Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

somebody who clearly has an eating disorder
That is not clear at all. The man had 1 more chicken breast than op had catered for and a few bags of crisps. That is NOT a lot of food for a man.

How the fuck are people concluding that a man who had two chicken breasts for lunch has an eating disorder?

Being willing to martyr yourselves and starve in the name of good hosting is all very well, but it doesn’t make you wonderful for doing it. I would in fact be more inclined to think that the people who deliberately starve themselves have eating disorders, or that they actually realise that if they eat what they would want there won’t actually be enough to go round.

everyone had a meal. The dh didn’t do anything wrong by serving himself. Just because the OP chooses to starve her guests doesn’t mean that he should be forced to go along with it.

Even if he’d had nothing to eat there still wouldn’t have been enough for seconds, so exactly who did he deprive by eating that extra chicken breast?

I think it's the fact that he is apparently very overweight, and for me the fact that he took his plate away from everyone else to eat was telling.

However, I don't see anything amiss with a fully grown man eating two chicken breasts at a sitting, and I agree that the OP didn't prepare enough food.

When providing lunch I would have more than enough of everything else and assume most people may only have a small bit of salad

I like salad and have it for most meals, but can't stand any kind of dressing, don't like chick peas, cold rice, olives, celery or sweetcorn - so often don't like salads made by other people (you can't even pick out celery or olives as the taste infects everything they touch 🤢)

I'm sorry OP but even for lunch I think you needed more chicken and pitta

Lots of people are over weight though. I don’t think every fat person I see has an eating disorder! I suggested the same @AlternativePerspective that it was ridiculous that people were suggesting OPs husband had an eating disorder based on so little info.

math I would take the very overweight and distance with a punch of salt considering OP quite consistently tends to exaggerate "mountains of food" and "plate piled up high" about her DH's plate, "large bowl of crisps" , "buckets of salad" but guests were hungry, people that "barely eat" but were looking for seconds etc.

What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off

His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.

eating away his mountain of food

all of it had gone.

had demolished almost all of them.

he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

That's just from the first post about 2.5 chicken breasts, 3 pittas and 2/3 bags of crisps.

OP, all the people quibbling over whether you under-catered and how big the bags of crisps were etc are massively missing the point. Your DH acted like a rude pig. When entertaining at home, etiquette dictates you do not finish ANYTHING until all your guests have at least been offered seconds, if not thirds. Even if you did under-cater, would it have killed him to be a bit hungry and have something else when they'd left? Can you really bear to be around this selfish overweight glutton, let alone be intimate with him? I couldn't. YADNBU.

@StatementKnickers

etiquette dictates you do not finish ANYTHING until all your guests have at least been offered seconds, if not thirds.

How exactly can you offer even seconds ,much less thirds to 3 people out of 2.5 chicken breasts + 2 slices and 3.5 pittas? And that's with OP's DH eating NOTHING at all.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock

Completely and totally agree with you . People however , will never agree that some poor husband who may have ate a plate of food at a lunch and may be a little overweight does not deserve to be totally ripped apart by his wife and a bunch on anonymous posters on an anonymous forum.

And the OP really doesn't like being told she undercatered so she might come back and defend herself against even a slight hint of that.

Sad but true .

Op do you actually even like your husband. Some of the things you’re writing on here are just awful.

Had I put more food out, he'd have hoovered that up too anyway

What’s actually wrong with you? The man ate an extra pitta bread and chicken breast and you’re being absolutely vile about him

Seriously why would you be with someone who you feel such utter disgust and disdain for? You’re on line insulting him repeatedly.

This is a really discomforting thread. If you can’t stand your husband end your marriage, but don’t do this, it’s shitty obnoxious vile behaviour to treat someone like this behind their back.

And you undercatered. Deal with it. And I suspect have food issues because no one portions food in fractions and serves it up. But the way you’re speaking about your own husband is just awful.

How exactly can you offer even seconds ,much less thirds...

Like I said, the amounts are irrelevant. OP said there was enough left in the communal dishes for guests to have seconds until her DH came and scooped the whole lot onto his plate.

Agree with Bluntness's post.

OP has slight issues with over exaggerating as well.

How can the amounts be irrelevant? If they are, then he's not a greedy pig either and he was considerate as well because he left some chicken,some pitta ,some crisps and the "buckets" of salad.

OP's mum actually had seconds, not much indeed, but hey, the amounts are irrelevant right?

DH does this every night if he is allowed to help himself and he is overweight, so it is not like the OP is chronically underfeeding the man!

Definitely DH's issue!

If you've got a DS, he and DH may end up arm-wrestling over portions. My rail-thin 15 year old can really put it away right now!
Good luck!

@Bluntness100

I totally agree with your posts as well , you have been consistent throughout this thread and a voice of reason.

DH does this every night if he is allowed to help himself
You make him sound like a young child, not a grownup, autonomous member of the household.
Why should he need op to "allow" him to do things in his own home? His weight issues are his to sort out, and won't be solved by op policing his food intake.

@DamnYankee

DH does this every night if he is allowed to help himself and he is overweight, so it is not like the OP is chronically underfeeding the man!

Definitely DH's issue!

If you've got a DS, he and DH may end up arm-wrestling over portions. My rail-thin 15 year old can really put it away right now!
Good luck!

Em, the OPs husband (maybe) being overweight does not mean that the OP is automatically in the right. Your argument actually makes no sense and assumes many , many , things about the OP and her husband. Not least that every morsel of food he eats or drop of liquid he drinks goes through the OP... that is ridiculous.

@TheNestedIf

I'll ask this again. Why is it up to the OP to tell her husband to eat beforehand, or cook him an extra meal, or think to cater generously for 12 people when there are only 6 in attendance, etc?

The husband is a grown adult. If an average portion of food isn't enough (or the event is genuinely under-catered), he needs to take that into account and mitigate the problem himself. Not leave it all to the OP. Managing another adult's appetite and manners shouldn't be yet another piece of "wife work".

This exactly. Apparently on mumsnet husbands are supposed to be babied, and their wives are responsible for their behaviour and self control.

I think he’s got an eating disorder and or anxiety.
You said he stood alone and ate, maybe by eating he didn’t need to talk to people. Maybe he’s scared of not been a let o get enough food.
I had a brother who would eat a whole pack of biscuits without a thought for anyone else in the family just because he was scared he wouldn’t get a second one if he only had one.
Next time maybe ask him to help serve so he can’t get tucked in first.

@StatementKnickers

OP, all the people quibbling over whether you under-catered and how big the bags of crisps were etc are massively missing the point. Your DH acted like a rude pig. When entertaining at home, etiquette dictates you do not finish ANYTHING until all your guests have at least been offered seconds, if not thirds. Even if you did under-cater, would it have killed him to be a bit hungry and have something else when they'd left? Can you really bear to be around this selfish overweight glutton, let alone be intimate with him? I couldn't. YADNBU.

And this. FGS the man supposedly has two hands and a phone, he can order a pizza after the party if need be. He is a grown man!

Well OP can't even manage herself properly since according to her she either puts too little on her plate and then goes hungry, or she puts too much and it's all so complicated she rarely serves food like that anymore.

@Kona84

Next time maybe ask him to help serve so he can’t get tucked in first

He was the last to plate up.

And this. FGS the man supposedly has two hands and a phone, he can order a pizza after the party if need be. He is a grown man!
Should have ordered a pizza to the party.

I think he has a bit of a problem but also is selfish. I would avoid those type of meals and serve up next time and a word with him before hand. Very odd to hide himself in the kitchen?