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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Embarrassingly greedy DH

886 replies

Ludicruss · 20/06/2020 19:25

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
NoSquirrels · 21/06/2020 22:27

The ‘I’m just holding back to be polite and let others be served first’ and then piling up a plate with much more than is reasonable is a thing, though. On this occasion it might be just an extra chicken breast and a pitta, but it’s obviously not an isolated incident, which is why the OP started the thread.

These things are really hard to address.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 21/06/2020 22:36

But can you really trust OP to judge accurately what is reasonable considering she insists she made more than enough food and the exaggerated language she used for the extra chicken breast and the pittas?

I also seriously doubt that her portion was as small as she makes it to be.

StatementKnickers · 21/06/2020 22:50

It DOES NOT MATTER about the quantities when you are hosting. OP may well have under-catered (she certainly has by my standards as I always deliberately buy/make enough food to feast on leftovers for several days afterwards) but if she did, the polite thing for her and her DP to do in that situation is take a tiny bit or none at all. There are no circumstances under which it is OK for a host to take more food than their guests.

ZombieFan · 21/06/2020 23:01

Your DH acted like a rude pig. When entertaining at home, etiquette dictates you do not finish ANYTHING until all your guests have at least been offered seconds, if not thirds
The idea you have to stand in your own home and watch 'guests' eat third helpings while you starve is NONSENSE. Their was hardly even enough food for firsts and DH waited until OP had served everyone.

You said he stood alone and ate, maybe by eating he didn’t need to talk to people Maybe he doesn't get on well with his wifes family, maybe he is an introvert or maybe he doesn't like talking and eating at the same time. Doesn't mean he has an eating disorder.

AlternativePerspective · 21/06/2020 23:02

There are an awful lot of martyrs on this thread.

Seriously people believe that if there isn’t enough for guests to have seconds or even thirds they, the hosts should go without? WTF?

If there wasn’t enough for everyone to have a portion then I would agree, but given everyone actually did have a portion it’s not up to the hosts to martyr themselves like this.

And maybe the dh ate to one side because his emotionally and verbally abusive wife shames and belittles him in front of people.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 21/06/2020 23:05

Or because he /they was /were socially distancing . I bet OP will insist she has a banquet table as well where everyone would've had their own 4/4 parcel. Except DH of course, the greedy baStard needed the whole garden.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 21/06/2020 23:08

@StatementKnickers well OP is adamant that the guests barely ate/only had a little bit/ never eat much anyways. But 6 chicken breasts and 5.5 pittas were eaten by 4 adults and a child. So either the child has quite the appetite, or OP herself ate more than the guests to begin with.

Tigersneeze · 21/06/2020 23:36

it's not about the amount of food, it simply doesn't sound like DH is a team player in his marriage. as a couple you host together, not the woman alone. if there is a mistake and not enough food gets made, you check in with each other - as the hosting couple - how to deal with it together. it's about his failure to be in tune with his wife, he acted like a guest or child, but not like a partner who shares the responsibility to make the lunch a success.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 21/06/2020 23:40

His wife is barely in tune with herself since she either puts too little on her plate or too much.

HerRoyalNotness · 21/06/2020 23:41

Bloody hell. Take a look at the size of your palms. That’s the size meat you should be eating. If you can fit 2-2.5 chicken breasts in one palm go for it. A serving is not supposed to be that big in general. You had plenty of food OP.

Tigersneeze · 21/06/2020 23:42

His wife is barely in tune with herself since she either puts too little on her plate or too much.

well in that case a supportive DH would be more important than ever. shame he wasn't

PhilTheGroundhog · 21/06/2020 23:43

I really want chicken and pitta bread now.

Was the chicken marinaded, OP?

SandyY2K · 22/06/2020 01:23

This thread is hilarious. I've never portioned food in fractions...that's ridiculous, but as you catered do specifically, you should have dished up 1.5 chicken breasts on each plate.

The crisps and pitta were very measly amounts tbh.

You've made him out yo be a human dust bin who eats everything in sight. When I read a mountain of food...i visualised ppl at eat all you can buffets piling high.

When you get down to counting crisps....it's not good and the proclamations of you over catering don't seem likely, given your tendency to somewhat exaggerate.

It does come across that you don't like him very much though...maybe if you're health conscious and trim, you find his portion sizes and physique unattractive and resent him.

The issues here run deeper than the lunch on that day.

user1481840227 · 22/06/2020 04:31

Just quickly ran 2.5 chicken breasts, 3 pitta breads and 2.5 bags of crisps through myfitnesspal and got 1200kcal.

That's really not that much if it's for a family gathering lunch!! Lots of people eat more when they're enjoying food with others!

1.5 chicken breasts per person and 1.5 pitta breads is showing up as 484 calories!

You said there was loads of salad, but you massively exaggerate other details about food portions so it's hard to know what you really had so I can't estimate calories!

Did you only have 3 bags of crisps between all of you? Confused

Persiaclementine · 22/06/2020 05:17

Couldnt you have filled his plate too ? Put a road block on him?

Browzingss · 22/06/2020 05:30

@user1481840227 everyone’s perspective is different though. I’m short and slim and 1200 cals are my daily maintenance calories if I don’t exercise! So I couldn’t personally consume 1200 calories for lunch alone. I appreciate it would be different for someone larger than me though, but I can see where others are coming from when they say that’s sufficient or even too much food.

KatherineJaneway · 22/06/2020 05:59

Apologies if I missed this but which is no one allowed to talk to him about his eating habits? If he is very overweight as you've saud, it needs addressing for his own health and wellbeing.

Bluntness100 · 22/06/2020 06:03

I’m agog at the folks who keep posting about what is sufficient for them personally on a normal day as if this is the gold standard the op should cater for.

And anyone who shoves out three small bags of crisps for six people and calls it a large quantity has issues, never mind the dishing up fractioned portions of food, or calling two chicken breasts “mountains”

The major issue here isn’t if the op has food issues, or her husband does, or if she catered correctly the issue here is she’s being deeply offensive about her own husband. From shaming him at the lunch to being abusive on here about him,

Whatever is going on here, if this is real, it’s not about the lunch, it’s about food being weaponised, its a stick to beat the “Fat” husband with.

Raindancer411 · 22/06/2020 06:17

@Railingsohno

There’s a few bullies on this thread and the OP isn’t one of them.
Agreed... I would have had enough for lunch with that much. Even with my dinner I only had one chicken breast, salad and pitta. Anything more is over eating to me.
KatherineJaneway · 22/06/2020 06:35

the issue here is she’s being deeply offensive about her own husband. From shaming him at the lunch to being abusive on here about him

It really isn't.

ZombieFan · 22/06/2020 06:42

If he is very overweight as you've saud, it needs addressing for his own health and wellbeing

You would get a VERY different result on MN if a man posted that about his wife!

Bluntness100 · 22/06/2020 07:00

I would have had enough for lunch with that much. Even with my dinner I only had one chicken breast, salad and pitta. Anything more is over eating to me

That’s great, but I’m not sure how you’re under the impression that what you personally eat is relevant? Were you a guest? Or do you feel what you eat is what everyone else should eat?

It really isn't

It really is. It’s abusive, and if a man came on here talking about his wife like this, in these terms, there would have been an outcry and the thread likely deleted.

Not cries of he’s a greedy fucker and lurid descriptions of him in a bib salivating, or how he pigs out, and shovels food in his face.

grisen · 22/06/2020 07:24

@Bluntness100

I would have had enough for lunch with that much. Even with my dinner I only had one chicken breast, salad and pitta. Anything more is over eating to me

That’s great, but I’m not sure how you’re under the impression that what you personally eat is relevant? Were you a guest? Or do you feel what you eat is what everyone else should eat?

It really isn't

It really is. It’s abusive, and if a man came on here talking about his wife like this, in these terms, there would have been an outcry and the thread likely deleted.

Not cries of he’s a greedy fucker and lurid descriptions of him in a bib salivating, or how he pigs out, and shovels food in his face.

Thank you for being a voice of reason. I feel for the husband.
KatherineJaneway · 22/06/2020 07:28

You would get a VERY different result on MN if a man posted that about his wife!

So what? It is still true. He clearly has issues with food that need to be addressed from what the OP has posted.

It really is.

It really isn't. It isn't abusive, OP didn't call her DH a 'greedy fucker' or use the emotive language you have attributedto her. She has been factual and measured and there clearly is an issue if he always finishes off all the food at every opportunity.

KeyboardMash · 22/06/2020 07:45

She has been factual and measured and there clearly is an issue if he always finishes off all the food at every opportunity

Not quite. She said there was plenty of food when there absolutely wasn't. She said he piled his plate when he took a big, but by no means excessive, portion. And she also said he only does it at home - so not at 'every opportunity', but only when dealing with the OP's stingy portions.