Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

No - my point is that the OP cooked more than enough. She did not 'under-cater' (never even knew there was such a word) as has been suggested by about 100 posters.

Are you the OP?

I am out of this thread. In case you hadn't noticed ...

And yet you're still here........ Lol

Yes - I'm the OP.
I have neither a garden, a BIL, nor a DH (overweight or otherwise).

My point is there should have been enough for everyone, if the DH hadn't eaten his fair share.

Except, from the numbers provided by the OP, we know that at least one other adult also ate 2 chicken breasts (I.e. more than their 'share').

If the DM and SIL only ate "tiny" portions (maybe 1 between them - more than that would not be "tiny") and the DH ate 2.5, that leaves c. 5 breasts which were eaten by the remaining 2 adults and 1 child. So it seems likely that 2 other adults present ate roughly 2 breasts each.

Same goes for the pitta.

The maths doesn't add up, and the OP's statement that the DH ate double what anybody else had eaten is demonstrably false.

I have visions of mumsnet ladies entertaining with tables groaning with enough food to feed the whole of Ethiopia and stuffed fridges and freezers full of leftovers.
Like the French Sun Kings (Louis X1V) banqueting table.

@madcatladyforever I've a similar image in my head!!!

MNers do appear to have healthy appetites anyway! Even the slim ones as quite a few of those have commented.

On the other hand, it appears that I'd be entertaining a crowd with 5 loaves and 3 fishes hahah.

groceries.morrisons.com/products/morrisons-british-chicken-breast-fillets-515455011
2 kilos of chicken breasts = 8 chicken breasts.
Apparently 250g per breast.
100g = 131kcal
327.5 per breast. Add on a bit of oil or whatever in marinade cooking, so you're taking maybe 350 - 400 kcal per breast.

I'd imagine that's fairly typical?

OP - for the purposes of clarity here, we need to know the exact brand of chicken breasts, pitta breads, crisps and the full ingredients of your 4 salads and of course your 3 desserts.
Otherwise, we can't accurately conclude whether there were greedy bastards involved or not. #light-hearted

OP, my exBIL was a very greedy person. He would eye our plates at family meals and ask us 'are you eating that?' if he wanted something while we were still eating. I was at their home and saw him eating from the fridge after we had finished a very substantial lunch. He seemed embarrassed when I walked in on him and I think he definitely had a massive issue with food.
He lost loads of weight once on a shake diet but put it all back on and more once he started eating solid food again. He couldn't control himself around food.

I had a massive problem with food for many years and hid an eating disorder. I got help on and off through the years but it was when I had children that I realised that I needed to stop. I didn't want my behaviour around food to be seen as normal by my kids.

Could you broach the subject with him and suggest Overeaters Anonymous to him? He will never change unless he addresses his problems.
Food is like a drug to many people. It's nothing for him to be embarrassed about. You've noticed how he behaves around food and if he's honest, he already knows his behaviour is not normal or healthy.

I know that you will broach the subject sensitively and support him in getting the help he needs.

Best of luck.

Lol. Hit a nerve did I? Sorry this isn't the point of the thread at all but why do people say this like it's an original witty retort? Most of the time they don't seem to have "hit a nerve" at all, the poster merely directed a response to them or dared to disagree. And if they did genuinely upset someone why would that be something to be proud of unless you enjoy upsetting people?

If he was an alcoholic skulling all the wine/beer, would you mention it to him or would you keep quiet? If you think he has a food addiction, then it's really not much different, so I think you do maybe need to have a chat with him - not accusatory as such - more along the lines that he may benefit from some support. You said OP that he's embarrassed about his weight but that you're not allowed to mention it. I'd have to mention it I think - even if I suggested that we both start on a healthy regime so that he doesn't feel picked on.
People are very harsh on alcoholics here on MN but seem to dance around addressing obesity.

If it was a thread such as, I had 20 cans of beer and two bottles of wine, so I had intended for each adult to have 4 cans of beer and or some wine if they preferred, but it turned out that your husband skulked off and drank 8 cans of beer and 1 bottle of wine, the thread would be very very different. There would have been 500 calls to LTB. Pack his bags etc. I don't see this as being all that different.

GimmyAy
My chicken breasts from Ocado in my fridge
4 chicken breasts .59 kg at 107 kcals per kg which equals 160per chicken breast
Did you search high and low to find the biggest and most calorific chicken breasts. Agree We dont know the size of the chicken breasts, we dont know the size of the pittas etc
. But OP wasnt clear on anything other than she was embarrassed . Instead of coming on here saying i am worried about my DH over eating and his mental and physical health, she emphasized how embarrassed she was.

One is the amount your DH is eating and two, you didn’t make enough food

OP said it wouldn't have mattered how much she made, he would have finished it all anyway.

No - I shop at Morrisons, can't afford Ocado I'm afraid. Dainty appetites you rich folk have! *light-hearted

Well bruffin she had a right to be embarrassed. Don't you think?

The OP did mention her embarrassment over the situation. I suppose that she sees what's happening with her husband and how he eats but she can't talk to him about it. If he was open to discussing why he eats like he does and how he is uncomfortable with his weight, they can look at what can be done to turn it around.

There's a lot of shame around food- 'good', 'bad' foods, 'oh, I shouldn't ' - all that crap. I think it's a shame that the situation isn't being addressed. OP and her husband are aware of his overeating but it's the elephant in the room.

Food as an addiction is so hard. You can't live without it. It's understanding why you eat like you do. It goes way beyond dieting and restricting food. That is just going to lead to yo-yo dieting and feeling miserable. He needs to know why he's eating like this, what his triggers are and how to avoid them. I am a great believer in discipline =freedom. Being in control around food opens up a whole new world. Sort out the why and everything else falls into place.

An open and honest discussion needs to take place between this couple.

Agreed GregoryGrainneog - it's almost secret eating, embarrassment at his weight, possible embarrassment about how much he eats (not eating with the rest of them, but shutting himself off in a corner of the garden) and the perceived selfishness of not leaving some for the guests.

Well bruffin she had a right to be embarrassed. Don't you think?
No because that makes it all about her, either she cares about her dh or not, but if she cared about him she wouldnt have made comments in front of others, She would have sorted it so that he couldnt have over ate at the end ie plated him up the size portion she wanted him to have or had a word with him before hand try to work a way round it.
. He really didnt eat that much for a social occasion and its probably the type of thing nobody else really noticed but she drew attention to it . He didnt leave the guests nothing to eat even OP admits there was plenty of dessert and the rest of the chicken and pitta bread and salads.

I can't imagine being in love with someone I was embarrassed about. My abusive ex used to embarrass me by being rude and shutting himself off into another room if MY family or friends were over. It made my guests feel unwanted. It was jealousy in his case and nothing to do with food. He just didn't want my friends etc. over. I'm not saying that the OP is necessarily in an abusive relationship, but the best hosts I know, would serve everyone up, make sure everyone was topped up with drinks etc. and then eat a small amount themselves to make sure there was enough to offer seconds to those with larger appetites. Most hosts wouldn't skulk secretly to eat every last morsel.

Plus - for equality purposes - why is the OP (being female) considered the host, but the husband (being male) is not considered the host?

Surely the husband as a co-host was responsible for speaking up and saying - lets cook another few chicken breasts in case anyone goes hungry? Or is hosting still a woman's job?

Gimmeya
You obviously have many issues, you are obviously projecting on this thread. I cant imagine loving someone who gets embarrassed by me.

Being a host doesnt mean you cant eat at your own party, especially after everyone else has been served.

This reminds me a bit of 'you're the carcass'. I can't quite remember the context, but it was a MIL and the OP and the MIL referenced something about the carcass lol. Anyone able to find that thread - it was funny.