Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

In fact, I'm somewhat reminded of a thread where OP's dh made comments about her eating and the response was a unanimous 'what a prick.' Here though, very little is said about OP making comments in front of people. You're allowed to be an overweight woman on MN but not an overweight man, it seems.

Well he did leave a pitta bread, a piece of chicken and 8 crisps. Way too much food according to some anyways.

@WaitingForTheTurn79

So your husband eats one plate of food , even if it was full to the brim it's still only one plate, he waits till after everyone else is fed and has their own food and you look to embarrass him in front of family and then write about him in this way in a forum. He ate one plate of food! You even said he doesn't do this anywhere else, just at home. If I was your guest I would have noticed your attitude to your husband more than (one plate) of food being eaten by one of the hosts.

As he's large he will need more food than someone half his weight.

As Waiting said he had ONE plate of food. If you accept half of that was a reasonable portion then he had half'a plate of food 'extra' that's hardly 'seconds' for a group of people, you undercatered.

Your husband served himself last - obviously assuming people had had what they wanted. Why shouldn't he finish what was left when it clearly wasn't much
If anything?

& why didn't you do him a plate when you were serving everyone else?

I sympathise OP. The reason he is embarrassed is because he knows he is gluttonous and he knows he is overweight ( obvs the two are connected), but his greed for food currently eclipses his ability to restrain himself.
It doesn't sound like an eating disorder, it sounds like he is plain greedy and won't take action. People have to decide for themselves to lose weight.

You need to get a MN chicken OP. That should last the whole crowd and DH

Joking aside I think he probably needs specialist help. Does he worry about diabetes etc?

Penis Portions

I'll just leave that there.

@Carolbaskinstiger OP had fed the guests already. If there was only enough for ops dh to fill his plate ,there wasnt enough for seconds for the other guests
OP obviously didnt think this thread through properly and hasnt come back to answer questions

I am imagining OPs DH with this plate of food tucking in, in the corner of the garden

[quote Crockodoodle]@SoVeryLost I just don't get that, it's not your friend was greedy it's that you were mean. You make a lovely curry and have a portion that fits your appetite but expect your friend to match the portion regardless of their appetite and worse judge them as greedy as it's larger than yours. I would take it as a compliment that they wanted to eat it all, I would never dream about rationing the food intake of someone I have invited into my home. (and I also know a man that at BBQs will easily eat 12 sausages, 8 burgers and anything else. I cater accordingly)
This is a bit different as he was the host which generally you would expect FHB but it does seem that there was not enough. However as this appears to be a regular issue when hosting the dh should have sorted more food himself, for him and his guests.[/quote]
Sorry you are wrong. I cooked enough rice for four adult men and a massive curry that should easily have fed four adult men as well. I know I like small (well actually they are portions that are good as I neither gain nor lose weight and I do a load of exercise) portions. I didn’t expect her to eat over 300g or rice and a whole fucking huge saucepan of curry. If it had been stew that would easily have fed me and my ex DH two meals, who had a good appetite. The actual problem is that people don’t know a reasonable portion and overeat constantly hence why so much of the population is overweight.

@Jenasaurus

I am imagining OPs DH with this plate of food tucking in, in the corner of the garden

My son would eat that plateful and look around for dessert! (and yes, he is overweight).

Quite agree that OP is probably unaware that a man needs more food, and an overweight man needs much more food, to maintain weight. And, much as OP and others may think he should be on a diet, if he's not on a diet, that's not greedy, that's how much food he needs not to be hungry.

Another point I'd make is maybe OP doesn't normally cook all these yummy party foods and he was greedy because all he normally sees is a couple of worthy lettuce leaves and tiny portions that OP considers enough.

But even taking that into account, he was clearly rude and thoughtless and OP clearly didn't serve enough grub to start with. And why didn't they have any spare stuff in packets in the cupboard to bulk it out with?

If he's so gluttonous,selfish and greedy how come he doesn't do it in other settings as well?

People are so quick to assume how they can diagnose someone with an eating disorder who they don’t know or have even met before is laughable

OP never said it was her concern so I don’t know why other people feel it’s their concern to diagnose her husband with an eating disorder 🤣

I can’t believe that people can’t see that it’s not about the amount of food, it’s about the fucking selfishness of eating all of it without a thoughT for anyone else

This is an inaccurate representation of what happened.

He ate what was left...you make it sound like he ate all the food and nobody else had anything at all.

I maintain that enough wasn't cooked and knowing that he always does this in your house, why are you surprised?

It doesn't make sense for you to expect any different.

A pp mentioned catering 4/5 potatoes per person. You should cater for more that that...as you don't know individual appetites.

I would cater for at least 50% more. So if I'm expecting 10 ppl...I cater for at least 15..if there's leftover, I freeze it.

Running out of food is an embarrassment in my culture and I just won't let it happen.

Sometimes I've given ppl food to take home...which I prefer to running out of food.

No one has diagnosed the OP with an eating disorder - your lack of comprehension is laughable.

It has been suggested that that may be a problem and the OP has been given some info to look into. The OP then said that her MIL has an eating disorder and, when you've finished chuckling away to yourself, if you looked into it, you'd see that EA are genetic and tend to run in families.

Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha.Ha

OP said it never crossed her mind that her husband had a eating disorder!

She then then went on to say her MIL had an eating disorder.....

People have suggested this on here!!

If OP thought that he did have an eating disorder she would of stated so in the first place BUT it wasn’t about that it was just that her husband finished off the food on his ONE PLATE. The eating disorder was NEVER the issue of the post in the first place. So pipe down.

Just to clear up a few points made.
This was not a buffet, it was a lunch of flavoured chicken breasts, pitta breads, 4 different salads, a large bowl of crisps, followed by a selection of 3 desserts.
It was for 5 people and 1 child. I had cooked enough chicken for 1.5 breasts each, 1.5 pittas and bucket loads of salad.
I would have just plated up everyones lunch, but some family members are fussy about what salad they eat. This is why I decided to plate up everyones meal at the table myself, with them choosing what salad they ate.
It was clear though that DM and SIL were being polite by choosing not to have much on their plates initially. I made a comment that I would add more to their plates afterwards if they wanted more.
DH purpoesly kept himself inside the house with the intention of coming out afterwards to load his plate with what he considered to be "leftovers."
They weren't leftovers though.
He left enough salad but loaded his plate with all the carbohydrates and chicken. He left half a pitta and 2 slices of chicken breast.
On his plate, there were around 2.5 chicken breasts, 3 pittas, more than 2 packets of crisps.
Reading this back, it seems like there wasn't much food, but there really should have been. The salads contained chickpeas, rice and other more filling ingredients.
The desserts I'd made were fairly large and there was more than enough to go around.
Guests wouldn't have left feeling hungry but I was embarrassed about the lack of choice left after DH had visited the table.
I would have plated up DHs food had he not gone inside and waited for me to sit down before heading to the food himself. There is a pattern of this sort of thing. I don't want to hurt his feelings but saying something will definitely do so and he'll become defensive. At the same time, I am utterly fed up and frustrated by the way he seems to polish off all of the food. Having not socialised with some of these family members for months, I was feeling very frustrated after the family gathering.
DH likely sees the food as his because we're at his house, people definitely notice.
Once we had friends over for a chinese take-away and I noticed that people just couldn't keep their eyes off his plate. A huge mountain of chips- he left a few in the bag but hardly any.
I don't want to have to load my plate up at self-service-type meal times so that I get to eat enough food.
But it's difficult when DH seems to just finish off the lot once he sees that everyone has something on their plate.

gutentag1
You should all have taken as much as you wanted the first time around, as when you're eating buffet-style you really can't guarantee there will be seconds.
That would lead to either food waste because you've taken too much and can't finish it or overeating because you make yourself finish it all when you didn't need it.

Why would that be the case? Isn't it possible that you know, adults, who have been feeding themselves their entire lives, can make a fairly accurate estimate of what their food needs are? So I look at a table full of lovely food, possibly with puddings and cheese to come, and I just take what I am likely to want to eat, that leaves me satisfied but with a bit of room for the unutterably delicious cheesecake or whatever that I've seen and am definitely going back for.

Oh wow. I would say that you did under cater (and I’ve been totally defending you). But the fact remains that he’s rude.

OP now you've clarified you will no doubt be told that you didn't serve 'enough'... 'I'd need more chicken than that blah blah'.

These greedy/disordered types (and it's a specific thing that I recognise, not just a bigger appetite) NEVER go for the salad. They always take the most meat/carbs and strangely can moderate their intake of salad

Sorry, but it's greedy and selfish. He hid indoors so that he could hoover up everything that was left and then ate it away from every one else.

The 'taking almost all of it but leaving a little' is a real indicator that he's aware what he's doing and a real symptom of disorder.

I had cooked enough chicken for 1.5 breasts each, 1.5 pittas and bucket loads of salad.

For a normal dinner portion, fine. For something where people have been invited round for food, this is not enough. Everyone should have the option of 2 chicken breasts or 2 pittas if they wish.

He was rude, that is beyond any doubt. But you didn't serve enough food.

From the sound of it you are talking about 3 'normal' size bags of crisps too. For 6 people!

1.5 chicken breasts, 1.5 pittas... Such an oddly specific amount.
Did it really not occur to you that any of your guests would eat more?

As I thought, you did under cater.

2.5 chicken breasts, 3 small pitas, some salad (he didn’t eat all of the salad) and crisps is a large amount, but it certainly isn’t giant amount of food. And it certainly isn’t enough for 5 people to go back for seconds.