Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

You're talking about 800 kcals in 1.5 chicken breasts, salads with rice etc., and the 1.5 pitta breads

Most people don't calorie count the menu for lunch guests, unless you're all in a weight loss club.

It was a hardly a party - the OP had her Mum and brother over with his wife.

After 3 months of lockdown, a gathering of 6 people (the maximum allowed) to eat in a social setting is as close as you can get to a party. Most people haven't socialised in months.

Let's not forget there was dessert too.

No wonder there are so many slimming threads on here. You've lost sight of what a normal person eats.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable Although I swear OP said OH doesn't normally eat that much but seems to stuff himself/hoard food when guests are over. She even specifically mentions he doesn't do this when a guest himself.

Tbh I wonder if this triggers something in him about running out of food and therefore almost compulsively needing to eat what's left?

Ok... congrats for being slim with a tiny appetite I guess? I'm glad I can be a healthy weight and not have to lie down after 2 chicken breasts, personally.

There were no lanky energetic growing teenagers at the 'party' though.

There was one fat bastard though. Who ate his fill.

Stop assuming everyone with normal appetites are overweight, Gimme. You've got food issues.

^^ that was for @GimmeAy

Do you describe yourself as teeny tiny, Gimme? Just curious.

GimmeAy - you're making a lot of assumptions about people on here. It's utterly ridiculous to equate portion size with virtue, or to assume that large portions = overweight.

My BMI is just below the middle of the 'healthy' range, I'm 5'10" and under 10 stone. I exercise a lot (as does my DH, who is thin) and yes, both of us could easily eat very large portions over the course of a couple of hours at a social meal. It's not at all unusual to be healthy, slim and to also need a lot of calories to fuel your activity levels.

If you look at what the DH ate kcal wise, and I'm going to be modest in my estimations, assuming relatively low calories for everything.

3 bags crisps - 150 x 3 = 450
2.5 chicken breasts (I'm assuming roasted with no skin) - 250 x 2.5 = 625
3 pitta breads (I'm going to assume white and google suggest 275 each) - 275 x 3 = 825

I'm assuming he had no salads. I'm assuming he drank only water.

The man consumed at a conservative estimate - 1,900 calories for lunch.
Now fucking tell me whether he's a greedy bastard or not.

@Juno231 The OP said: If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times, he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left.

That indicates to me that he normally eats large portions at family meals. It may well be that the OP also makes miniscule quantities of food for dinner, and is then surprised when he needs to eat most of it.

It's pretty clear that the OP was not surprised by the fact that her DH has a large appetite, so making 1.5 breasts for him was always going to be too little. And she must have known it.

The OP has stated her DH is massively overweight - now can we see why? I suggest he's the one with the eating disorder - not me.

GimmeAy People ear more at social occasions that they do on a day to day basis. You'd delcare me a greedy bastard if you saw what I eat when it's a special occasion and we have a BBQ or go out for a meal.

You just like having an excuse to judge fat people, going by your posts.

I'm commenting on a thread about a DH husband eating more than his fair share. I'm on topic and not coming on purposely to judge.

The 1900 kcals for lunch has shut you all up I see. Good.

Don't be daft. It was a special occasion, people eat that at special events all the time.

If this thread is anything to go by, op probably didn't let him have any dinner to keep him within his calorie allowance for the day.

Yes, gluttony is a sin, if we're using those categories, but so also is anger. And there are a whole lot of other injunctions about not judging, lest ye be judged, and not casting stones unless you are without sin.

Personally, with the chicken, four substantial salads and three kinds of cake, I think the catering for a relaxed lunch was fine, rather generous in fact - can't remember when, if ever, I've provided 4 salads and 3 kinds of cake. I don't think going back and forth about how much food is enough is really very helpful, amusing though it might be. And the OP knows her crowd, and if she thought the food was enough, it probably should have been. But since the OP's husband does have form for waiting until people have served themselves then taking absolutely everything else, it does sound rather like the OP was setting him up for a bit of a test.

OP, you asked what you should say to him. I"d start with asking why he didn't join the rest of you for lunch but went off on his own to eat on what you'd hoped would be a relaxed and happy occasion. Doesn't that seem odd to you? Does he feel uncomfortable around these particular people or more generally in company? Does he want to separate you from people you feel close to? Was he sulking about the occasion from the get-go and determined to make it awkward and people feel uncomfortable and unwelcome? I don't know where the aggression in this situation is coming from, but it does feel like there's a lot of aggression and frustration in it.

Have you had any opportunity to talk to him yet? Sorry, this thread is probably not very helpful. You might want to namechange, reframe your question in terms other than food and have another go!

It was lunch ffs. Hardly a special occasion.

its not an every day occurance Gimmye! You have also way over estimated the calories
Crisps are near 120 calories per bag
Pitta breads are 165 for a large one but pitta breads come in many different sizes
The chicken breasts in my fridge are nearer 158 calories each
which brings it down to nearer 1300 calories

Also dont know the size of the chicken breast and the frozen ones can be tiny

I'm eating cake right now. And I finished my lunch over an hour ago.
I'm expecting to see a giant hog's head staring back at me when I next look in the mirror, haha.

And if op considers three small bags of crisps to be a large bowlful, they're clearly not standard fare in that house. He probably won't get any more till Christmas.

I"d start with asking why he didn't join the rest of you for lunch but went off on his own to eat on what you'd hoped would be a relaxed and happy occasion. Doesn't that seem odd to you? Does he feel uncomfortable around these particular people or more generally in company? Does he want to separate you from people you feel close to? Was he sulking about the occasion from the get-go and determined to make it awkward and people feel uncomfortable and unwelcome? I don't know where the aggression in this situation is coming from, but it does feel like there's a lot of aggression and frustration in it.

Nail on head - I had an ex like this. He made anything with anyone related to me so miserable as to make it just pointless. He wasn't shy - he was an abusive cunt who used to beat me up along with all the coercive control that goes with that.

Imo, the DH doesn't sound attractive remotely.

Now fucking tell me whether he's a greedy bastard or not

Jesus, so unpleasant, would you say the same thing about a woman?

And at least do it right, a skinless roasted chicken breast is 165 calories, so 415.

Calories in a pitta bread, I’m assuming it wasn’t the massive ones, but a single portion one, which is 79. So 237, otherwise the op wouldn’t have been giving everyone one and a half each.

Two bags of crisps, an average bag is 185. So that’s 370.

So over the course of an afternoon he ate approx 1000 calories. For an average man who needs 2500 a day his intake was totally fine.

And not of the “greedy bastard” image you’re putting forward.

@GimmeAy

If you look at what the DH ate kcal wise, and I'm going to be modest in my estimations, assuming relatively low calories for everything.

3 bags crisps - 150 x 3 = 450
2.5 chicken breasts (I'm assuming roasted with no skin) - 250 x 2.5 = 625
3 pitta breads (I'm going to assume white and google suggest 275 each) - 275 x 3 = 825

I'm assuming he had no salads. I'm assuming he drank only water.

The man consumed at a conservative estimate - 1,900 calories for lunch.
Now fucking tell me whether he's a greedy bastard or not.

You didn't Google correctly...

2.5 chicken breasts at 142 calories per 0.5 breast is 710 calories

3 pittas at 147 calories is 441 calories (taken from Sainsbury's white pitta at 59g per slice)

Estimate 200 calories for crisps

Total is 1351 calories ... Give or take . This is half an average man's suggested daily calories. For a family lunch , it is not OTT in my opinion.