on your own?

Work through it on my own. I'm now a very good cook - I just don't like/can't handle being seen eating by people I don't trust. Which is most people.

Avoiding a few shitty buffets - or lunches where the hostess is known to have a go at her DH for how he eats - is the price I have to pay for having had those arseholes in my life.

I don't think some posters can slate the OP for being unkind (in your opinion) to her husband whilst being nasty to a poster for giving her view on food portions on a thread about food portions.

Also why do some people think it's ok to be unkind about people with smaller appetites/portions but it's not ok to suggest someone's appetite/portions are larger than a human adult needs?

MitziK, I understand that completely. I've been judged by my Mum all my life - along with all her family... "Did you see Lying eat all that?" or "Why won't Lying eat her dinner?"... never my brothers, anything they did was ignored because all the focus was on me. I don't eat at my mother's now and I've told her (gently) why, putting the blame on her family rather than on her but making my point nonetheless.

I think people focus very much on what women eat but there are also some women who focus very much on anything that is eaten outside of their own narrow 'norm'. It's truly uncomfortable.

I completely see where you're coming from regarding trust; it's so, so important. Like you, I would refuse to be at any lunch where the host is rude enough to use her guests as a complicit audience to the berating of their spouse about what they're eating/how they're eating.

I expect you'll always carry that pain and those scars, but even with them, you got through it as a caring and cognisant woman, strong and independent, and you really should congratulate yourself for that.

I could almost be you... but I'm not a good cook!

WaterOffADucksCrack, that's really between the posters concerned though, isn't it? We've said our respective pieces and I don't want to stir it up again.

I can disagree with a poster vigorously on one thread and be just as vigorously agreeing with them on another. That's how it works.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe It would have been fine if there was loads to go around, but since there wasn't and one if out of the 6 ate 1/4 of the chicken and 1/3 of the pitta breads, then it's worth commenting on.

I'm starving now lol and want chicken, side salads and pitta bread.

@WaterOffADucksCrack

I don't think some posters can slate the OP for being unkind (in your opinion) to her husband whilst being nasty to a poster for giving her view on food portions on a thread about food portions.

Also why do some people think it's ok to be unkind about people with smaller appetites/portions but it's not ok to suggest someone's appetite/portions are larger than a human adult needs?

Your post makes no sense. I am able to hold multiple opinions about multiple people/things/ideas all at the same time. I don't have to get rid of one opinion to be able to form another.

And if you're talking about GimmeAy.... I'm not slating her for her preoccupation with food , she has been rude a few times , to a few people. And she turned someone else's post into something that was all about her.

Your post makes no sense Ahhh that old line! I am able to hold multiple opinions about multiple people/things/ideas all at the same time. I don't have to get rid of one opinion to be able to form another. I didn't say you couldn't or you had to so I don't know why you're making things up 😂

that's really between the posters concerned though, isn't it? I didn't realise you had the final say on who could participate in a discussion and who couldn't. Are you from MNHQ? Ever so sorry if that's the case I thought their posts were usually highlighted.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I am seriously starting to judge myself for still being here , if it helps I understand and agree with your posts.

GimmeAy, I wouldn't comment on the amounts of food because people have different levels of hunger. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for anything and other days, if you so much as resemble a Wotsit, you won't stand a chance for your next birthday.

What I take issue with - and I do agree that we all put our own slants on things as we all have our own experiences to draw on - is that the priority as a host or hosts, is your guests comfort. That being the case, I don't understand why the OP, knowing her husband's form, wouldn't have neatly taken the 'finishing off' scenario out of the equation as other posters have suggested, ie. giving DH a plateful so that he didn't need to do that himself - giving herself and her mother respectable portions too. That is what guests expect. It isn't comfortable to eat in an atmosphere of an undercurrent or mood of resentment/argument.

If the premise of the first post is to be believed, then OP made her guests unwitting witnesses to some low-level spite against her spouse. He wasn't the host, doesn't want to have guests. OP put her guests in this position and that is unforgivable in my book.

Note that the OP has long gone. They posted a thread that is catnip for many women, put in some very tasty morsels (pardon the pun), a bit of husband-bashing, some CF-ering and a big dollop of greed. Irressistable. And look what we did?

Draw your own conclusions. I came to mine a while back. I didn't post on the thread early doors but I was reading it. One of the positives for me has been to realise that I'm not on my own with my disordered eating. I equally sad to know that too. I'm very much struck by MitziK's experiences as some of mine are similar. It's been good to let that out because I don't really talk about it ever.

I have pitta breads (M&S wholemeal are the nicest), as is there hummous.

their hummous.

BrambleJam, I guess we're all getting something out of the thread, whatever the OP's motives were in starting it.

It's a crowd-puller, that's for sure!

I’d ask him to eat before everyone arrives and then to only eat what you serve him. Don’t let him ruin hosting for you. Shaming him is awful I couldn’t advise anyone to do that. Have a gentle but honest conversation or if talking to him provokes too much emotion write him a letter and allow him the space to take it in.

DucksCrack, stir for juicy gossip and arguments all you like, I'm not biting :)

... and if you'd seen the number of 'Ahem's' I've had in my time, you'd know better.

I still don't get the issue and in my experience with my brothers, my exes,my teenage son, none of whom are overweight, would that meal be particularly huge and they all tended to finish what wasn't eaten. Sometimes I'd like stuff left over for another meal but they tend to finish it. Men, at least in my experience, eat quite a bit more than women.

Anyway, either tell him to serve himself what you consider a normal meal or ask him how much he's going tot eat so you can cater for your guests.

Yeah , I have had to stay in a caravan for the last week with no TV , so it's been entertaining in its way. I'm relatively new to forums to need to learn not to get rankled by people. I am getting a lot better , believe it or not.

My brother has a BMI of 18.6 ( I know this as we talked about it recently) and has type 1 diabetes and he would have ate the meal that the OPs husband ate. I know this because he's always round for meals and I have to measure carbs for whatever I make.

but the best hosts I know, would serve everyone up, make sure everyone was topped up with drinks etc.

This much is true

and then eat a small amount themselves to make sure there was enough to offer seconds to those with larger appetites.

Sorry but this bit is nonsense.

You provide enough food and cater adequately, so you as the host don't have to take a small portion.

When I say enough food, I mean base it on everyone having a large appetite.

You don't need to take a small portion as the host if you provide enough food in the first place.

All this talk of 'you can get more food if you're still hungry after the guests leave' OR ..' make a sandwich etc' ...if you have to do this after inviting people for lunch/dinner in your house...then you simply didn't provide enough food.

I usually have food leftover after entertaining....nobody who we invite for a meal, including us the hosts would be hungry afterwards.

So how much then would you all have cooked for the extra three guests and yourselves?

I'd probably cook three/four per person and have the rest as leftovers. Chicken is incredibly versatile.

Too much is better than too little. Too much can be coped with and nobody needs to overeat themselves if they don't want to - too little means that nobody will enjoy the meal at all... and what's the point of that?