Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Scared by someone entering our house today - big argument with DP

297 replies

Lickmylegs0 · 20/06/2020 17:14

I need to know I’m not going crazy. I was in garden, and came in to see a strange lady using our toilet. Baby was asleep in room next to door, and my DD was there too. DP had opened door and let lady in to use the toilet, he claims she pushed past him - but I think he should have said ‘no’ firmly.
Man on doorstep wanted to contact previous owners of our bungalow - DP was about to get all our paperwork out. I stopped him and told them to contact estate agent.
Strange lady came back later. I spoke to her through window - she wanted to know if the previous owner had died - and then said the bungalow should belong to them.
I feel very shaken up and DP has been having a go at me saying I overreacted.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 20/06/2020 19:46

If he had physically prevented her from entering the property and the police were called then I think it's likely that he would have been arrested.

Utter nonsense.

It was his home.

He didn't know her.

He wasn't expecting her.

He had the OP to back up all of the above.

mathanxiety · 20/06/2020 19:47

Is your DP normally so pig headed and dismissive when he knows deep down he made an eejit of himself?

Candyflosscookie · 20/06/2020 19:49

God I want to throttle him and I don't even have to live with him! Confused

Thisismytimetoshine · 20/06/2020 19:49

If he had physically prevented her from entering the property and the police were called then I think it's likely that he would have been arrested.
How do people go about their lives believing shite like this? 🤣

Original poster
Lickmylegs0 · 20/06/2020 19:50

I called him exactly that this afternoon ‘pig headed’. I’d have some sympathy if he seemed to realise his choice of action wasn’t the best. I think he still thinks it was an ‘ok’ thing to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lickmylegs0 · 20/06/2020 19:52

He also COMPLETELY pissed me off when he swanned off on his bike later....

OP posts:
Silentplikebath · 20/06/2020 19:53

Your DP has been really stupid!

Tigger001 · 20/06/2020 20:00

We are not even letting family in our garden, let alone our house....let alone a random strange lady. How very bizarre. Your husband is definitely in the wrong and you did the right thing letting the police know what's happened.

istheresomethingishouldknow · 20/06/2020 20:00

Your DH sounds like a liability, frankly.

Original poster
Lickmylegs0 · 20/06/2020 20:03

What also pisses me off is that we saw my elderly DM a couple of weeks ago. He was being INCREDIBLY strict about Covid rules and lecturing me (more as a power thing I reckon - then out of care) - yet he lets a complete stranger in house to use the toilet.

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 20/06/2020 20:03

To be honest, op, at the point he swanned off on the bike; I'd have bolted the door behind him.
For safety purposes. Because your home sure as hell isn't safe with him in it.
How can you live with such a dick? It's a very unattractive quality.

managinged · 20/06/2020 20:04

Looks like your husband's ego is bruised and he's too proud to admit that he made a foolish mistake. To save face he'll continue to spin his story that you overreacted.

ItsInTheShed · 20/06/2020 20:11

why did she push past him? had he already indicated she wasn't welcome....why else push in like that? weird

Bodgedboxdye · 20/06/2020 20:14

I’d give 101 a call, maybe they’ve had reports previously but if not, they will know to look out for dodgy people in the area.

strawberry2017 · 20/06/2020 20:22

Sounds like he just doesn't want to admit he handled it badly and he was wrong

Opentooffers · 20/06/2020 20:26

Very odd behaviour from your DP, let's say you somehow did let a stranger use your loo (stupid) during covid times ( more stupid). Did he follow her as she went to the loo? You'd be crazy to not supervise either. I hope the man with her was not waiting at an open door Confused. Seems your DP is easily led and maybe now embarrassed that he was so.

thedancingbear · 20/06/2020 20:27

I don't think the DH has made a foolish mistake. I know it's de rigeur to stick the boot into the feller around here, but as I see it he's got three options:

  1. To physically stop her coming in. Then the thing risks turning into a bit of a scuffle. If someone gets hurt, and without an independent witness, there's the (outside) possibility that both parties get done for affray or something, which would be a big deal for some of us.
  1. Ring 999. Best case scenario is a cop car arrives in 5-10 minutes. But given they wouldn't send one when a burglar was padding round downstairs in the night, I doubt 'a middle aged lady is using my loo' would yield the required reaction. If and when they don't turn up, you've just escalated the (immediate and broader) situation
  1. Say, 'you're nuts. Hang on a second and I'll get the house deeds so you can see yourself'.

I'm not saying that 3 is necessarily the best option (and tbh in the heat of the moment I'd've probably ended up trying to stop them coming in) but I'm not convinced it makes him a fool.

Original poster
Lickmylegs0 · 20/06/2020 20:29

Or 4 say NO. Please leave my house. And shut the doir.

OP posts:
theendoftheworldasweknowit · 20/06/2020 20:38

I think you should get one of those video doorbells (like Ring) and/or a chain for your door - should stop people from pushing past in the future.

Original poster
Lickmylegs0 · 20/06/2020 20:40

Also impacting this is he very nearly handed over our life savings to a dodgy builder about 6 months ago. I had to take over and stop it all happening - gave me many sleepless nights - while caring for a newborn.

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 20/06/2020 20:41

3. Say, 'you're nuts. Hang on a second and I'll get the house deeds so you can see yourself'.

I'm not saying that 3 is necessarily the best option (and tbh in the heat of the moment I'd've probably ended up trying to stop them coming in) but I'm not convinced it makes him a fool.

I think it absolutely does. These were complete strangers, insinuating he wasn't the legal owner of his own home! Anyone offering to show them the deeds has a fecking screw loose.

HazelBite · 20/06/2020 20:41

I'm sure the OP's DP was a bit blindsided and completely taken aback by this woman's behaviour and just panicked thinking he had to prove that the house was his and the OP's.

What is the history of the house OP was it part of an estate sale or did the previous owner sell it whilst still alive or was it sold to pay for nursing home fees?
if it was sold prior to death then any bequest in a will or "passing to next of kin" is irrelevant .
If the vendor had proper title to the property then there is no problem. this is why we use Solicitors for conveyancing!

Thisismytimetoshine · 20/06/2020 20:43

@Lickmylegs0

Also impacting this is he very nearly handed over our life savings to a dodgy builder about 6 months ago. I had to take over and stop it all happening - gave me many sleepless nights - while caring for a newborn.
Oh, come on, op. Are you serious? You sound so disassociated from his bizarre behaviour Confused
Original poster
Lickmylegs0 · 20/06/2020 20:44

Don’t think it was about proving the house was ours - more to give a contact that they could speak to.

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 20/06/2020 20:47

I'm sure the OP's DP was a bit blindsided and completely taken aback by this woman's behaviour and just panicked thinking he had to prove that the house was his and the OP's.
There truly is one born every minute 🤣
I've got a lovely bridge going cheap, Hazel, care to make me an offer?
I'll even throw in Green Shield Stamps?