Scared by someone entering our house today - big argument with DP

[Lickmylegs0]

I need to know I’m not going crazy. I was in garden, and came in to see a strange lady using our toilet. Baby was asleep in room next to door, and my DD was there too. DP had opened door and let lady in to use the toilet, he claims she pushed past him - but I think he should have said ‘no’ firmly.
Man on doorstep wanted to contact previous owners of our bungalow - DP was about to get all our paperwork out. I stopped him and told them to contact estate agent.
Strange lady came back later. I spoke to her through window - she wanted to know if the previous owner had died - and then said the bungalow should belong to them.
I feel very shaken up and DP has been having a go at me saying I overreacted.

After we bought our last house, a woman about 50 came to the door and asked me if I was aware we had bought the house from people who did not legally own it. She claimed it was her mother's by right.

The man who owned it originally had died. His wife had died 25 years earlier and for the last 24 years of his life he had lived in the house with a woman.
When he died he left the house to his son and daughter. They sold it to the couple we bought it from - who only lived there 18 months and sold it to us.

The neighbours told us the story. It was awful apparently. The son and daughter just turned the father's partner out after he died and sold the house. Her daughter was clearly still very upset.

Our solicitor told us not to worry - that we owned the house. We never heard anymore. When we paid off the mortgage we got a pack of deeds plans and papers from the building society relating to it from when it was first built. The man's will was amongst them and it said specifically he was leaving the house to his children and not to -the woman's name- as she had contributed nothing financially to the house which was paid for before he met her, and he had kept her financially, she had never worked!

Is your H usually that easily persuaded to hand over personal details?

I can’t imagine in any scenario going thro my paperwork to hand over details of my house purchase to complete and utter strangers who’d shoved their way into my home!

Your H sounds stupid.

I think it might be a posh thing too.
My barmy posh EX mother in law, would and did, do this in the countryside and thought it normal.
What? Barging into people's homes and claiming you actually own the property?

I am worried about this happening so I never answer the door unless I know who it is or am expecting a delivery. Get a ring door bell, and if you haven’t already change the locks front, back and windows if you need to. The way this couple behaved is unhinged and unpredictable. I don’t want to worry you but it might be worth investigating the history of ownership of the house, and asking the neighbours-if they behaved like that with total strangers then they definitely have history of shenanigans with the previous owner that the neighbours have ether observed or heard about. They might even know who they are, so you can report your concerns to the police. I don’t normally advise that as the default on mn seems to be to report to the police for everything, but she pushed her way in, and tried to lay claim to your house. Also how does you husband not have the good sense to not show personal legal documents to anyone that asks, does he give his cash card and pin number to randoms on the street as well?

@thedancingbear

Well yes.

Do you just let any old randoms walk into your house?

These people could pose a potential threat and by law you can protect yourself or others.

Like i would have done.

I think the previous poster meant a posh thing to do asking to use the loo of a house in the countryside... (but I could be wrong....)

I do think I would call the police and log it.

@OffToSingapore

You say you were scared and shaken up OP. Maybe your husband was also scared and shaken up to open his front door to an unhinged and aggressive couple, one of whom forced her way into his house. But no, because he’s a man he’s obviously spineless (some nice examples of toxic masculinity in this thread). It’s easy to say what he ‘should have’ done, but it was a weird situation and he probably didn’t know how to react in that moment.

It seems you don't understand the meaning of toxic masculinity.

Thank you @Italiangreyhound.
Yes that is what I meant x

OfftoSingapore I would never think spineless is "toxic masculinity" in fact I'd say spineless for a woman as well. How about ridiculous over generalizations and paranoia?

What a wet blanket, I’d be fuming too. Is it this easy to get into his bank account too?

I wouldn't be angry with my partner in this situation. As PP have said, men are taught never to lay a hand on a woman, even in defence of themselves or others. Statistically speaking, if a man calls the police to report an assault by a woman, he is more likely to be arrested than she is. Equally, in cases where a woman initiated violence, it is more likely that charges will be brought against the man. If he had physically prevented her from entering the property and the police were called then I think it's likely that he would have been arrested.
This woman sounds crazy - but not dangerous to me. It's very common that people think they should have inherited property when it wasn't left to them, often years down the line. They do five minutes of internet research where they find one whack job without a law degree saying that if they enter the property they can legally reclaim it (they obviously can't) so they try to do that. Just ignore. Prepare a letter stating that you view her behaviour as harassment and that you feel threatened, that you'll be making a complaint to the police if she returns (keep one copy by the door for her and keep a copy for your own records). If she comes back, hand her the letter and say nothing else. If she comes back again then phone the police.
Otherwise, just try to forget and ignore. It's not your husband's fault and these are just jumped-up nutters by the sounds of it.

@Crimeismymiddlename I am worried about this happening so I never answer the door unless I know who it is or am expecting a delivery. This isn't a normal level of anxiety, are you ok? It could be a neighbour letting you know your car lights are left on, it might be the police doing a local check for witnesses to an incident nearby, it might be the delivery of a gift you're not expecting... You might be best speaking to someone about this fear.

unbelievable.

All these people saying 'I would have done X Y Z' - cobblers! You don't know how you would have reacted. I would have been exactly the same - until one evening I was sitting in the dark in the living room when I guy just walked in. When I gasped (I'm not a screamer) he realised I was there and said 'Does Becky live here?' I just said 'no' like a fucking lemon, and he left. Ten minutes later I called the police and they came straight around (yep, really!) and took details. Later that evening they caught him, he was just a chancer who was trying peoples front doors (we've since changed ours so you can't open it without a key) and because our front room was dark he came in. He'd nicked mobile phones and laptops from others in the area. He was known to the police and was a sandwich short of a picnic and trying to fund his drugs habit.

To me, this seems like a scam. Logically, it's very likely you keep all sorts of important documents in the same place, so if they saw where your DH kept them, they would know where to look when they come back to burgle you later.

Even if the house should have gone to someone else, that's not your problem. Your solicitor did the conveyancing and one of the things they check is that, from a legal standpoint, the house is the seller's to sell. So this whole thing sounds like the visitors made it up.

This sounds exactly like the sort of thing my DH would have done once upon a time. He's doing a lot better since we came back from living in a country that was absolutely bursting with scammers.

I think your husband probably was just blind sided by this rude woman.

I agree. It's easy for us to sit here and say what we'd have done, but no-one would expect something like this to happen. With only a split second to react, who knows what we'd ACTUALLY have done. It's not something you plan for.

I've had something weird like that happen, and it's so out of the blue you end up like a rabbit in the headlights. And afterwards I couldn't believe why I responded as I did. I suspect DH is feeling embarrassed that he did something similar, but trying to convince himself and you that it wasn't as daft as it was.

If they saw him going towards where your important documents are kept, I'd move the lot upstairs for at least a few weeks, until you're sure they're not coming back.

(And yes, if anyone had posted on here about what happened to me and what I did, I'd have said "no way would I do that")

@LegallyBlue no anxiety here, just normal precautions for a women living on her own in an area that can best be described as exciting. If people really need to tell me something they can put it in a note and pop it through the door!

If your partner was somehow stunned into an inability to act in the moment, that's bad enough, but his unwillingness to own up to it and his insistent minimising would be even more infuriating.

Honestly, I don't care if it is sexist-- I'd still be left feeling very disappointed in his daftness and inability to defend his family's home from "invasion".

@NeutrinoWrangler it’s exactly that. I’ve just logged with police, and they said I was right to report - and they’ve taken details as suspicious behaviour. They told me to tell estate agent too, which I suggested doing this afternoon to DP - he told me not to. Police asked to speak to DP and DO’s tine was one of ‘she’s making a fuss over nothing’. I’m so pissed off.

DP’s - not DO’s

@saraclara

I think your husband probably was just blind sided by this rude woman.

I agree. It's easy for us to sit here and say what we'd have done, but no-one would expect something like this to happen. With only a split second to react, who knows what we'd ACTUALLY have done. It's not something you plan for.

I've had something weird like that happen, and it's so out of the blue you end up like a rabbit in the headlights. And afterwards I couldn't believe why I responded as I did. I suspect DH is feeling embarrassed that he did something similar, but trying to convince himself and you that it wasn't as daft as it was.

But how do you account for him gathering the solicitors paperwork to show the male half of the duo?

[quote Lickmylegs0]@NeutrinoWrangler it’s exactly that. I’ve just logged with police, and they said I was right to report - and they’ve taken details as suspicious behaviour. They told me to tell estate agent too, which I suggested doing this afternoon to DP - he told me not to. Police asked to speak to DP and DO’s tine was one of ‘she’s making a fuss over nothing’. I’m so pissed off.[/quote]
He told the police that you were fussing over nothing?

No Just his tone was that - he didn’t say it. He’s also just told me not to over analyse it.