Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

@Bluntness100 just because half the country is overweight and it's a sensitive subject, doesn't mean we have to pussyfoot around it.

Only animals don't understand the concept of sharing food.

@Bluntness100 not to mention this weird fantasy that OP is slaving away, trying to keep her DH fed and satisfied. Unless I've missed something, his only 'crime' is overeating...

There is a whole mid ground between pussyfooting and hurling abuse.

It doesn’t need to be one or the other.

@Bluntness100 this really isn’t a competitive under-eating thread. It’s about fucking manners. You don’t eat every last piece of food before checking your guests are ok.
I’d quite happily eat half a cow and a good bit of a pig in one sitting - but I’d bloody well make sure that everyone else was ok first.

Honestly the aggression and anger some people demonstrate on here.

The truth is the op likely under catered significantly and he clearly should not have assumed what was left was his to eat.

But none of it deserves online personal attacks.

Nobody knows the circumstances of this man eating a plate of food in his own home. He could have just finished a 12 hour shift doing physical labour , he could have just finished doing the Cambridge diet or he could just have been hungry.

The fact that strangers on the internet seem like they are justified in describing the OPs husband in embarrassing ways .. (including him waiting for his father's Day breakfast with a bib on , are you serious?).

It's really OTT and not pleasant .

Even if this event was woefully undercatered, social rules dictate you don’t take the last of multiple dishes & leave none did guests to have seconds.

You are actually “allowed” to discuss this with him & day from now on he must go inside & fix himself a sandwich or something to take the edge off

Funny how similar "abuse" can be thrown at DHs on threads about pretty much any other topic

[quote Carolbaskinstiger]@Bluntness100 this really isn’t a competitive under-eating thread. It’s about fucking manners. You don’t eat every last piece of food before checking your guests are ok.
I’d quite happily eat half a cow and a good bit of a pig in one sitting - but I’d bloody well make sure that everyone else was ok first.[/quote]
OP had served her guests and not her Dh, there obviously wansnt a lot left for seconds if her dh hadnt eater

@Carolbaskinstiger what if all was left was two wings, one potato , some coleslaw and crisps? Not enough for anyone else ,but a full plate for you. As a guest I'd find it more weird to find some scraps than nothing at all.

I fully admit that it's very likely he's selfish and greedy. Or it's possible that despite him being overweight, this is actually OP's issue and she has form for undercatering.

@BeansAndCheese123

Enough others have commented on the food issues, but as an infection control nurse it never ceases to amaze me how apparently intelligent people don’t understand the basics.

You’re much better off practising good hand hygiene than wearing gloves to protect from Covid. Gloves are easily contaminated, much better to avoid touching your face and to wash your hands regularly (and properly).

The same goes for those who insist on wearing gloves to the supermarket .

Though the best yet was a neighbour the other day who I saw spraying cleaning fluid on the outside of her takeaway after it was delivered - struggled to keep a straight face!

I completely agree @BeansAndCheese123, I couldn’t get past the glove-wearing in the OP without shuddering, I can’t bear seeing people wearing them in the supermarket. I saw a couple of grim fuckers wearing them in the NHS only slot yesterday they can’t have been clinical staff .

Sounds like the OP was very stingy with the food and needs to talk to her DH.

@Sparklfairy this guy hasn't really done anything that terrible. He didn't clear his plate and demand that OP make more. Maybe 'abuse' should be reserved for men who are actually shit people.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock if that was the case, it would be unlikely that the op would have described an overflowing plate that has more than twice as much on it as everyone else.

Also - the crisps sounds like she dishes them out (small as the portion may be) to try and make up for the lack of bbq - then he blithely ate 3 packets leaving none for anyone else.

Like you say, we don’t know whether op under catered or not - but it does sound like he was rude throughout to be honest.

For example, someone I know thinks these are adequate,more than enough portions. She also thinks her husband is a greedy sod,eats too much,is selfish etc. While he's slightly overweight,he's not rolling down the hill either.

That's why knowing the portions is important.

How much food did you make and how many catered for?

Your husband is a bad host for hoovering up all the leftovers, but did you actually under cater as well? If so then the embarrassment needs to be shared between the two of you.

Plate his up for him as you for a child.

My husband is like this, as are his siblings. It comes from being neglected as children. They weren't taught manners and went hungry a lot as there was never enough food to go round. As adults, even though they all have decent incomes, they haven't lost the fear of going hungry as they didn't know when they'd next get a meal, and eat as much as they can, as fast as they can, leaving very little for anyone else. I suppose that it was so deeply ingrained in them when they were small. DH remembers his mum cutting an onion into four pieces and giving it to the four children for tea as there was nothing else in the house.

Those portions would be ok for me @PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock but I’m a short sedentary woman, not a six foot tall male rugby player.

@borntohula he loaded all the rest of the food on his plate, not giving a thought to his guests, then took himself off to a corner to eat it separately. That's rude, anti social and greedy. Statements of fact are not abusive.

God knows there are enough threads jumping to conclusions about bad fathers from one snippet that he doesn't "do enough housework" or mocking them when they get ill (dressing gown of doom anyone?)

Personally I think the response overall has been measured. It is a disorder, and unless you've been around Labrador-like people who literally will eat food until it's gone (no matter how much there is) you won't get it.

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock I hope you never go there for breakfast .

If I’d been a guest though I would never expect to have enough food left for seconds. Also it’s a double standard those posters criticising the DH for being greedy and then saying what if people wanted seconds....surely nobody really needs seconds? If people hadn’t eaten at all and there was no food left that’s a different matter.

@Sparklfairy well I imagine half the women on this site also 'eat food until it's gone,' given that a huge proportion of the population is overweight but none of us would be calling them 'pigs' or fantasizing about them salivating over bacon whilst wearing a bib.

You know what OP? Ltb, I'm surprised no one has accused him of being abusive and/or having an affair.

You should all have taken as much as you wanted the first time around, as when you're eating buffet-style you really can't guarantee there will be seconds.

@SoVeryLost I just don't get that, it's not your friend was greedy it's that you were mean. You make a lovely curry and have a portion that fits your appetite but expect your friend to match the portion regardless of their appetite and worse judge them as greedy as it's larger than yours. I would take it as a compliment that they wanted to eat it all, I would never dream about rationing the food intake of someone I have invited into my home. (and I also know a man that at BBQs will easily eat 12 sausages, 8 burgers and anything else. I cater accordingly)
This is a bit different as he was the host which generally you would expect FHB but it does seem that there was not enough. However as this appears to be a regular issue when hosting the dh should have sorted more food himself, for him and his guests.

If I’d been a guest though I would never expect to have enough food left for seconds

Really? I wouldn’t have any expectations but I don’t know anyone who under caters to an extent that if someone has a large plate and two people half portions then there is nothing left.

I’d also guarantee some of the folks hurling obscene abuse it this man calling him a pig a greedy fucker, talking about his scoffing everything stuffing himself, saying to control him and treat him like a child etc are likely overweight themselves and not fully in control around food.

But hey, if they don’t do it round guests then on line bullying is totally ok right.

Guarantee if a man came on and said I had a bbq and my fat wife ate more than her fair share, she’d a big plate and myself and a guest got practically nothing, so I publicly embarrassed her for eating all the crisps, no one would be posting saying greedy bitch pigging out plate up for her she’s obscene bet she salivates at the thought of food, what a greedy fucker etc.

But because it’s a man it is apparently ok.