Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

I wouldn't expect seconds at a dinner party type thing, but buffet style, yes. We're always being told not to waste food and the way to do that is to be able to take a small amount and then see if you're still hungry and go back for more if you are.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock

For example, someone I know thinks these are adequate,more than enough portions. She also thinks her husband is a greedy sod,eats too much,is selfish etc. While he's slightly overweight,he's not rolling down the hill either.

That's why knowing the portions is important.

Aren't they? They're massive plates, not much veg but a large piece of meat.

@gutentag1

You should all have taken as much as you wanted the first time around, as when you're eating buffet-style you really can't guarantee there will be seconds.

That would lead to either food waste because you've taken too much and can't finish it or overeating because you make yourself finish it all when you didn't need it.

It dies look rude to all other guests if one person is giving a portion that is double yours.
It makes the hostess who served their plates look stingy or as though saving the best for her husband which obviously isn't what happened but it's how it would appear.

Just serving up plates for everyone that were fairly even would be more normal.

Abd the op does a nice thing and had people over for a bbq and prepares it all and gets called stingy etc. Doesn't seem very fair.
How many weddings have people been to, professionally catered and people have gone hungry at the evening buffet . Do you call the happy couple stingy? Probably more likely you thank them for their invite politely!

What I meant was I wouldn’t feel put out if there wasn’t any more food as I wouldn’t be bothered for seconds. I wouldn’t necessarily think it was a poorly catered event .

I’d also guarantee some of the folks hurling obscene abuse it this man calling him a pig a greedy fucker, talking about his scoffing everything stuffing himself, saying to control him and treat him like a child etc are likely overweight themselves and not fully in control around food

What an odd assumption. I think the OPs husband was incredibly rude to his guests actually and showed appalling manners to the very people he had presumably agreed to invite to his house. I don’t think he is a “pig” because of the amount of food he ate but I think he is incredibly selfish, rude, and a very poor and embarrassing host.

Yeah your hubby probably does have an eating disorder - I have one myself, prevalent obesity in my family - however, you don't cook enough food!!!

What are you saying that he ate the equivalent of ten hamburgers or 30 sandwiches?!! Plus the rest lol. I'd hate to come round yours - 3 packs of bloody crisps!!!

Anyway like I say we eat a lot in my family so I might be well wrong but whenever I host me and hubby live off the leftovers for at least a day if not two and that's the same with my social network and they aren't all biggies!

I suppose you might host differently could be a cultural thing. Any way can I advise you cook a little more and leave some in the fridge for refilling the buffet? Gosh I did have one relative who was such a big he'd keep loads of his own food AND what people had brought to the party for himself later. We'd have all be hungry by the time we got on the motorway and have to stop off at the service station for some food.

P.S please don't embarrass your husband publicly like some people suggest. That's no way to treat your spouse. Do however address the issue with him directly, as he clearly is having a hard time and might need support.

I would have to say that yes, we do remember the weddings which were under-catered and where we went hungry! Of course we thanked the hosts for a lovely day because we have manners, but the lack of food hasn't been forgotten.

I think the amount of food offered is relevant here as I have noticed "greedy" is sometimes used on MN as "eats anything more than the tiny amount I feel I need". So it is hard to say whether the husband in this case is in fact greedy, or just has a larger appetite and there wasn't enough food.

@sonjadog

I would have to say that yes, we do remember the weddings which were under-catered and where we went hungry! Of course we thanked the hosts for a lovely day because we have manners, but the lack of food hasn't been forgotten.

I think the amount of food offered is relevant here as I have noticed "greedy" is sometimes used on MN as "eats anything more than the tiny amount I feel I need". So it is hard to say whether the husband in this case is in fact greedy, or just has a larger appetite and there wasn't enough food.

Of course people remember catered events where they were left hungry 😂 Anyone smugly telling themselves "Well, it was enough for me so anyone still claiming to be hungry is just greedy" is a spectacularly bad host.

How was it a buffet if the OP served plates for everyone?

A buffet is where everyone goes up and picks what they want, surely?

If the DH had a bigger plate than everyone on account of the fact he was the only one who served for himself and there was nothing left, then there wasn’t enough food. It really is that simple.

It sounds to me as if the OP is the controlling one here TBH. She served everyone else small portions So that she could control how much everyone ate. and then complained when her DH served his own portion according to his own appetite.

Chances are that people went home saying “bloody hell, she didn’t give us much to eat.”

@AlternativePerspective not sure if you’ve heard but, you see, there’s been this little bug going round. It’s a wee bit contagious so it’s not ideal that six people are all serving themselves from a single say utensil.

I imagine it was for that reason that the op was serving up - as opposed to portion control.

Carobaskinstiger
The point ALternativePerspective was making is correct it wasnt a true buffet. OP had control over who got what and we have no idea what the portion sizes were , even down to how big the crisps were

My post at 12:29 was entirely ironic. I was pointing out some of the ridiculous stances people are taking on here; a significant number of posters thinking the only answer can be that the OP is at fault, and imaging the DH as some monster that must be FED.

But its pretty telling that some posters think it was serious and are defending the Hungry Hubby saying its not nice to think of him salivating over his bacon brekky. No it isn't it, is it? If a woman ate large portions of food she'd be called much worse on here. You only have to look at some of the threads around obesity. But a man eating too much food? There must be another explanation. Aha - it must be the fault of a woman.

I think you're both wrong - he was greedy and you didn't make enough food

I recall seeing a picture (perhaps a mother's day card?) a few years ago with a slice of cake on it and the caption that "When there are 6 slices of cake and 7 people, a mother is someone who says she's not hungry."

@MondayYogurt in this case though it’s more “when there are six slices of cake and seven people - dh shouldn’t eat three of them”.

OPs DH was out of the room when the food was served - perhaps he thought everyone had filled their plates as well so he was “allowed” to finish what was left? Especially since from the sound of it it was only one plate full left

• @MondayYogurt in this case though it’s more “when there are six slices of cake and seven people - dh shouldn’t eat three of them”.* Absolutely this.^^ Whether or not there was enough food beforehand he just made things worse.

We dont know the size of the portions. We dont know what was actual served up. Men on average need 500 calories a day more than women so he probable needs a bigger portion. There is so little detail in the op.

CANCEL THE CHEQUE!

THERE WAS NO BUFFET, READ THE OP! SHE PLATED UP ALL THE FOOD.

@DishingOutDone I'd be just as weirded out to see anyone imagining a woman drooling over a plate of bacon. Your weight is your responsibility whether you're male or female. No point pretending though, that if a man had posted to whinge about his obese wife stuffing her face, he'd be told he was abusive and controlling!

@ Carolbaskinstiger it still wasn’t a buffet. It was plates of snacky type food, which the OP controlled. People didn’t get to decide how much they got, the OP did.

So presumably they would only get seconds if the OP offered, or would they have to ask?

The OP said herself that the bowl of crisps was virtually untouched. Why? Why did the OP not give her guests any?

And I suspect the OP is being deliberately vague about the portion sizes because interestingly the crisps were the only thing she mentioned and she probably scrimped on the rest.

Interesting that the only person who was allowed to help himself to food is the one being criticised.

@bruffin ffs - ITS NOT ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF FOOD!!! Dh could have made himself a sandwich if he was still hungry afterwards. He demolished all of the food which was set out for guests,
My DH is 6’5 and eats like a horse but if I under-catered still wouldn’t eat everything without a “would anyone like another sausage” type question. Just like, I really like wine but wouldn’t polish of all the available wine if everyone else had had single glass.
Bbqs (and buffets) are different from a traditional meal in that, it’s quite normal to take just a piece or two and the go back.

Also I did a bbq last week for dh’s familu where I played up the food - but it was more of a “fil - would you like some x, y and z” the response was mainly “oh I’ll have a burger now”. It’s normal for a bbq to have a bit at a time.

Except it wasn’t a buffet because the OP did all the serving. It was a meal which she served for her guests where she got to decide who had how much.

And why is it rude to have finished the food when everyone else had already been served their’s?

You serve enough plates of food for your guests. If, and only if there is seconds then they can have more. But if there aren’t then you presume they’ve had enough. If they hadn’t had enough then that is on the OP because she’s the one who served the food.